Odd Feelings

Earlier I was shattered.. cried in the car on my way home from the grocery store.. til tonight, when I found out that XN had cheated. I know, you will wonder why I'm surprised.. but I truly am. I knew he was a condescending, pompous, ridiculing, demeaning ass but never a cheater bcus our sex life was so good (call me naive). Ironically enough, it's the woman I seen him with at the store.. the woman who got mad at me for questioning him if it was her (I know her). They (him, her and another mutual friend), all turned on me.. called me names for such an accusation.

This turned my sadness into madness.. I'm so grossed out.. I'm pissed that he lied (again, why am I surprised), I'm mad that they made a spectacle out of me. Needless to say, knowing what I found out tonight, it makes me never want to see or talk to him again! What disgrace, disrespect and betrayal. He didn't deserve my heartache.

Since our breakup I've been so weak, sad and guilt ridden, feeling bad that I couldn't make him happy, I internally beat myself up.. Now, I feel a sense of relief, able to put the blame where it should be.. on him.

In addition to this married woman he's seeing; he has a new girlfriend.. she's a divorced woman she has 4 young kids that he's supposedly madly in love with. It's disgusting bcus intimacy (to me) was special.. it was important to be and stay 'clean' for one another. I wouldn't touch him ever again.

I know I should have known, but getting the facts helps ease my self blame and I feel ready to move on and say good riddance to this ass who never deserved me, or my kids!

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