Obsessing @ OW

Dear Narcd72, I am sorry you are under great strain. The xN and who he's with now is unimportant. What is important is that you have compassion for you and that you move forward and heal. Psychopaths are incapable of feeling any emotion regarding anything. Ns are the walking dead, only concerned with living vicariously through passionate, caring, loving, fun people, and draining them until they are almost destroyed. One of the difficult things to understand is it wasn't personal - any supply at all will do which is why Ns are able to move on quickly. The Ns entire life is focused on how to secure as much supply as possible to boost their ego and nothing else - really nothing else. The xN is not thinking about how you are and he is not worthy of your attention. The OW does not know what he is, she is believing his BS right now but she will be in hell soon enough. Knowledge is all, reading everything you can, watching the Sam Vaknin/Thomas Sheridan videos on youtube, sharing/comparing experiences via the forum, working the tools gained, gaining insight, working on core issues that lead you to a N. When you can stand back objectively and really understand what a psychopath/narcissist truly is - all love, care, thinking about him/OW etc vanishes in an instant. It is impossible to give a crap about a monster. In that moment the focus will change to you and you alone. Then you will want only peace, knowledge, insight, to heal, and move forward on your new journey. Keep strong. The mind can be disciplined to prevent obsessive/bad thoughts. When the brain is on automatic, it will play any random tape - if you are low - it will pull your 'worst hits', all the bad/awful moments and keep repeating. I posted about it: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/02/07/brain-changes-happiness The article on emotional memory is really interesting: http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/emotional-memory/

I met the ow, he treats her the same way he treated me. The disappearing acts, the hidden calls and texts, the ow with her, lying about his divorce, not meeting all his friends, porn addiction et... The difference between me and her, she has been dealing with it for 10 years. They live together now, she chooses to live with the lies, I didn't. She does get presents, I only got a few, but he's ruin her credit too. Trust what the mods are telling you, they do not change. She will deal with the same disorder man that you dealt with. You choose yourself, the right choice.

I met the ow, he treats her the same way he treated me. The disappearing acts, the hidden calls and texts, the ow with her, lying about his divorce, not meeting all his friends, porn addiction et... The difference between me and her, she has been dealing with it for 10 years. They live together now, she chooses to live with the lies, I didn't. She does get presents, I only got a few, but he's ruin her credit too. Trust what the mods are telling you, they do not change. She will deal with the same disorder man that you dealt with. You choose yourself, the right choice.

You need a theraprisit and maybe antidepressants.. Get to the Doctor.. OW .. Send her a sympathy card.. This needs to now be about you. Hunter

I could have written this post. Word for word, it is EXACTLY where I am. Hate texts, OW right away (before I was gone actually), everything. We were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Everything. He slept with her immediately and is still with her. I think about it all the time. He is going to be perfect with her. She gets to live my dream. I just keep telling myself there is NO WAY that is going to happen. He has ruined EVERY single relationship he has ever has. Let's GET REAL. We KNOW THE TRUTH. Don't torture yourself with thoughts of how happy the are. It is a house of cards. You know that is true. It is so hard. I am there with you, Hon.

The biggest mistake that we can make is to believe what the narc says about us, thinks about us, or feels about us. They succeed so often because they are very good at their craft. The know exactly what buttons to push in order to make us look like we are crazy, worst yet, they make us feel like we are crazy. It's called gaslighting. It is part of their tactics, don't buy into any of it. Yes, you blew up his phone with hate texts, maybe emails as well. You did everything in your power to communicate the hurt, anger, and heartbreak that he has caused you. There is NOTHING crazy about that. You are only human after all, and it is human to react that way. Please don't allow him to continue to get away with this. His actions are only as harmful as we continue to allow them, now that we know what he is. Easier said than done, I know. And as far as obsessing over him and the OW. Trust me, it's very normal to do, but try your best to remmeber what he is and what he is capable of. The OW, will be wearing your shoes sooner than you think. It's a viscious cycle, and they don't stop. Be thankful you are out and on your way to healing. Once you have recovered, I guarentee, she will be on the same roller coaster ride, begging and crying to get off. Concern yourself with you and your recovery. For them, there is no help out there, because they won't acknowledge they need help. For you, there is help, thank goodness.......you will get there. Stay strong.

First you have to accept responsibility for your thoughts only you can make you happy or sad. Found this,hope it helps.. http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/women-who-love-too-much/discussions/messages/11718848 Article is called obsessing about the other woman in narc abuse x