The numbness has worn off

Okay 8 days no contact, but I seem to be feeling worse right now.

I am freaking angry!!!!!!!!! I am also jealous knowing that he is chatting up someone else!
I know this person is going to get the same pain I did, unless of course she is smarter than me and tells him to fuck off. Or just uses his somatic ass.

I am mad at myself!!!!! I avoided him for years, I would never answer him bc I figured he was just part of my life that didn't matter anymore! I'm pissed that I gave in and that I loved him once again!
And that once again he hurt me like I was 17 again.

I Hate how great he made me feel, I hate that sexually he was the only one that I had ever wanted!

I am tired of thinking of him! Get out of my fucking head!!!!!!

I hate being strong one day and doubting myself the next!!!!!!

I just want to tell him I hate him and I hope he dies.

I am disappointed bc I just want to stop analyzing his actions.

I'm stressed bc on his little cheating web site is totally up front and telling women he just wants escapism and he just wants some chemistry. Why didn't he give me the option of that!!! Why did he fool me? why pretend to love me? I would have said uh Nooo ! His profile says no drama no bullshit! I guess I am the reasoning behind that.

I am sick to my stomach bc instinctively I knew he was manipulating me! When he told me I was the love of his I said "yeah right" and then believed him when he pleaded his case and gave examples!

The good thing is A while ago i had wanted to send him a copy of "malignant self love " but now I realize why bother he is not worth it. And that is a blessing. Small steps I guess!