Nuggets and Crumbs

Hi Ladydb123, For me, enough was enough in a single moment, but with lots and lots of pressure having built up to that moment first. There was one thing that my ex Narc did to cause me to lose what I loved and cared for most in this world, and when I saw that he was behind that particular loss, I knew there was NOTHING LEFT. A line had been crossed within my soul. In a moment, I knew there was no going back, there was nothing in him that I truly wanted or could trust, and he had distracted me to the point that I had stopped protecting what was most important to me. And that loss symbolized the loss of all that I loved in this life. And then came the flood of horror, when i realized more and more all that I had lost before this big no-going-back moment. Another thing that helps you move towards the point of no return is slowly taking yourself off the 'drugs' that he offers you. The feelings of addiction to these guys can be unbelievably strong. I was able to lower my doses by staying away from him for longer and longer periods of time, which made me feel like every cell in my body was on fire. It was more pain than I've ever felt, and it lingered mercilessly. But, eventually, you learn to walk through that fire no matter how it feels, because it means you're saving yourself, and you know the pain can't last forever. You know that whatever's on the other side of the pain, you're just glad it won't be him and the hold he has on you. It helped me to focus on the ideas that (a) the pain would pass if I waited it out; (b) NO ONE on earth is worth the pain I felt for that man; (c) He enjoyed seeing me in pain and (d) the last thing I wanted to let him have was the satisfaction he got from seeing me in pain for him. In the end, it's all for you and all about you, but while you're working you're way out of their clutches, it's pretty normal that you'll still keep looking at him to 'assess' your situation. Just remember that it's about saving yourself, what he does or doesn't do won't matter in time. And btw, he'll never do what will actually and truly help you. That's something you can count on. When I was where you're at, I liked to listen to Elton John's 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road', which talks about giving up our fantasies and illusions, and walking away from people who throw tidbits at us to keep us around (the line I'm thinking of goes something like 'there's plenty like me to be found, mongrels who ain't got a penny, sniffing for tidbits like you, on the ground). Anyway, that's what your crumbs and nuggets comment made me think of. And you're right, they throw you their scraps and shite, and then love to watch you act like you were just given diamonds and pearls. You deserve real diamonds and pearls, and your Narc deserves to have you laugh in his face the next time he tries to get the best you've got to give when he gives you his crumbs and nuggets. Btw, they hate it when you're strong enough to care nothing about what they are or aren't doing/giving/thinking. THAT causes them pain, and, of course, it helps you. You can get out, and I hope you can do it sooner than I did, that is before he has broken you completely and destroyed everything good you ever cared about or loved. Take good care!

Ride the wave baby! You'll get there. Im 9 months of NC , Im not 100% but I'm getting there. You need to look deep into yourself and ask yourself what do you want for you. These guys are such losers, liars, & users, its not for me. my Narc can stay with his mommy and dog forever. Look at the Devil straight on, see him for what he is. Hunter

I am now 2 and 1/2 years out and finally recovering but I think it took a long time for me because of a weak support system, no family around, some friends scattered everywhere. I have felt very lonely for too long and am trying to change that!There is no timetable, it is a process and you will get over it when you get over it, even with the 18 months as a timeline.It is horrific is my only word because we get no closure,no kindness on their part of wishing each other well. never in m life has it taken me so long to recover from anybody...................Mine will always think of me as a slut, whore ,advertising for free sex, how little he knew me.

They say for a normal NON disordered relationship it takes one month for each year invested. I don't know how the ratio changed but they say it takes AT LEAST 18 months to get over the trauma of an NPD relationship. I believe that with every fiber of my being. It is trauma and it will take time to rebuild the confidence and learn to trust again... So, buckle up...I note you're only on week seven? Probably not the answer you wanted to hear, but rather than focus on time and how long...just take it moment by moment...the emotions cycle all over the darn map...just take it one feeling at a time ALL of them (feelings)are valid... Hugs!

but it won't change the nature of these men. They don't care. As long as what they are doing gets them the supply they need, they will continue to act that way.

What makes you angry today?