N's are like a broken record

I was thinking today about the very natural reaction of feeling hurt and jealous when the N moves on to someone new..even though it's the best thing for us, mentally..to rid ourselves of this parasite..many times the relationship has been intense, exciting, and the man attractive and on some level always SEEMED like a catch.

And even though you're relieved and know you did the right thing, it's tempting to wonder, to be curious about...who that next woman is, and if she is FINALLY going to be the one to get what YOU wanted out of this man. That maybe he actually LEARNED something from being with you, that your dumping him opened his eyes and now...the next woman gets what YOU always thought he could be.

There is a very interesting rule, and one that is also handy to remember when you start to feel guilt, remorse, that sense of "what did I do wrong??" when things take a dump with the N. (and they ALWAYS do, because he sets out to destroy all intimacy)

The rule is: When someone treats you badly, has bad habits around you, is cruel, rude, selfish, self absorbed, just generally acts like you're an idiot..*they do it to everybody.*

So no...it's NOT you! YOU are not a moron, a fool, stupid or slow on the uptake.

EVERY WOMAN IN THIS MAN'S LIFE GETS THE SAME TREATMENT.

The woman before you and the ones for years to come.

What exactly did you go thru...a farce of a relationship? The feeling of being adored and respected, then eventually mocked and degraded? Did you sit there and feel the sting of all his many barbs..or worse abuse? Did you wonder how did you manage to say all the wrong things, get him so upset?

Did you wonder how the hell you became the bad guy?

SO WILL SHE!!! Whoever this "next woman is" or the "other woman" you may have never met.

You ALL feel like crap. His poison leaks all over. And will continue doing so.

N's are like a broken record. And they love to talk...my N seemed to revel in telling me about his past bad behavior, and enjoyed dumping on people in his past...people who for all I know were halfway decent and didn't deserve to be shit on.

And so then what happens..MY TURN! The broken records skips and replays the same tune..the tune we knew was coming.

And here comes the expected bucket of shit, dumped on our heads.

And now that we're sitting here in recovery, feeling a bit better every day, we torture ourselves wondering..is that next woman actually HAPPY? Because I never was!

Heck no..he's not that bucket of shit ready to go as soon as he's triggered.

N's are like a broken record..they repeat the same toxic crap over and over..bad habits, self sabotaging decisions, bad attitudes, same old stupid online trolling...nothing changes for him, and every woman is going to get a taste of the exact same MISERY you did.

It's important to remember this whole thing didn't go south because of you or whatever shortcomings you thought you had (triggered out of guilt, the need to want to make things better, etc)..

HE ORCHESTRATES HIS OWN DEFEAT AND EVENTUAL ABANDONMENT. HE SUCKS OUT WHAT HE NEEDS AND WANTS AND WHEN THE WELL STARTS TO DRY UP HE GETS ANGRY AND RESENTFUL, SENSING YOU CAN NO LONGER FULFILL HIS NEEDS. THEN ON HE GOES TO THE NEXT SOURCE, WHERE THE BROKEN RECORD REPEATS.

It can take a while to get used to the idea that you just got caught up in a weird, repeating cycle. We tend to want to "fix" things and blame ourselves. There is nothing to fix here. He's off trying to latch on to someone else.

Hooray it's not us anymore.