Noticing something wrong about the N....

I get the creeps when I read everyone's replies here. I can relate so bad! There were alot of things off with the ex-narc I was seeing, as read in my Story section forum. But a few other things I decided to ignore was: 1. Every photograph of him he was looking miserable or upset. Something about his eyes just seemed dark. It's not that he didn't know how to pose for the camera or wasn't photogenetic, his eyes just looked evil for some reason. He never smiled. 2. His posture and body language was off. There was nothing graceful about him. When I was sitting in the car with him it's like I forgot I was even in it. That's when his true sides came out and he would have road rage and just be furious for no reason. I hindsight I think that's how he was all the time, aggressive, but with me he had to put up an act and ''act'' happy. He was struggeling with it. 3. Obsessed with my pictures. He was very obsessive of my pictures. He saved them on his computer and he would stare at them with and without me. When I was with him he would display my picture and say ''thats my future wife, this is how I want you to look everyday''. And I would tell him it's just a photo and that I can't look like that everyday. 4. Always drinking alcohol before bedtime. I saw nothing wrong with it at the time but looking back I can see he had a problem. 5. When he would say things like ''you are my woman now, you will do as I say''. I remember feeling extremely scared. I didn't know whether he was serious or not. When he understood that I took it seriously that's when he said it was a joke. 6. He was obsessed with soap opera TV-shows. He wouldn't miss one episode. If he did he had to watch the re-runs. It was like he was living the soap opera life. 7. Things he said to me, lines he would say, I later on found out were lines he saw from romantic movies. He made me watch this really romantic lovestory movie because he said ''this is what true love is'' and I realized that the things he said to me previously were the exact same things the actors in the movie had said. Creepy? 8. He copied about a dozen love letters from the internet and pasted them into emails to me and said he had written them. I understood they were fake when the love letters content was ''I can't wait to make you my husband'' or ''I love you Tiffany'' another woman's name. I confronted him about this and asked him if he had copied the love letters from online and he said ''only the last one I sent you, Im sorry''. What an idiot he was for not even reading through the letters he copied! Who does that? I was ashamed of the fact that he would even do something like that, but then I excused him. 9. The constant worrying. ''Are you alright? Is everything okay? Have you changed your mind? Do you still want to go forward in this relationship? Are you sure you still want to be with me? Is there anything on your mind? Are you having a good time? Have I made your time worthwhile? Are you sure you have no regrets with me?'' 10. This comment: ''If we ever had children and we divorced, I would take the kids and have custody over them. The only reason our relationship/marriage wouldn't work is if you cheated on me. But other than that I don't see why our relationship wouldn't work. We seem perfectly happy with each other. But if you cheated on me I would take the children and they would live with me. Why should it always be the woman who get's custody of the children. I can take care of them just as well as a woman. And I would be honest with my children and tell them that their mommy is a whore for cheating and I wouldn't allow you to see the kids. Why should you see your kids if you cheated on me?'' Yes. You read it correct. He even assumed I would cheat on him and he basically warned me what would happen if I did. What a sick man. Who would want to have children with a man who thinks like this?

Kramer (as in sienfleld) because he had an uncanny ability to say what ever was on his mind with out feeling self concious, Sometimes the stuff he would say to people would embarras me. Of course he would say its the truth y not. Now I know its that lack of empathy and social grace they have. I used to admire it at times. Now it pretty much sums him up

in a moment when he was lost in his thoughts or tired. It takes a lot of mental focus to project a desired image or false self. At first they seem so interested and hang on every word you said. They actually were. The ex abuser in my life would turn off the TV and turn facing me and be completely focused on what I was saying. He was present. Unfortunately, it was information to be used against me at a later date. To be conscious and really be there and listen to what someone is saying is such a good thing: However, not when it is to gather information to hurt. Once they have all the information they need, they no longer pay attention. They already know what "makes you tick". They get bored easily. When you start to realize they are not your friend and begin to hold back on personal feelings, or it takes more to get a response from you, it's easier for them to start a new. What you were seeing was an uninterested, tired abuser, who no longer felt the need to pay any more attention. In his mind it was no longer worth the "effort".

1. Ex N showered with his five year old daughter - I remember feeling uncomfortable with that. 2. Felt comfortable with his kids sleeping in same room and us having sex. Kids were asleep, but he said after first time having sex with kids asleep nearby that he said, "See, family around and it (sex) gets better." 3. Underdressed or took off underwear with his kids in the room and they would see his everything - in the shower too. 4. He'd look uncomfortable with my family and he'd just sit there and wouldn't ask people about stuff. My family would sit and look at each other, like "what should we ask?" 5. Once he gave my nephew a cold glare - so cold and my nephew was 7 at the time. My nephew also displays more feminine characteristics and I it made Ex N uncomfortable. 6. I told Ex N about my worldview - I believe I belong to the earth, so I belong to something bigger than myself and I need to be respectful to the earth and people. He had this cold, dark look on his face and leaned into my personal space. He said, "I believe different. I believe I'm GIVEN things and it's my job to take care of what I OWN." I could not even respond or anything...it scared me. 7. Compared me to his late wife - "You have softer hair than she did;" "You're smarter than she was...I don't have to explain things to you. I can say stigmata, and you know what I mean;" "She didn't know how to talk or articulate thoughts or events. Like when our son was admitted to the hospital for a broken arm accident, we ended up getting investigated because she didn't tell them the story correctly;" "She doesn't know the cultural stuff like you do." 8. THEN, months in and I was hooked - I couldn't live up to her standards. She was the perfect mate and mother, and I feel short over and over again. 9. He made a comment that he was turning into the role of his late wife - that I would work and he'd stay home with the kids. He had this distant look in his eyes when he said that he picked up all of her past responsibilities and he was changing into her. 10. He was into zombies and teen stuff and we are in our mid-thirties. 11. I shared my admission to law school acceptance letter and he looked like he had received a reprimand letter from my school principal, like I'd gotten into trouble. I DECLINED it because going to law school would have put the kids and him second. He wanted it writing that I had declined it, so I could focus on the kids and family. He dumped me 2 months later; even after I let go of law school. He said I was unstable, complicated, demanding, and high maintinance. 12. When he brought up marriage, he said, "God wants me to be with you. God wants us to be together." I am a believer, but even I would be the first to not use God's name in vain, because that's what it was. If he believed God meant for us to be together, than he would have treated me right. Okay - I was too mature for him. Looking over this list...the first time he said he showered with his five-year daughter sent this chill down my spine. How's that for weird?

The whole relationship was full of hints, but only in total retrospect (as in very recently) did I actually see a full conclusive picture. What bothers me is why I didn't respond to any of these hints for what they were telling me. I'm just dealing with the reality of what Ive been through now and what a disaster of emotions it is. Reality is a shock in itself. I almost went down for the count, but I guess I needed a deep trauma provoking jolt to get me to a place where I'm forced to actually take action to adress my vulnerabilities to ensure this actually doesn't happen ever again. If it did, Id never survive.

When I met XN, he told me of aaaaaaaaaall the things he did (peacocking) including that he knew how to dance tango and play the clarinette. When we were a longer time thorugh on the relation ship I asked him to play for me, he didn't want to and said "i'm learning" etc. I pushed him and he started playing... HE DIDN'T PLAY SHIT!!! jajajajajajajajajaj, he said "I think I forgot" and changed the subject as if nothing had happened. Same thing with the tango!! "I forgot" as nothing. This creeped me out a little. What creeped me out the most though, was that he background checked me when we met. He slipped and started telling me things I had never told him. He said it was force of habit, when he worked in intelligence, but to see him not react to another person's invation of privacy was... standig in front of a wacko creep to say the least. Screwed up people do screwed up things. Hugs to you!!!

I remember certain things and phrases he said to me like he sounded like a normal person, especially when he overdosed on Ambien and i had to take him to the hospital and we were talking like a normal couple, he recovered and put back his false mask. Then there was one time I came to his place to stay for a few days,as i did every week, I mentioned i did not like the treatment he was giving his dog, punishing him by putting him in the shed, cause he peed on the carpet by accident, an older dog too and really very good, He got this twisted, contorted ugly look on his face, like a monster and I got scared and should have left but did not want to do the long drive back, so simply said i was expressing my feelings about the dog and let it go...He was a real Jekyll and Hyde, never knew what mood he would be in, it was such an anxious 15 years with him. he had no social skills and asked me why i made small talk to a relator who was showing us around, He went to my graduation ceremony and stood there in the middle of the crowd and made no effort to socialize, like an emotional stunted middle age man.sad. even a kid would socialize better.

The craziest thing that the ex psycho did that still creep me out when i think about it was we were at a wedding and believe it or not we have never danced together in the 25 years of marriage. I asked him to dance and he agreed. As soon as we started dancing he put a huge smile on his face and proceeded to dance with this smile. It really creeped me out, I asked him why is he smiling like that? And said without breaking the smile "were having fun right" And right then and there I knew he was a psychopath. I had been doing a lot of research about NPD"S because this was right after I took him back for another round! crazy!

My N cried about everything. Said he saw dead people. Said he was Jekly and Hyde. Froze his pillow cases. Ironed his sheets. Watched the same movie scenes over and over. Obsessed with Julianne Moore in "The End of the Affair" I dated an actor for years. He was older than me and not Mr. Pysically fit like the N but attractive in his own right. One night, I walked into the den and the N was sitting on the sofa with a movie scene cued up and paused. It was a scene with my ex boyfriend in it. I said "what are you doing?" He started the movie and played it through the scene, paused it and said "What were you thinking?" Just plain mean....