Nothing There
Nothing There
I am in my fourth month of no contact - he showed up at church a few times and there was the divorce hearing - but basically no contact. His lying for no reason in court was disturbing. But apparently he has moved on socially. I contacted our dance club leaders and he is attending with someone - so I won't for the foreseeable future.
Over the last week, I have realized that there was nothing there. Like, there was no relationship. Like he was a phantom or an evil hologram or something. It is like he is some sort of computer program to disturb for no reason. To stir up and mess up and throw in a few nice nice's - that aren't. At best they were usually left handed. I saw him with flowers in his hand once and he saw me see him and threw them in the trunk of his car. Brought them in three days later. (At least they were for me.)
Presents were left on the table or handed over and he left the room before I could open them.
The marriage was so free of connections other than sexual ones that - well, the only thing to miss is the sex.
And it is so strange to realize that his only positive function was as a D---O. And he made me pay for the batteries. lol.
I read yesterday - "WHat God has joined together..."
But if God didn't join it.....
This thing had nothing to join. There was no melding - no connection. If I got close, he left the room. It was 18 years of intimacy evasion. It was a sham, a nothing.
There was nothing there. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing... nothing in terms of joining or intimacy - other than sexual intimacy. And he did thing there - like going too fast so that every single friggin time I had to tell him to slow down three times. In foreplay. Avoiding intimacy. Avoiding acting like he actually knew the woman he was with.
Why are there so many levels of shock?
Nothing there - the aha moment
Hi Dema
UK lady
Dema, I would feel so lonely
So True
That is such a good analogy.
Dema
Touching the Void
That Prof
A friend's prediction
Nothing There
Dema
Empty
Dema, I think there are so many levels
spinning
So so so true
Pray
:)
Thank you
Open and Discard
Reclaiming and Dema, this is the beautiful
spinning
Beautiful!
I literally lost my voice.
Yes