Not ready

Why couldn't all our narc's be normal? Id love to be with him instead of here, Guess what? here we are. Sometimes life sucks. Delete,Delete,Delete. The girls are right ,Block him, Ignorance is bliss. As our friends across the Ocean say,Tell him " Piss Off" Idealk

If he can call, he sometimes will. I understand you not feeling ready to block him. I haven't blocked my exN and I hear from him sometimes, mostly through email. It takes longer to heal, but you will recover eventually as long as you don't ask anything of him, don't offer him anything of yourself and he doesn't ask anything of you (like wanting to be with you again). Him telling you about his current girlfriends should be off limits too... really, what's the point anymore then of not blocking him? If you appear psycho to him who cares, he IS psycho. I guess him calling just to say hi is still a hoover, but for me it has been mainly because of talking with my ex or even seeing him since I became aware of narcissism, that I've become convinced he really is a narc. If I were to base it solely upon our relationship and the way he left I don't know that I would feel as confident in my perspective. I found this board and enlightenment about narcs last October (over a year after breaking up) and it took until just a month ago to feel 99.999% sure he is one. The most recent conversations and emails have actually helped me to move on (keep in mind I am 20 months out and cried everyday up until only recently). Regardless, I think we need to do what we need to do for ourselves in our healing and sometimes that brings more pain in the short term, but it really is our choice cause no one else can heal for us. I am just freeing myself up enough in the business we shared to be able to go NC in the near future if I find I need to. Up until recently the option hasn't been available to me so I've had to get used to the contact I've had. It is pretty exclusively only about business now, but occasionally he'll ask how I am and I will politely tell him. I don't reach out to him anymore and he remains at a safe distance. I am affected less and less by seeing there is an email or phone call from him now and even find it kind of funny to postpone my reply because he has no idea I know this about him and he does get a little anxious when I am not at his beck and call the way I used to be. But he's off conquering the world and with many new women to impress, so I know he is done with me romantically. Most importantly, I have finally accepted that. Not blocking him will prolong your healing time and like slowly taking off a band aide, it will hurt more for longer and will only gradually hurt less compared to NC, so be prepared for that. You will need to stay very, very strong and sure in your mind he is toxic because you'll forget how bad it was and there is a serious danger (if you begin to doubt yourself at all), of letting him back in. That is what you look forward to in exchange for not going no contact, decide if it is really worth it to you. One day it probably won't be, but you will know when you are ready. You say you don't even want to be friends with him anymore... so if that is true, then what are you really holding onto still? It is these things we need to let go of in order to have no contact and allow the healing to progress more quickly.

I know you'll say "block his number" etc but I don't want to go that route because I don't want to do anything which might make me seem psycho to him. I just want to remain firm. I don't even want to be friends with him at this point. Can you explain how taking care of yourself, setting boundaries and putting some finality in this whole long drawn out lifetime drama series is "Psycho?" And no disrespect, but at the end of the day...yes, even mine was a very poorly written not even made for TV...mine was the one that got scrapped, won't even qualify for Lifetime Drama...it's all...drama when we engage in fooling ourselves. The longer you put off doing the work, the longer it will linger...we can convince ourselves pretty much of anything, but then, I don't know if we can cry foul when we get hurt after we KNOW the facts. I encourage you to try to "get ready" even if you're not because the longer you put if off the longer you leave it open to be on the end of all kinds of information you rather not hear...and that to me is Psycho...cause you know what...YOU ARE NUMBER ONE...not him - AND if it's over you'll never see him again so why care what he thinks. PSYCHO to these asshats is a crown, veil, banner, label I'd wear proudly...in fact, I'd take one of EACH! Hugs!

I'm here to support you in your strength. Good job coming here and reiterating it to yourself and to us that you will not contact him. You will need your strength, though. He will keep trying for a little while...this is when you may re-think blocking or changing your number so you can get some peace, lose the anxious feeling and move on. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I understand that. Just know you're going to have to be strong and wait it out. I'm proud of you and I send you a big hug. sincerely (determined to stop) spinning