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Not going to repeat the same mistake!!!

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#1 Jun 21 - 9PM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

Not going to repeat the same mistake!!!

Just got a FB message from another old boyfriend, he's going through a divorce. This one was a guy I slept with off & on while we both dated other people (I was only 19, apparently I had no morals).
I sent him a polite but distant message. I'm not going down that road again. It doesn't matter whether he's an N or just a lonely middle aged guy I used to know. I'm married and I'm going to be faithful.
Even though there is no sex in my marriage, my husband deserves my faithfulness.
That other road just leads to heartache!!

Jun 22 - 7AM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

predictable

I hear that happens often on FB!
Jun 22 - 1AM
adoette
adoette's picture

That's one of the silver

That's one of the silver linings of this experience, wacaet. We know too much to go down that road again. I have the same conviction: never again. I guess I should've known (by some primal sense or something) that FB is a breeding ground for such activity, but I was shocked and surprised when I found this site and read time and time again the part FB plays in these experiences. (at the start up and after, especially).
Jun 21 - 9PM
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I'm with you on that. I had

I'm with you on that. I had no intention of ever being unfaithful to my husband and got caught up in the Narc. I will never do that again with anyone. It went against all my morals, principles, and values and I got so far away from the person I used to be. I NEVER lied before! I NEVER cheated before! I didn't even call in sick to work unless I was deathly ill. I was always a person of loyalty, integrity, reliability, ethics and standards, and I lost that while I was sneaking around with him. I started to become like him. But at least I've learned from my mistakes and weaknesses with him. And yes, a relationship like that is doomed to failure and heartache from the start, for everyone involved.
Jun 22 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

Smitten

what you wrote above about how you feel about your moral character is how I feel about my self and why I can't and won't go back to the EX and I am hoping I will stay strong and stay NC and stay AWAY from him because I will really, really feel like I let my character down to go back ;(
Jun 22 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
adoette
adoette's picture

Smitten Kitten

Same here, SK. That's also part of the cognitive dissonance. Like, how did this happen to ME? The ME I knew before the N would have never ever done something like this. Ever. We talk about the CD with the Ns behavior, but I've had some CD with my behavior as well. I just don't get how I could let this happen. I have often thought, why didn't I just NOT RESPOND to that email of his, the one that sucked me in and sealed my fate? I actually know some of the answer to that question (i'll spare you the details, but I think we overlap a little here :), but it doesn't totally line up with the person I thought I was, ya know? More CD.
Jun 22 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
wacaet
wacaet's picture

same here I really think they

same here I really think they hone in on our weak spots and know exactly how to get to us. But still, a year ago I would have sworn there were no weak spots. I guess all they need is a tiny crack in our armor to get to us. I do remember, distinctly, replying to my N's inquiring email with just a little too much personal info and thinking "perhaps I shouldn't tell him so much" and hitting send anyway. NEVER AGAIN!!!
Jun 22 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
adoette
adoette's picture

wacaet

that still, small voice....