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Is this normal?

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#1 Aug 15 - 2AM
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

Is this normal?

I don't know what's happening..i find myself alone,night after night...breaking dates,not answering calls...i've never in my life been alone this much..i'm not totally depressed,not super happy,but not that,i can't eat or sleep depressed..just kind of melancholy...i've always been the boyfriend girl,i've NEVER gone a year single! Where am i at in my recovery? Will I get my spunk back? Is this depression and I just don't know it,or is this a normal part of the healing process?

Aug 16 - 1PM
Amy
Amy's picture

Sweetsamm

I was always the "boyfriend girl" too. I have realized I get into relationships too quickly (because the guys I have dated always want to reel me in quick). I am using this time to go out with friends and get to know different guys. I have been out on lots of dates but no one has been "for me" really. Before, I would have felt obligated to keep going out with these guys and give them more chances! I usually go out with a small circle of friends too. It has been helpful - I trust them and they have my back! Maybe you need to do more stuff for yourself - find an outlet. I am not sure that spending so much time alone is a good idea. As the phrase goes "An idle mind is the devil's plaything". I know for me that spending too much time idle made me over-analyze everything and I started blaming myself for stuff. I now have a VERY active social life and my friends laugh at the exN, saying they can't WAIT to run into him. It's really funny and I enjoy life more now that I did for a long time!
Aug 18 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

You sound fantastic to me

Hi Amy, You sound good. All your hard work is paying off. I am happy for you. I have done that same thing you describe. Allowing these men to take me hostage BEFORE I allow myself adequate time to see if I even want to be with them long-term. Taking this time for you is awesome and I totally agree with this. I am going to do the same. Just date and give myself the time to decide if THEY fit MY criteria. You go girl, love your posts. God bless, Goldie
Aug 18 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

amy

I totally agree with you amy..this weekend i'm going out with some friends...and a guy i went out with last week,came to my work and wanted to see me again fri night...,sooo,I'm getting some of my old self back:)
Aug 18 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Amy
Amy's picture

Good for you!

Balancing the time between your girlfriends and guys who want to date you is important too. Make sure that you don't get yourself locked-in with a guy too quickly. Trust me on this one! I have seen soooo many red flags lately. My girlfriends are so good for advice. I have literally had them so "NO WAY are you going out with THAT guy again." lol!
Aug 18 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

No BF anytime soon

Hahah,a bf? No way........just gonna get out...I'm so fricking picky,(i have NO idea how old man N slipped in,lol), I know what I want and what I need, and I am absolutely NOT settling...maybe Old man N was to make me realize that the perfect guy for me may not give me that crazy over-the-top in love,can't live without feeling,because in reality that isn't real,I mean old man N telling me his favorite shows on tv were the hills and the bachelorette?? I was a little silly believing some of the things he told me,and just because me and the next guy have the same color and brand toothbrush,doesn't mean we are 'soulmates',YES,he convinced me that that was some sort of sign..LOL,but please don't tell anyone......haha
Aug 15 - 8AM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

I think so

I left my marriage a year ago and have been completely NC for 6+ months. I'm going through something similar, and have been told it's pretty much normal part of recovering from Narcville. I've always been an introvert but could present as extroverted where needed, now I even struggle to do that. I find I'm very sensitive to noise and stimuli so prefer to spend quite a bit of time at home and quiet. Part of it is just being where I feel safe. I don't seem to have the social confidence I normally do. I still see friends and am dating a nice man but prefer one on one or small groups of people I trust. And I think that may be the key, my trust was so damaged that I've retreated and am only re-emerging slowly, when and where I know I can trust. That said the new bf and I had a little impromptu gathering the other evening and while I wasn't out there being the life of the party (that was never me anyway) I did have a really good time, mostly watching people. So I'm kind of waiting to see how it unfolds, but I think you're in a normal stage of the process. Focus on what makes you feel safe, happy and fulfilled. xoxo
Aug 15 - 4AM
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Learning to be okay alone is

Learning to be okay alone is part of the healing process for sure. What if you are MORE than the boyfriend girl? What if now it is time for you to discover friendships, a new career, a journey? What about reading, exercising? You don't need a boyfriend right now. Now you are learning and growing. The melancholy is normal, but do not isolate yourself. Stay with good friends. ((((hugs)))
Aug 15 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

thank you both:)

Thank you.....like i said,i'm not depressed,i just feel different..i only want to hang with small groups of people i trust..i've weeded out all the fakes,i now know who i can trust....I agree,it's time for me to stop being the boyfriend girl and learn to stand on my own,I think once i do that i might be ready to meet someone,until then,absolutely not. The good news,i had to work today,.and felt absolutely fabulous,tons of sleep,no hangover,enjoyed work....life is good:)