Like no time had passed

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helldweller
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Like no time had passed

So I was crossing the street after dropping off my daughters back at school this morning and WHAM! There he was, with his foster child. I was so shocked, as I usually keep an eye out for where he is and avoid him, but I didn't see him coming. I just said hello to the child and the narc gave me that god damned puppy dog, innocent look and smile and softly said, "Hi." I was in such shock I said, "Yeah. Hi" in this really surly tone. I'm so mad at myself! I was so obviously affected by him. He must be thrilled. Almost three weeks of partying without me around and then the second I see him I'm a mess. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Two and a half weeks have passed since I've seen him--and it's like nothing passed at all. I felt so far away from him over Christmas, with just a couple of little freak outs.

I can't do this anymore! Why why why am I still so affected by him?

Scoop
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Whilst you think you may
Whilst you think you may have wore youre heart on youre sleave when you said "hi" the is really very little someone could gage from one word and a tone so i wouldnt worry about it too much , compaired to how you where i recon you handled it just right , being caught off guard by a narc puts us in fight or fight mode almost instantly and its a horrible shock to the system and takes a while for youre adrenalin levels to calm down . big love scoop xx
Briseis
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Honey I don't know how you
Honey I don't know how you can't be. Especially when caught off guard? In the first month of NC the narc made yet another attempt to contact me, this time by dragging a naive sheriff deputy out to the farm with a sob story about not having a vehicle (his truck was in impound after having been stolen and joyrided and causing an accident with a pregnant woman). I did everything I could to not look at his face, but sideways I saw him with this oh so compassionate "I'm such a sweetheart, dontcha just love me??" LOOK on his face, boring holes in me with it, four weeks into a restraining order for threats to kill me. It was SO inappropriate I could not get his fugly mug out of my head!! It was like a PTSD flashback and his stupid face with that stupid expression would just be THERE in my mind like a plague. It's nothing more than a disgusting, revolting manipulation he used on you because it used to work like a charm in the past. Doesn't now, does it :P ??? Just makes you sick, inside and out. That's progress, HD, in spite of how it feels.
MsVulcan500
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Helldweller
I'm sorry he aught you unawares! But it sounds like you handled it fine. So it messes with you, but it sounds like you didn't let him see how he affected you. At first, this is very important, to not let him see how you feel, how he hurt you. Eventually you will get to the point that he just repulses you, but you may always be affected some when you see him. You're doing great and getting stronger. You went through a lot with this jerk and it's going to take a while to get over it.
helldweller
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MsVulcan
I did let him see it: i was sarcastic and agitated. But I didn't scream F You at least. Thanks for your support; it means more than you could ever know. I can't wait until he simply repulses me! :)
Hunter
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Helldweller
I'm sorry you had to run into him. You handled yourself well. I'm not sure when it goes away. Having problems myself . A true head f$&k at it's best. Happy and I are planning a lunch in The city. She suggested maybe you'd like to Join. Hugs oxox
helldweller
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idealk9
Ugh! The head f*ckiest! I'd love to join you guys when you meet for lunch. Sounds great! And thank you!
Hunter
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Get on the new site so I can
Get on the new site so I can contact you. Good job today! Be strong! PS I'm buying
gettinbetter
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Helldweller I had gone 15
Helldweller I had gone 15 years without seeing the narc and he still affects me like this. Is there any way you can switch your kids school next year? The mere sight of them keeps you in it. I have to say I haven't spokeb to the narc since oct and I am just starting to see glimpses of who I was before he returned. He has been so terribly sadistic to you that I'm sure you are suffering from a severe trauma bond and seeing him will trigger it every time. You can do it and you will do it. This is survival for you Helldweller I feel if you would have stayed in that relationship with that level of degradadation I believe that it literally would have killed u. Once your spirit and soul die your body is not far behind
helldweller
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sick of it
Hmmmmm. Maybe it's a good thing, kind of like after you lose weight you keep around a photo of your fat self so you don't go back. I don't know. I'm going to try to think of it that way. Problem is, I DID let him see how it bugged me. The way I answered him was agitated and sarcastic. Oh, well. At least I didnt' scream at him to F off! I just can't bring myself to take the kids to a new school. It's one of the top ten in Chicago, and we'd have to move again anwyay, into a different district. Sigh. THis is one thing where I really just have to focus, focus, focus on what's important and what I'm NOT willing to give up for him. You're right, sick of it. I would have died or gone to jail--and soon.
gettinbetter
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Yes try and think of it that
Yes try and think of it that way. Every time you feel like your missing him or want to contact just ask yourself do I want to die? I don't think that's overly dramatic. I think in your case its very possible that it would have ended that way. You couldn't have continued that way.
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture
Yes try and think of it that
Yes try and think of it that way. Every time you feel like your missing him or want to contact just ask yourself do I want to die? I don't think that's overly dramatic. I think in your case its very possible that it would have ended that way. You couldn't have continued that way.
JRB123
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Know the Feeling!
Hi there, I just wanted to say I can empathise with you. I am new to this board but have had a few narc experiences in my life. My most recent one was a cyberpath type one with someone playing mind games with me on facebook. Unfortunately he is a dad where my kids go to school so I see him on a weekly basis in the playground. I have tried to be cool and remained ' professional' about things, saying 'hello' to him like a casual acquaintance - like nothing had ever happened. However I recently felt abit angry about it all and unfriended him from facebook and then last week I scowled at him and said 'hello' through gritted teeth! I think at the end of the day we are human and we have emotions (unlike them!). It's very hard to get them out of our minds too when we see them so often. At the moment I feel like blanking him all together as if he doesn't exist. If we happen to pass each other I will avert my eyes. It's going to be hard but can't think how else to handle this. At least we haven't ranted and screamed at them as no doubt they would love to portray us as the 'crazy woman'!! I am finding taking some deep breaths and lots of distractions are helping, as well as avoidance like you are doing! Also with it being holidays at the moment I have very much enjoyed not doing the school run!! Like you I am always very aware of where he is in the playground and will turn the other way. I wonder how long it will take for these feelings to go away?
helldweller
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JRB
You are speaking my language! I know you're new here; my narc took in a four year old foster child without talking to me first the week before we were supposed to get engaged. Now the two of them are living in the house he built for my daughters and me, before the kid came. I have to see him every day, twice, shmoozing with the moms on the playground--who never knew he had a girlfriend, because I wasn't allowed to kiss him on the cheek, hug him, or touch him in any way on the playground. Grrrrrrrrrrr. . . . I have no idea how long it will last. I hate them. Grrrrr!!!! LOL
JRB123
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Read your story
I read your story after reading this post. You really have experienced something truly awful - my heart goes out to you. My experience was very minor in comparison and yet it really affected me so I can only imagine what you are going through. What a horrendous man, he sounds really messed up. I know what you mean about the other women fawning all around. The same with this one - he does charity work and is on the PTA and everyone thinks he's great. If only they knew the truth like we do! Hope we are able to keep our distance and move on from these awful people. If one of my daughters has a bad experience at at school I always say to her 'If someone is mean to you - don't hang out with them. Go and find the nice people as there's always nice people out there to be with!' Now I think it's time to follow this advice for myself! I really hope this man starts to have less of a hold on you soon.