Nightmares

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#1 Nov 5 - 10AM

Swan

Nightmares

Lately I have been having these nightmares and bad dreams about the Narc. Sometimes I don't remember the dream especially during my busy work week but I have a gnawing feeling of ickyness all day and know that I dreamt about him, just not what the details were.

However, sometimes like last night I have these vivid detailed nightmares and end up waking up because I am crying so loud. Last night's was particularly bad.
Is this common? When do they go away?
I am assuming my brain is trying to process all that I have endured because I am in therapy and wading through some heavy stuff all thanks to my Narcabuser.
BUT!!! In these dreams....he's so violent.
Is that my brain telling me that I still need to beware??
Any feedback on nightmares would be greatly appreciated.
Swan

#2 Nov 6 - 11AM

Syren66 (not verified)

Think about all you have

Think about all you have heard especially about Vietnam Vets after returning from a combat zone, sleep deprived...or former POWs...they spent years having horrible nightmares and flashbacks in their waking moments. You've survived combat of sorts...we all have. I go in cycles with this...I dream about him constantly, or I don't dream of him at all. My dreams have never involved violence, as there was none in our relationship...I never felt physically threatened by him; only mentally - maybe that plays a role in the types of post break up dreams one has...I don't know enough about it, though. All I know is that I am still moving forward without the bastard and if he visits me in my dreams, that's the only contact the fucker's ever gonna get with me. Promise.

#3 Nov 6 - 10AM

dulcinea441

I had a terrible nightmare

I had a terrible nightmare about my narc the other night! I dreamt that he was standing next to me in an old, abandoned barn, grinning coldly. I couldn't move or scream as he stuck long pins into me. This was my soul telling me that this man is evil and to stay away from him as long as I live.

#4 Nov 6 - 8AM

Swan

the nightmares continue...

I looked up my dream from last night online. This is the interpretation: Being Killed/Murdered To dream that you have been killed suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. The dream refers to drastic changes that you are trying to make. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself. Killing represents the killing off of the old parts and old habits. Alternatively, the dream represents feelings of being let down or betrayed by someone in your waking life. You are feeling overwhelmed, shocked and disappointed To dream that you witness a murder indicates deep-seated anger towards somebody. Consider how the victim represents aspects of yourself that you want to destroy or eliminate. To dream that you are murdered suggests that some important and significant relationship has been severed. You are trying to disconnect yourself from your emotions. Crying: To dream that you are crying signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In your daily lives, you tend to ignore, deny, or repress your feelings. But in your dream state, your defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of those feelings that you have repressed during the day. To wake up crying represents some suppressed hurt or previous trauma that is coming up to the surface. You can no longer suppress these emotions. They need to be dealt with head on. http://www.dreammoods.com/ So I guess, while the dreams are horribly terrifying, they are in a way, good because I am working out all the emotional and psychological damage he did. God bless us all.

#5 Nov 5 - 6PM

agnesmurphy17

trauma

Nightmares are a symptom of trauma. Or so I have read. I used to dream every night about my N when I first left him. That lasted about a year. I would wake up really upset. Fall back asleep & dream of him again. All night long. Even now, every once in awhile, I'll have a dream about him. It goes away & gets better.

#6 Nov 5 - 6PM

rosedewittbukater

Dream journal

Have you ever thought about keeping a dream diary or journal? You can keep a notebook by the bed and jot them down when you wake up. I sometimes do this with when I have especially intense dreams or nightmares. If nothing else I found it helps with "clearing" my mind for the day. It might help you with carrying around that icky feeling throughout your day. Like many others have said, I do feel it is your minds way of trying to process what has happened. I can tell you they will get less and less distressing and less frequent! hugs, Rose

#7 Nov 5 - 5PM

a65703

I have nightmares pretty much

I have nightmares pretty much every other night about my Ex. After my breakup, I would just want to sleep to ESCAPE my ex and my thoughts - but my vivid dreams about him felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. This week, one day, I woke up around 4AM because of a dream I had where I had access to his cell-phone/facebook messages and read communication between him and his ex and him and his current girlfriend. I swear, it felt so real. I woke up so distraught. Pretty much, we are dealing with a case of Post-traumatic stress disorder or at least remnants of it. In a sense, I believe it is our subconscious telling us something. What, I am not sure - it depends solely on the person but deep down inside, our heart/mind/soul/ego/subconscious and whatever else is telling us the N is bad!!!!!!!! Mr. Vaknin's article about this is helpful, I suggest you read it for more insight: http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html With time, they have lessened. And will lessen. He is not even worth corrupting my dreams, let alone my livelihood!!

#8 Nov 5 - 4PM

Victim-no-more

I've been having the dreams

I've been having the dreams too, but mine are usually almost like reruns of actual events where he would say or act in cruel ways, sometimes OW are in the dream. I do think it is a way of processing......not very enjoyable though, especially waking up with these extreme emotions, feeling like you actually had an interaction with him. I suppose the brain is very complex and its trying to sort it all out.

#9 Nov 5 - 2PM

Tigerlily

I think the dreams

are pushing back up into your consciousness things you wouldn`t allow yourself to see or feel while you were still with him. All those gut instincts, ignored red flags, squished down anger/jealousy/insecurity/fear - are all now coming to the surface. I don`t think I dreamed ONCE in the two years I was with Wottaprick (I didn`t dare). Now I dream nearly every night. Recently I even had a funny dream about him (played a trick on him with some friends) and woke laughing. It`s all part of the process. And if you`re processing it in your sleep as well as awake, it`s a sign that you`re a damned hard worker and should be done with all the shit quicker! Keep going strong. Tigerlily

#10 Nov 5 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

Swan

Tigerlily

God I hope you are right in thinking that I am processing this at a high rate and will heal quicker!! Lord knows I am working really hard in therapy, on my own, and reading all kinds of books on healing after a traumatic relationship. I am just DONE with being miserable. DONE. I just don't like the violence in my dreams. He was so, so violent and cruel in my dream last night....but then again, he was so so violent and cruel in real life too.

#11 Nov 5 - 2PM

GeorgiaGirl

Me too

I started having scary dreams again this past week. In the worst one I found out he killed two people and then he proceeded to kill me with a hammer. I woke up having a panic attack. I think it's my brains way of working through some of the unexplainable stuff and continuing to warn me of just how dangerous this guy really is.

#12 Nov 5 - 1PM

Amazed

Swan,,,and the dreams that happen and the nightmares..

Just want to let you know the same thing happens to me. Have vivid dreams,,nightmares,,,extreme feelings,,,yes, it is your brain trying to process through the trauma, they are so manipulative, and use brainwashing and coercion and got you so confused,, that you are trying to sort it all out. Just be calm. It helps to explain to yourself that this is just me healing. It has been over 2 year NC for me and the beginning was very difficult,,,it does get better,,give it time. Over 2 years NC and I still get occasional vivid dream,,,,not as often, however that is how evil they are. Keep NC, it is the best road to healing, as is education.

#13 Nov 5 - 10AM

Gravity

This is very common. I have

This is very common. I have been having nightmares about him nearly every single night since about March. Many of my nightmares bring me to waking in the night having panic attacks. I'll have nightmares about him being a serial killer.. very vivid horrible nightmares. It's the bodies way of bringing about the subconscious feelings we may have that could include fear, anger, ect.

#14 Nov 5 - 10AM

uk lady

Hi Swan

Yes, I too have been having nightmares recently and sometimes not being able to remember their content but just know that I have had one. Rather spooky feeling really. Last week I dreamed that I had put the ex into the washing machine and switched it on. What is that all about other than now reminding me of that old song "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair" scenario. ROFL. But very chilling at the time. I think therapy always brings up deep subconscious feelings which may manifest themselves in our dreams. If you feel you still need to be wary then that is your gut instinct telling you to be so. Stay safe. Dee x

#15 Nov 5 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

rosedewittbukater

Washing machine

roflmao! If only the washer could wash out all the bad in them! What a telling dream!

#16 Nov 5 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

uk lady

Hi Rose

What does MAO mean? If only it were that easy to wash the badness out of them. I have to also add that I have had some especially intense dreams recently too where the ex-P didn't feature at all. They were intense in that I felt a deep feeling of love, contentment and safety, the people in my dream were all unknown to me. Now that may be even more telling or just wishful thinking come through. Either way, I woke up feeling fantastic. Dee x

#17 Nov 5 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

whskywmn5

MAO

I believe the correct words for that roflmao is rolling on floor laughing my ass off.

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