A new start

19 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 3 - 7AM

justwantpeace

A new start

Ok ex was served his papers. He hasnt come near me. Yeah. But I did hear from him after he got them. He did all the blaming and it was my fault. I was told my papers were my version of what I believed happen. UH HUH. I have all my text messages and emails. I am sending them to my lawyer for court.

Also he has flipflopped on son about answering his calls and text messages. Son is required per the papers to talk to ex 2 times a week. Son knows this and I let him choose. He is old enough. Ex's relationship with him is his to own and his to build or tear down. Well he is tearing it down so no surprise. He was ugly about son not answering and sending text and leaving messages.(yes barbara son saved those for lawyer) then he doesnt want son to answer because he has to but because he wants to. oh please. then he wants me to punish son and take something away from him for not answering him. That one isnt going to happen and I cant punish him for not answering text messages. Pssst ex thats not in the papers. so ex needs to be careful with son to because my lawyer told him that if ex says anything he doesnt like (lawyer gave son her card), he is to call her.

Well he finally stopped with blaming me and hounding me. Im not responding. So it must be killing him. Last night I started getting emails to my phone where I had sent him what im required per the papers. i have to let him know of sons therapy and any out of state visits I take son to. I give him my vacation dates again. I send a seperate email for each update and say I need a reply via email by this date. I sent one on a change in his therapy. He replies to my phone about the vacation and wanting to get a day of it. He has done this before. Everytime son and I take a trip ex tries to get some of that time. He really wants to have control and keep up from going out of the state. I guess i didnt realize how bad.

Both our therapy dates were moved up so we start with the new therapist in a week. I went to my doctor yesterday and she gave me something to help deal with ex. Its only when I need it. I feel comfortable just knowing I have something and havent had to take anything yet.

But I know that its all about control for him. My lawyer even stated this. Its not about me and its not even about son.

I feel I am taking positive steps. Its one day at a time. I have a long way to go and I know that. But Im determined to get there, move on, and most of all help my son so hopefully this doesnt damage him.

So the case is being built for court and its just a waiting game right now.

#2 Jun 8 - 7AM

justwantpeace

Ex

This is where I am to close to my situation to see the big picture. Ex is being extremely nice. I dont know if I did the right thing after son and ex got into an argument. I told ex that Im not getting in the middle. He needs to hear how son feels. Son also needs to learn life coping skills and to be able to deal with difficult people. Its hard and at times I feel like Im throwing him to a wolf. I try to monitor things so if I need to step in or back son. I told ex that if he wanted to be a dad to son then he would be there. That I would not have to ask him to do things. I said I cant fix you, change you, or make you be there for son. So now he is apologizing to me for his behavior and that he really wants to be there for son. He said I just dont know when I am allowed to help out or be at functions. Well first of all if its a public function, per our papers, I have to notify him. He doesnt need my permission to come because of those papers. Another thing if he wanted to help he would say can I help get him places or is there anything he needs. He doesnt start this until yesterday. He starts in with the I really want to be there and help out all I can. He worries about son to the point he can barely work at times. he worries about him every second of every day. So son has his first boxing lesson yesterday and ex states I want to be there. He really lays the superdad talk on to me not son. I gave him the info as he has the right per the papers. i wasnt staying. Son says to him oh you dont need to come. Ex tells me that he was just doing what son wanted and no matter what its going to be wrong with me or son. He didnt show up. I just said no I am required to give you the extracirricular activity info and that was what I did. It is your choice whether you come. So I am leary of the niceness and cant shake the bad feeling. He didnt start that til after I said something and I shouldnt have. So I am not sure if its to look good for the courts or try and have some control back. OR even if its about control. All I saw was him trying to look good to me and didnt say any of the speech I got to son.

#3 Jun 8 - 9AM (Reply to #17)

sanctuary

It's like walking a tight

It's like walking a tight rope...Trying to support and protect the kids and at the same time letting them work out the relationship with the N parent. Why does he say he's so worried about your son? Doesn't make sense. It's not like after all these yrs you've forgotten how to be a parent! I find that actions speak louder than words. The BS is because you've managed to protect yourself and he can't stand it. Once his nice act doesn't work he'll try something else. Listen to your gut.

#4 Jun 8 - 9AM (Reply to #18)

justwantpeace

Worried

oh thats what I said about being so worried. His actions dont speak louder than words. I give it up to either part of the control or trying to look good before we go to court. He doesnt make any sense.

#5 Jun 7 - 6AM

justwantpeace

new wife

ok i want to where new wife is in all this. she has been really quiet and laying low. I was really hoping since they are in the honeymoon stage that she would put her foot down. Atleast til she was reeled in by him. I really feel sorry for her in a way. She has no idea what she is in for. To say how bad it has become in his family and how the N-mom has passed on issues to her sons, brothers wife is now wanting out of their marriage. I found out that ex and new wife seem to spend more time apart than they do together. Nmom went on a trip and boarded her dog and ex is staying at her house. Its just strange. anyway I dont understand why people feel the need to keep me up on ex. I really dont want to know, well unless it will help my case.

#6 Jun 7 - 6AM

justwantpeace

fed up

thanks carolyn, im trying. I have something I can take if I need to deal with him. He is the only time I really have any problems now. So my doctor gave me xanax for anxities. Ive only had to take one pill so far. I think just knowing I have something helps to. Santuary OMW this is ridiculous. If the child doesnt want anything to do with the dad or N parent there is a reason. I cant believe they wont look at it. I hope he does blow up and will let it be seen how he is. I feel more for our kids in all this mess. we can divorce the N but they really cant til they turn 18. Ive had 2 therapist say eventually my son will look at his dad and say Im done with you, dont call me, dont ever contact me again. They said it usually happens when the kids get to the age where they are more critical of their parents. I look for it to happen with your daughter to. son is being told ex worries about him so much of every second of every day to the point he can barely work. He said he worries that he has everything he needs. UH HUH and i have swampland to sell him in florida. Its funny I never get asked that question by ex. I think he is nuts and there is a squirrel outside my window looking for him.

#7 Jun 7 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

sanctuary

I love that last comment

I love that last comment about the squirrel!! No squirrels out here but I'm sure there's a few prairie dogs that would like to have a crack at him!!! She already there...it's just him forcing the court to force me to force her to see him!!! Not working!! She says that exact thing, "I'm done with him!" And GEEZ! Enough with the guilt on your poor son. They're so full of it!! I'm just trying to keep ExN from ruining the next two years for us. We just have to make the best of it as we can.

#8 Jun 8 - 5AM (Reply to #14)

justwantpeace

sanctuary

that is my goal also. im hoping this is it. i hope we can have ours done before school starts again. they deserve some peace and so do we.

#9 Jun 6 - 3PM

Carolyn

You are really doing well in

You are really doing well in this tough siutation and so is your son You are handling your own body chemistry, putting him in a situation where he can't control, you are on the same page with your lawyer, you aren't playing crazy games with him and your son doesn't sound like he wants to be used by an emotional manipulator. He might lose interest if he can't turn your world upside down. All the therapy just to deal with these people must cost millions. Just do what you are doing and go one step at a time. Try to control your body chemistry reactions to his madness. that is good for you but bad for him. The more in control you are the less interest he will have. Good luck you are very strong.

#10 Jun 3 - 7AM

justwantpeace

son

he must have known I was talking about him. He just texted me and said good morning sunshine. he knows i hate that and is aggrevating me. oh also ex let me know he was trying to teach son to respect his elders and I was just letting him do whatever. he doesnt know son as well as he thinks he does. Son had to grow up alot because of his dad and is alot more mature than most teenagers.

#11 Jun 3 - 8AM (Reply to #5)

sanctuary

He is a moron and a few

He is a moron and a few other things too!! They don't have clue about their own children. My daughter is the same way and he gives her no credit for even being able to think on her own. I'm glad to hear things are moving forward for you. I had some positive things happens as well. The Psych Eval for my daughter came back and of course he found nothing wrong with her. No surprise to any one but maybe the ExN. And he said there was no Parental Alienation. On top of that my older sister gave me the money to hire my attorney for the hearing so I won't get railroaded again. We all get to meet with the evaluator next week. He's hoping to get more of an agreement about next steps instead of court....we'll see. That's on the 10th hearing on the 16th. I was telling my daughter about some of your situation with your son, I hope you don't mind. I wanted her to know she wasn't the only person in the world that was going through something like this. She had a great idea. She offered to talk to your son, or any of the other kids for that matter, who might be interested. Maybe those that are interested could exchange emails through Barbara or we can arrange to go through another forum. I know that sometimes they need to vent just like us and need to do it with others that understand the situation. It's also hard for them to talk to us about the other parent. Barb or anyone else let me know what you think. Justwantpeace...sounds like you're doing a great job. When is your court date?

#12 Jun 3 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

justwantpeace

santuary

are you serious about the therapist? Can I ask how old your daughter is? I think she has a great idea. I can ask him. If barbara thinks its good, I dont mind. I dont mind you sharing with her. If it helps her that is what matters. This isnt fair to her. Did you have any emails or text messages? My court date hasnt been set yet. We are playing the waiting game right now. He was just served papers so he has 30 days to answer. My ex was charged with the inability to parent my son. I have emails and text messages for proof. I am really nervous about the therapy now. I hope he is a good one and will step in and say this is what the problem is and draw it out. One good thing I have going for me is my ex, other than being a N, has borderline personality disorder. There are all his records from therapy and the mental hospital that can be obtained. so i have one good thing in my corner. Also he was suppose to go to therapy and he has refused saying he doesnt need a therapist telling him whats wrong with him. well I will be thinking of you on your first date and I hope it goes well. please post about it. i would like to hear what happens. I hope you dont end up in court. That is what we will be required to do first is go to mediation. Im letting my son go to and have a say. He is almost 15 and I think he should be heard. To me trying to reach an agreement with them is a waste of time because they dont want it.

#13 Jun 6 - 11AM (Reply to #9)

sanctuary

As I emailed you earlier,

As I emailed you earlier, I'm just now catching up on the message board. I wish the ExN had some diagnosis but no such luck. AZ is stuck on the kids having a relationship with both biological parents. So unless he's giving her drugs, molesting her, or physically beating her they will try to make them have a relationship. She met with the Evaluator last week and discussed the report. She told him she was done with her dad and therapy, mediation, or anything else was pointless because he was never going to change. Barbara...you would have been proud of her... So now we wait for the meeting on the 14th with the Evaluator, Attorneys, and parents. The Evaluator might go forward with his original idea to try to get any dialogue going between them or he may come up with something different... He has already said she shouldn't be forced to do anything and that her father needs to rethink how he treats her. I have a plan to see if I can get ExN to blow up in front of everyone. It's hard to keep the mask up in front of 5 other people when faced with the truth. I've done it before with all of the other mental health pro's. He just finds a way to get rid of them. The good news is this time I already brought that up to even the judge is on the lookout for that. I'll keep you posted....

#14 Jun 6 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

Barbara (not verified)

sanctuary

this all sounds good - keep us posted! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#15 Jun 3 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

justwantpeace - email me off list and I will send you the other's email and just stick to what the papers say. DO NOT EXPLAIN YOURSELF OR TRY TO ANSWER HIS B.S. if he has issues or wants something else just text him back with the attorney's name & phone number... every single time. Do not answer him yourself. EVER. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#16 Jun 3 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

justwantpeace

emails

I will do that thanks. im done with trying. Im not going to punish my son for not answering him. that is his problem now not mine.

#17 Jun 3 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

ignore! he's laughable!! you got an RO so now he's going to violate it with something nice so if anyone calls him on it he can say "oh I was just being nice" F-him. you ought to find his new wife's email or cell number and send her the text and say "please tell your husband to cease & desist" and send that text to your lawyer - he's only doing it to bug you acting like a 5 year old. he's a moron ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#18 Jun 3 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

justwantpeace

new wife

oh i do have her email and cell phone.

#19 Jun 3 - 8AM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

forward it to her tell her he needs to stick the R.O. or you will have to take legal action LOL... I bet she has no idea he's still contacting you! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews