The New Facebook

I am pretty computer savvy and have all of my setting set to friends only. I posted a pic this morning and tagged a friend. All of her friends were commenting on my pic. It totally freaked me out and I took the pic off. I dont understand how people that arent my friends can see this pic. Before when I had it set for pics just for friends even when you tag them it it. Only my friends can see it and post comments on it. I also checked my fb profile that used to be totally closed to only friends. Well now my wall has comments that I make on public profiles are showing up. So anyone that I dont want to see my profile can still see my comments that I make if my friends profiles are set to public. I just dont get it. I tried and tried to figure out the loop hole to make this stop. I almost canceled my account. But my ex has a deleted account. So I cant unfriend or block him. But I guess he can activate his account and check my fb profile any time he wants to and I have no control.

in to post though I'm sorry you're still struggling a bit. Like Journey said...NW is you. You know her future. It will be no different for her than it was for you. That said, who cares about f'n phoney Facebook. People say all sorts of things there. It is not a reflection of reality. Here's your new reality: YOU'RE DATING AGAIN!!! Yeah you! You are meeting interesting people who are treating you like you deserve! You are being appreciated for your outstanding qualities! This is because you are desirable and attractive! Who cares about the disordered freak!!!! Love, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT!

I believe you can choose to hide all comments or status updates from certain people, even if you don't unfriend or block them. When you see one of their comments come up, there should be a little tab that says "hide all posts from 'such and such.'"

The best picture of my exn and I was taken 6 hours after a horrific fight and when he posted it, everyone commented on how beautiful we looked together, what a perfect match we were, how happy we looked blah blah blah. It was all bullshit, he was making a show for our friends and I just knew how to smile pretty. Don't take the comments and pictures to heart, you know how he is behind closed doors. And she probably does too. Xoxo

lostlove458, i am truly sad to note what kind of rotten experience you received on fb. Just felt like sharing with you that M.Zuckerberg is a classic narc. you will be able to figure that out if you watch the move Social Network. See how he got billions hooked on to FB (Idealisation phase) where everything was so hunky dory Then, he introduced n number of nuisance privacy settings and really mindf****d many of us granny-age folk (Devaluation phase) And now, we can no longer control the privacy of our Likes and Comments on a friend's post..we don't even know which info will stream out...oooo so innocently. And at this point some of us sensitives start feeling it may be better to leave fb..(Discard phase) Umm perhaps it may not be easy for you to suddenly sever fb ties..still just stay careful with your Likes and Comments. i know i sound like a dudderhead granny..but this is my sincere advise: Just IGNORE what you inadvertently see on fb..and then BLOCK the blighter and try to slowly get rid of those darned mutual friends. MFs spell trouble when we are trying to heal from a Narc-osis. Stay close to this forum. There is really a very inexplicable Positive Energy being shared here. Not joking. You will heal. but first you must accept that like all of here, you too got duped by a master deceiver.. it's OK...all of us are in the same boat..and each one of us is helping our sisters and brothers here..directly or indirectly. Love and Light be with you dear

These damn triggers can go on a long time for sure. Like others have said, she is you now. She will be devalued by him just as you were, it is only a matter of time. If the idealization stage lasts longer, that too has nothing to do with her or you, but rather, only what HE GETS out of the connection. Why her? It could be as simple as one of her hobbies feeds him more supply than yours did. Just remember, they don't form emotional attachments or bonds, so she is not getting that and if she is hoping for that, then she is not really as happy as she looks with him. You say they aren't working right now, ya, the stress is probably already showing itself behind closed doors. Keep in mind that anything you DO see on FB about him is very likely a lie or exaggeration and sometimes mutual friends are still nice to the narc because they just don't know any better. Most people grow and mature from past mistakes and earn forgiveness, so a narc will pretend to do this and unsuspecting 'friends' forgive and forget because normally that is okay. Also, virtual FB friends are very superficial, no one has to know how you really feel. You are doing really well now, dating again and life is getting better for you, so don't let the ILLUSION he presents of his life now with her FOOL you into doubting yourself or who he really is. ((hugs))

I'm wondering if you can block those friends that are commenting on photos of the N and the OW or somehow set it up so you don't see their comments.

You need to block this N and the other person, then you won't see them pop up into your feed...even if mutual friends comment on them; and also they won't see what you are up too. Best move you'll ever make.

Can you hide mutual friends for a while? I found FB was keeping me on the hamster wheel so to speak, and was extremely detrimental to my healing. Why her and not you? We all ask ourselves that question, and the answer is she IS YOU. She is where we were before, on that pedestal. No one stays on the pedestal for long, and once you learn everything there is to learn you will understand. Peace, Rose