Never ends

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Aug 9 - 10AM

helldweller

Never ends

So a neighbor casually mentioned to me this morning, "It's so great that the N is going to adopt the foster child." I'm like, whaaaa??????? So it turns out that the father and mother gave up the child and the narc is signing the adoption papers this week. I'm in complete and utter shock.

#2 Aug 11 - 1PM

helldweller

broke NC

Well, pull up a chair. I broke it last night. My mom had surgery and he knew about it of course (no idea how--probably a neighbor) and he was obviously drunk most of the day and texting me mean stuff about how my ex husband was over (he was watching our girls because I could not get a sitter during the day; my little one had diarrhea and could not make it to her dad's house so I let him come over here). I shouldn't have answered, but I texted him back and told him why and he just called me a liar a bunch of times, so I called him and he actually answered and he just kept calling me a liar so I asked him where he was and he said "Nowhere." And I asked who he was with and he said, "No one." And I said, 'Why are you not with me when my mom is having surgery? Why could you never be here for me?" And he jsut kept calling me a liar. So by the time I got home I was so exhausted and angry because my brother is in DC and there is no one else to help with my mom and I was pissed at HER because I figure now this will be my new full time job: taking care of her for ten years along with my children, meanwhile the narc is out getting drunk and laid or passed out in OUR bedroom with his kid. So I just kept thinking about what a drunk he is and I called his brother's girlfriend. His brother had asked me, after the brawl, if I thought his drinking was the problem. I had said no, because I thought it was a symptom of a larger mess. So she didn't answer so I left a long voice mail about how, yes, it's a huge problem and about how much he drinks and what a J.O. he is, etc. etc. So today, of course, the narc texts me yelling at me for talking to his family, "just when he was going to take me back" ???????? So of course, that started the freak out in me again: was I wrong? was it my fault? did i do something bad? am I crazy? am I out of control? so here I am, alone and exhausted and miserable with another notch in my crazy belt in the eyes of his family, sick to my stomach, dry heaves, bleary-eyed, horrified. He, of course, is gone again. He is always, always, always gone.

#3 Aug 11 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

Mariline

What a meaningful

What a meaningful conversation. You were giving him a detailed list of topics to discuss. Did he discuss with you? No. He just used one word: liar. Very argumentative and very detailed. Liar. We are strange, are not we? Because he just used a stupid word which means nothing. HE is the liar, this just a detail. But his word, for no apparent reason, worked. The stupid word of an ass who was able to insult you knowing that you are going through a difficult moment. You called his family. Well. What were you supposed to do? With him there is no conversation, no answers. It is a natural reaction. Probably it useless, though, as his family is disfunctional as he is. It is more than likely, so next time spare the time and the energy. But please understand this: you did nothing wrong. Period. Do not try to make him reason. It is useless and pointless. Period. Spare your energy for your mother. She gave you life. She is worth the pain. He gave you nothing. Remember that on this board, complete strangers are giving you MORE than he ever did and ever will. You did nothing wrong. He is always gone, and sweetie, he would be anyway. If you study better NPD and other issus you will meet something called no win situation. Whatever you do is wrong. Stay away from him. Stop complaining about your loss. You lost nothing except a piece of crap. He is fake. All his promises were fake. They were the carrot dangling under your nose to reduce you as his slave. Nothing more than that. Hug your daughters and your mum and yourself. Stay away from him. Breaking NC is only a way to hurt yourself.

#4 Aug 11 - 1PM (Reply to #13)

Happy1

helldweller

I'm so sorry you have so much stress in your life right now. Your N is just a crazy nut creating more drama. He thrives on making you more miserable and confused and blaming you. Don't take anything on. It's him that needs help. I'm very sorry and I hope your day gets better.

#5 Aug 10 - 12PM

faithinthefuture

helldweller

Whether he has planned this from the beginning or not is irrelevant. He had to have planned it of course but not for the sake of the child only for HIM and his F'D up way of thinking!!! Just a way of trying to make himself look like a loving caring human being. which we know he IS NOT!!!!!! may even have done it to get to you! his reasons behind are not normal but sick and twisted! And I agree. Move away from him. That's so unfair that you have to be the one to do that & uproot your girls. But I believe it's the best thing for your family. The shock is because we can't fathom how they think or why they do what they do. Remember it's NOT us it's THEM. And they are EVIL!

#6 Aug 10 - 11AM

helldweller

Dying here

My mom lost her sight in one eye and is having surgery today, the day after I found out from a NEIGHBOR that the narc is adopting the foster child. I am taking her, along with my two little girls, I haven't slept, I got roaring drunk last night, I'm trying to do my book promotions, have overdue bills as usual. Why do they always have some other completely mind-blowing thing to pull out of their ass to f*ck with us some more? Even before, when he paid all the attention to this goofy kid, I rationalized that he picked him over us because the kid could be dumped at anytime, no strings attached. All the things he hated about me: having to answer to me, commit to me, leave his money to me: he wouldn't have to give the child any of that. "Just temporary, honey," he always used to say. Now, though, all that is different. He is becoming this child's legal father. He has committed himself to the child for life. He is not only the narc's next of kin but his two brothers' next of kin as well. How is it that my beautiful daughters and I are not? This is phase two of "I would have understood if . . . " because in the beginning, when we was the bachelor, I could rationalize that he was the noncommittal bachelor and excuse him that way. After the child came, I excused it by saying, as above, "well, this isn't a real committment." What the f*ck do I tell myself now? How do I save my self esteem now when three multi-millionaires are willing to have as their legacy a smack whore's baby but not my own children?

#7 Aug 11 - 3PM (Reply to #10)

better off

"What the f*ck do I tell

"What the f*ck do I tell myself now? How do I save my self esteem now when three multi-millionaires are willing to have as their legacy a smack whore's baby but not my own children?" You tell yourself that these millionaires are F**KED UP and you have escaped a fate worse than death to be living legally attached to him. How much of this is because of money, helldweller? Does the fact that he is a millionaire somehow mean something to your self-esteem? That if he wants you, you have worth, and if he doesn't, that you don't? Are you saying you WOULD have self-esteem if you got to literally keep licking a bisexual abusive millionaire's ass?? Does that make sense? Does that sound even remotely like self-esteem? It sounds like narc-esteem. You don't have any SELF-esteem if you only get it by a narc "choosing" you for torture. My god, if that piece of slime WAS interested in ME, I'd think THAT would be a blow to my self-esteem! He's disgusting! You are STILL choosing to think of that hellhole next door as YOUR house, because he promised it to you, even though he was never going to let you live there. Do you not see that part yet? He never had ANY INTENTION of you living there, all while he "promised" it. You are so mad at him for breaking the promise, yet you don't seem to understand yet that it was always a FAKE promise. You know, like when a kid crosses his fingers behind his back. One thing a victim has to realize before they can get better is that it was NEVER real, the good part at the beginning was all LIES. YOU are in control of your thoughts. You are only setting YOURSELF back when you say "he is sleeping in OUR bedroom." You have GOT to let go or you are going to destroy yourself. You ARE destroying yourself. You care more about what the f**king narc is doing than anyone in your life. The people that DO care about you are being neglected in favor of this worm! Are they not good enough for you, only the millionaire narc is good enough for you? One thing that my husband (who is not my N, but has some emotional problems) does that drives me berserk is that he doesn't "love" us, his family, sometimes, because since we are with HIM, well, we don't count for much. He thinks so little of himself that he doesn't think much of his own wife and kids sometimes. He is always worried about what some other idiot thinks... gaining approval from some other "better" source somehow means something, but we are just the people he takes for granted. That narc is not better than you... far from it, he's a piece of fungus! He's a pervert and he, a KNOWN domestic abuser, is now being allowed to adopt an innocent child who has no one to speak for him... why the hell else do you think he wants "some smack whore's baby?" And you're mad at the baby! But somehow your precious daughters need to be adopted by this PERVERT to be special? You sound as if he called you today and said, I'm sorry, I love you, come live with me, you would do it! I'm sorry to come on so strong, but I think you need a reality check!! Mel Gibson is a millionaire, look what life with him is like! Please... count your blessings and get AWAY from this animal, and stop contacting his family! You only feed the monster and give him more ammunition to call you crazy. YOU CANNOT HURT HIM. They are not hurtable. You are only hurting you, it's like you are throwing yourself against a barbed wire fence and you are covered in blood and gashes, yet thinking you are somehow hurting HIM. Please, please stop.

#8 Aug 9 - 3PM

Steph

I agree with the others. He

I agree with the others. He planned on doing that from Day 1 i'm sure. It will be soooo good for you when you move away from this monster!

#9 Aug 9 - 2PM

helldweller

thanks again

my mind is just reeling. As always, the LAYERS of atrocity are hard to wrap one's head around: the promises before he came, the promises when he came, the deceit and lies a day AFTER he came, the ongoing bullshit, the lack of committment to my girls and me, the forty million dollar inheritance while I went broke trying to lovingly take care of him, telling him he didn't have to marry me, that I would sign an agreement claiming none of his money, etc etc etc. I'm having a really hard time with this.

#10 Aug 9 - 12PM

herlatestvictim

That poor child...

My mother is an N (more borderline in my opinion) she also adopted children. These disordered personality types collect children to fulfill their own needs.. and the children suffer. Just wait until that child hits puberty and wants to have a mind/life of his own!

#11 Aug 9 - 10AM

Amy

I am sure it was something

I am sure it was something he planned on since he took the foster child in. I honestly think that if you can move, you should. Living next door is torture for you. I live a mile from my ex-fiance N, and I hate it. I never see him but I still hate it.

#12 Aug 9 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

helldweller

Amy

I know you are right, and that is what makes it so unfathomably horrible. I am moving, but every second here is like a month.

#13 Aug 9 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

Amy

Thank Goodness!

Glad you are moving! You will be so much better off. i hope he has no idea where to!

#14 Aug 9 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

Used

helldweller

that bastard planed everything from the get go, ive seen that with both narc,s they act out[in their head there role and your role, before you even know what has hit you.

#15 Aug 9 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

Susan32

Good!

I was glad when I left the Southwest. I no longer had any chances of running into my ex-P. That would've been torture, especially when he started painting himself as the Happy Normal Family Man (but why are his parents raising his kids???) It's great that you're moving. You won't have to see your N any more and be sickened by it. The sooner you move, the better.

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