need support today

I have gone on a great vacation to a private beach to b alone and try to heal and all iv done is cry for every single reason u mentioned..and wished he could be there w/me..thought my vacation would be so much better if he was there..well guess what? He wasnt there and I survived and I cried ALOT and relaxed as much as I could..his loss!!! They dont care..we have to stop torturing ourselves..I bet not 1 of them right now r thinking..gosh Im such an asshole for hurting her...they r just going on about their day like if we never exsisted!! Actions speak louder than words!!

I feel your pain and i know it is gut wrenching. As Lisa said and the biggest truth is IT WILL GET BETTER. The problem is that after 12 yrs (or in my case 10 yrs) everything in our history involves them and they certainly made themselves the center of our universe. Now we have to make new histories without them and that will take time. I wallowed in the pain as long as i needed to - felt every bit of it and it eventually got better with his absence. I always remember the Tom Hanks line in the 'Sleepless in Seattle' movie after his wife died when he said something along the lines of 'I get up every morning and remind myself to breath'. that is how it is for a while. But not forever. IT WILL GET BETTER, when you begin to move on with your life because what choice do you have. I equate it to people who spend years gaining weight and then expect some miracle in a month or two of trying to take it off. Years of damage do not repair that quickly. Feel your pain and wake up every day and remember to 'breath'. Much strength to you. It is a hard road we have all traveled in our own way. You will find yours and it will get better.

I bet you were sad. It is sad. You just have to go through the sad stuff. I think you were very brave going 12 years is a long time to be with an evil person and 3 months isn't long for deprogramming. Next year when you take a holiday it will be easier, and one day you'll take a holiday and be glad you're not with that cheating disordered contemptible liar.

12 years a long time. I feel for you. Nobody will fix him and no one will EVER be enough for him. It is not you. Crying is healthy. Everything you are experiencing is a normal response to dealing with the abnormal. take NinjaGirl's advice and start focusing on your goals and do something for you. We've all felt what you are feeling and we are all here for you. Big Hugs to you. xoxo

I'm so sorry you're in such pain right now. Believe me, we know how it feels. But we also know that it does get better. You're still so freshly out of the relationship and it was such a long relationship at that. It's going to take time for the pain to go away. The best thing you can do right now, like NinjaGirl said, is to channel your anger into a productive outlet. Working out, kickboxing, boxing, singing, dancing, playing a sport, running, playing an instrument or singing. You've got to get the anger out. Hit a pillow, scream. You have to get the anger out and turn it into a productive outlet for your pain. Help others so they can avoid falling for a narcissist. Start the DC support group for victims of narcissists. Build awareness in your community. We can turn our anger into a voice that can make a difference. We are in a unique position to speak our mind without punishment. Take on this mission to ensure other young people don't get hurt. You are very successful in your career. You have achieved so much at such a young age. You should be very proud of yourself. This man is nothing but a fraud. The man you want to be with doesn't exist. Remember that when you miss him. I know it's excuciatingly painful right now, but please remember you are not alone. We are here for you. Big hugs and love to you.

You have my sincere sympathy broken. It is just not fair. It is wrong. 12 years is such a long time to bond with someone and also to sustain lots of ongoing abuse. xxx A big hug. Peace. J

Honey, you were abused by him for 12 years. I thank God I was only abused by mine for six. But at any rate, this is so completely normal. I'm less than a week into NC with my ex, and although at times I wish he'd contact me and want me back and give me that sense of good times, I know that it will never be real, even if it were to happen. You aren't to blame for anything that happened! They're like a drug. They're addictive, and horribly bad for you, and withdrawal is a b!tch. Believe me, I understand. But every day that I focus on the things I never did because I was too focused on him, I feel myself getting stronger. I'm too excited about the things I want to do with my life to spend too much time moping over him. What are your goals in life? What are the things you've always wanted to do and have never done? For me, I'm learning how to drive stick-shift, I started easing into running again, I'm back at martial arts (I WILL get my black belt and continue on from there), and I'm going to be taking motorcycle lessons. And those are just the plans for the next year or so! Who knows what else I may come up with? But really, what are YOUR goals and dreams? I'm sure you had ones that existed before he ever came along. Also, think about what you would tell your friend, or a daughter if you have one, if they came to you and told you that they were in an abusive relationship where they kept getting hurt but "loved" him so much that they couldn't leave? What would you tell them to do? Would you be angry on their behalf? Get angry on YOUR behalf! This guy is NOT a winner! No matter how much fun you had with him, it was all a lie. He wasn't your true love, he wasn't your Prince Charming. Make a list of everything he's ever done to you. Mine is growing every freaking day as I remember more and more things. In fact, it's just as easy for me now to recall something bad as it is to recall something good, and the bad far outweighs the "good", which really was nothing special. The only reason it felt special is because these narcs specialize it making you feel a way you've never felt before. It's hypnotizing you. It's trancing you so that they can prey on you. Please, don't shed another tear for this guy. Think about YOU, your own power, your dreams, your life. Do you want to be 90 thinking back on your life and remembering that you spent most of it longing for a man who's not even really a man? Who didn't love you enough to be there for you? Who had no problems finding "happiness" with someone else? Do you really want to leave a legacy like that? I would hug you if I were there, but I'm not, so please accept my virtual {{{hugs}}}. I'm right there with you. I share your pain.