Need a kick in the ass!

10 years in hell, I ended it 8 weeks ago, NC almost 4 weeks. I miss absolutely nothing and never will. It was all awful and he was a psychopath. Do you still have your list of the awful things the xN said/did? Re-read every time you have a miss him moment. Write a list if you missed this step - nothing like remembering in detail all the pathological lies, control, manipulation, infidelity, gaslighting, projection, anxiety, fear, sick to the pit of your stomach with worry moments to kill all feeling.

I'm ten months out and I still have fond loving memories of the time I shared with the Narc. But Needing 2 Know do your best to not beat up on yourself for being fully human. Stop judging yourself. It takes time to heal from abuse. Remember. Healing is not a race to the finish line. Healing is a process; not a measuring stick. There's nothing wrong with love of having feelings of love; even towards someone who abused us. You can't control your feelings of love so don't try; you'll make yourself crazy. What we do have power over is loving someone and making the emotional decision to no longer have them in our lives; even if THEY did the dumping. Love is a wonderful thing! It's the abuse that sucks. You my dear are not a bag of trash for loving. The Narc is the person who feels like a bag of trash because its his nature to treat people the way he feels on the inside. Just remember to forgive yourself. Write out the reasons why you need to forgive yourself. This exercise works. Forgive yourself for giving your heart to someone who wasn't worthy of your time, love, respect nor admiration. Learn how to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who was going through the same thing you're going through right now. Would you kick a friend in the ass for feeling intense sadness over the end of an abusive relationship? Something tells me you wouldn't so learn how to treat yourself with the same kindness, patience, and nurturing in the way you would to a friend. I'm rambling on...but give yourself the continued permission to grieve (cry, scream, beat a pillow with his picture stapled to it) until the veil is lifted. The only way out is through. Just remember to be kind to you. You deserve it. HG

I'd say anything you're feeling is normal. I think we go through those five stages and the last one takes a while and hits us at different times. It's that final acceptance that we will never talk to these men/women again. We know it subconsciously, but part of ourselves thinks about maybe bumping into them one day or just being able to have a normal chit chat relationship. Eventually the penny sort of drops that this really is it, and it's gone forever. As bad as it was, and as right as it is to let go, it still has to be grieved, and part of that process is remembering the good times too. They weren't all bad. We wouldn't have loved them if they were.

I am going through the exact same thing! it has only been 15 days since he dd me and I have been NC since then. But yesterday I went to visit a relative. he would come on these trips with me and we would have a blast. Everything reminded me of him yesterday. I know in my head that he is toxic & I will not be played again, but i was a wet rag yesterday. We were together almost 2 years, lived together, things were great. He revealed very little narc behavior when we were together. Then out of the blue...DD. My mom said we had a lot of good times with him and have many good memories. But they lose their meaning when I realize he was acting. His heart was not in it. He played me all along. It's so....hard to forget and so unfair what they did to us.

I'm feeling exactly the same way and I don't know why either. I know I can never go back nor do I want to but ya the last couple days I have been really missing him. I feel like such a failure for even saying it!!

bc a lot of us are feeling nostalgia. read your list. ive read mine like a million times today. fahhhhh. like scarlet o'hara said "i'll think about it tomorrow" thats my mantra!