NC support please

23 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 22 - 11PM

Black Pearl

NC support please

I have stayed NC for 10 weeks now. i still read all his messages until the beginning of this year so i have been 23 days without reading his messages..... and i finally worked up the courage to block him from my skype and email 5 days ago so i would no longer receive his regular emails.

So he is now blocked from my facebook, skype, and emails....... until just now i checked my emails to find that he has sent me two emails subjected "Skype... sorry you felt that was necessary" i have put him on my blocked senders list 5 days ago does this take time to set in? because he shouldn't have been able to send me any e-mails.

I am tempted to read his e mails but i know i shouldn't because it will just rip my heart out with his half truths,lies and head messing.

I know contact equals pain but it is still very hard to let go.... even if the contact is negative contact i feel like i still want to hear from him even if i take him off the un blocked list to receive his mails......... i am crazy thinking but i just need some support because my heart is racing and my head is spinning....... i know i still love him but i will never accept the things he has done to me. i just need some support please.

#2 Jan 24 - 5PM

onwithmylife

black pearl

as a real old timer on this board let me give you a hearty congratulations on all you are doing to go no contact. It is kinda like a job, you really have to work through it, not under it or over it but go through the HELL to get to the other side, as Hunter has said breakups from a narc are like nothing you have experienced before and we all have gone though normal breakups with men in our lives. they try to take our souls away from us and destroy us because of their inability to be complete human beings, they are like defective toddlers ,and will remain so forever, but we can go on and you will become whole again, have patience and with time on your side you will see the light...........

#3 Jan 23 - 4PM

newlifeway

well done

I really have to commend your efforts and hard work towards healing. The pain is so difficult and blocking all the ways is tough, so keep up the good fight! You just have to work on accepting he is disordered, not your fault, and nothing any of us do make it work, and they don't love us - even after 10 years and 3 children - he did not nor ever will be able to love , me or anyone else. Good job!

#4 Jan 23 - 9AM

Hunter

I give you a GOLD star.. You

I give you a GOLD star.. You are working hard and doing the work.. It takes time for the pain to go away.. An emotional wound is to different than a physical one.. Time and patience.. Hunter

#5 Jan 23 - 2PM (Reply to #20)

Black Pearl

Hunter

Thank you very much for the encouragement Hunter it really is allot of help. And you are right an emotional wound is different than a physical one i will keep working at it....... yes time is the one.

#6 Jan 23 - 4AM

midnight7

10 weeks NC is such an

10 weeks NC is such an achievement Black Pearl! Total NC (both ways - reading emails, even if not responding, is a form of contact) is the only way to recovery, a new life full of possibility again, and real freedom. I cut all contact, changed all details, blocked him from the new, and advised friends/relatives to always decline requests for information. I feel some peace already. I don't love him or miss him - once I really understood what he was I found it impossible to love him any longer, and no one loves the madness/chaos they bring. Of course, there is a bit of emptiness - they take up rather a large amount of our hard drives/time/energy! Delete emails/change your contact details if possible, keep busy and keep up the good work - 10 weeks NC really is wonderful. They are quite simple organisms and if you respond now he'll know that harassment works and never stop.

#7 Jan 23 - 2PM (Reply to #12)

Black Pearl

midnight7

Thank you for your support Midnight7 it helps me to know that it gets easier......which i am starting to see but sometimes the feeling comes back i have blocked him from all of the above but he finds a way back in...... i will just keep working at it, i will keep studying the disorder and build my knowledge and i really hope to get to the same point as you where i can fully see him for what he is and no longer love him........ i am someone who has a very forgiving nature..... and for this i always see the good in people so i am finding it hard not to see the good in him, don't get me wrong i definitely see the bad and that is what is keeping me away but its just something i have difficulty with and i really hope to get to your stage soon :) Yes that is true if i do respond now he will see that his harassment has worked thank you for the reminder.

#8 Jan 23 - 2PM (Reply to #13)

midnight7

Dear Black Pearl,I think we

Dear Black Pearl, I think we are all forgiving here and want to see the good in people that's one of the reasons we found ourselves in the relationship with a narcissist. I spent 10 years with him and almost every day was filled with fear, unease, and incredible loneliness. I wanted to detach from year 5, only discovered what I was dealing with in year 9, and took the whole of last year to finally end the relationship, leave, and not look back. It wasn't until I saw him as he really was however that escape was possible - whilst I thought the situation might change I stayed to the detriment of my well-being. The change when it came was instantaneous - love one minute - gone the next as he sat there pompous, arrogant, smug as ever blaming me for all again - he just seemed small/silly, and a bit of a loser. It is difficult Black Pearl - I'm not through the other side yet by any means but one foot in front of the other and we'll get there!

#9 Jan 24 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

Black Pearl

midnight7 you have come along way!

Wow midnight7 you have come a long way the one who deserves a Gold medal is you! Its hearing story's like yours that inspire me to get out and stay out..... that it can be done. you are a very strong woman and it takes allot of guts and strength to do what you have done to go through the pain and still be here today thank you for sharing and thank you for your support and encouragement it means so very much to me. Story's like yours inspire me! Take care and keep moving forward :)

#10 Jan 24 - 2PM (Reply to #15)

midnight7

Hi Black Pearl - Thank you

Hi Black Pearl - Thank you for the kind words. We are all works in progress! I'm still struggling - it consumed every waking moment for many years. Such a short life though, when clarity and focus finally come you find the courage, and confidence within to act. It's so wonderful now not to know what life will bring - before I knew what every day would be like for the rest of my life - it was suffocating. We are intelligent, independent women in control of our emotions, (re)actions, and lives - we just have to believe in ourselves. PM any time Black Pearl and good luck too for your personal journey. Take care, keep strong - midnight7

#11 Jan 24 - 3PM (Reply to #16)

Black Pearl

Thank you Midnight7

You truly do inspire me...... to know that there is a way out, yesterday i received a package in the post from my ex N i usually would have broke down into tears and opened it..... but i though of you and your story. i thought of the many people here on this site, and everyone that has encouraged me to keep NC the support here has helped me to stay strong and slowly break away from his control. so when i got the package i read who it was from saw the content written on the back- papers and pictures probably a 10 page letter as to how i am selfish all the things hes done but blaming on me. everyone was asking me if im going to open it and do i want them to sit with me while i open it, my answer was no im not going to open it..... i thought of you and your story..... one because your's sticks out to me..... as you have shared you were together for 10years and only came to realization in the 9th year and built up the courage on the 10th year to leave him and to me that shows incredible strength an amazing amount of strength.... because its hard... as i have grown up watching my own mum over the years leave the relationship and then come back i know for a fact it takes an incredible amount of courage, self worth, control..... to go through the pain, to want more for your self worth as a human being to be treated with true love and respect........ and its the people here on this site, And your story alone that inspires me! to know that these beautiful woman have been in these footsteps before me.... that they pass on there knowledge there support there experience to help someone in need someone who would have walked the same footsteps gone through the same pain..... and maybe not have been fortunate enough to make it out the other side......Thank you once again Midnight7 for helping me stay out of this unhealthy relationship.... to want better for myself. Because now i have your story on my mind and in my heart and i will always look up to it...... your story will always inspire me to move forward..... thank you for sharing and supporting. Wishing you well and all the support on your personal journey because you sure have helped mine :) Take care Black Pearl

#12 Jan 24 - 3PM (Reply to #17)

midnight7

Dear Black Pearl, I am really

Dear Black Pearl, I am really moved by what you have written - thank you. I am so sorry to read what you have experienced, you have been in hell too. But - you are so young! So much life ahead! You will come back strong, confident, and ready for anything. Keep safe - I shall be thinking of you - midnight7

#13 Jan 25 - 12AM (Reply to #18)

Black Pearl

Midnight7 Thank you for caring!

Thank you Midnight7 for caring and sharing your story with me as is has helped me more than you will ever know! Thank you so very much!.... your strength has given me the will to continue moving forward. Take care Midnight7 and continue living positively! =) Black Pearl

#14 Jan 23 - 1AM

peaches

Support

I want to encourage you to go completely 100% nc because that is what let me progress in my recovery from that creepy bastard. I came to understand that nc is for me. It sets me free from the effects he had on me, many of which I wasn't even aware of until I was 100% nc for quite some time. I thought I was nc because I didn't text or call him. I was still reading texts he sent and snooping his facebook, checking his friends facebook. I had his fb and email passwords and logged in several times a day. It was an obsession for me. I wasn't talking to him, but I was still being effected by him because of this behavior and I was then instigating my own abuse. I had to give up facebook and with help from people here went 100% nc, which included deleting texts, emails and voicemails before I opened them. I blocked him in every way possible. I still wanted to hear from him, I was shaking when I blocked him. My heart was racing. I was addicted to him and his effects on me. It was a painful withdrawl, but like getting clean from any other addiction so worth the pain and effort. You are going to feel better and better with 100% nc. You can do it! Best Wishes in your recovery.

#15 Jan 23 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

Black Pearl

Peaches

Thank you very much Peaches for your help and support i have definitely been building up to 100% NC and it took me a while to stop reading his mails...... i knew i needed to because i was just getting really depressed he was still messing with my head and emotions........ i have blocked him, but he's still slipping through. i will just continue to block and not read anything from him. I definitely went through that stage of checking his FB ect...... you are right it is like a drug.........and i need to get off...... i just wish he hadn't got so deep with in me, i just wish i were back to my old strong self..... but i guess that takes time. Thank you again for your help :)

#16 Jan 22 - 11PM

Black Pearl

Just now

Great i log into facebook and he has made a third account and added me because i blocked the other two. he has a profile pic with me in it and quotes from my favorite song.......... im trying to get stronger and he just brings it back i just burst into tears.......... why do we have to go through this. what do we have to feel so much pain.

#17 Jan 23 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

Emma

There is a setting on

There is a setting on Facebook where no one can find you if they search for you. Try that.

#18 Jan 23 - 9AM (Reply to #6)

needing2know

how can he add you unless you

how can he add you unless you accept the request? No one can just add you m you have to give permission the be added to FB, at least thats how it works for me. No one can just add , they have a request, if I don't know someone I don't add them.

#19 Jan 23 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

Black Pearl

Needing2know

I see i have used the wrong language i uses the word add instead of friend request sorry....Yes i would have to accept the friend request which i will not do. I am the exact same if i don't know someone i don't accept them. Its the fact that he made a third account and sent a friend request to get a message through to me via the friend request. trust me he will never be accepted on my facebook he only wants on to stalk my every move.

#20 Jan 22 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

Jelickuk

There is no easy answer to

There is no easy answer to any of this pearl. Maybe there isn't an answer. We just have to heal from the awful wounds and the healing takes time and the healing can only happen if we don't reopen the wound. Contact tears the wound open. A part of me still yearns for a crumb. Anything, a comment from family, children etc but it does get easier. The solution for me has been not to try and tackle it head on but instead to try and be gentle and take care if myself. Once I can believe and treat myself like something precious, then I no longer will want to be treated like dirt

#21 Jan 23 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

Black Pearl

Jelickuk

Thank you Jelickuk for your support you have helped me look at it from a different aspect it is like i am willing to take the crumbs...anything and none of that is any good for me as it has been sitting on the ground for years..... thank you i will take my time and as you said not try to tackle it head on step by step. Thank you Jelickuk take care :)

#22 Jan 23 - 2AM (Reply to #3)

Snowflake

Black Pearl

Can you stay off face book for a while or make your page inactive (its still there just doesnt show). I thought you had to make someone your friend so he cant see your page, check your privacy settings. I know how you feel I really do, its the addiction, part wants to hear doesnt it if honest?

#23 Jan 23 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

Black Pearl

Snowflake

Hey Snowflake, i already don't go on facebook that much just every now and then to keep in contact with mates overseas. My page is private its just my profile pics that are public so he cant see my pace in full. I thought about making my FB inactive but that is only going to encourage him to thinking i am playing a game, either way he can only see my profile pictures no information about me because my page is private. It is definitely like a drug......... a drug that i dont need in my life... but a part of me still wants.... and i have to make damn sure that part of me will never get....ever..... im done feeling like this. Thanks Snowflake :)

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