NC Success Stories??

Hi Crazy Train, 4 weeks of NC is great, keep it up. It gets better, trust me. Just stick to it. It's been 7 months of NC for me but I did respond to a few of his nasty emails so it's more like 4 months of total NC. It's hard at first but you will feel tons better. I will echo what everyone else has said here, educate yourself on this disorder, focus on yourself and be good to you. As for me, I do not regret NC at all. I broke up with the ex N almost 11 months ago but was trying to be just friends with him. I've been friends with other exes before but this one is different. None of my other exes were narcissistic. They are a different breed of animal all together. I have peace and joy in my life now. He still emails me once in a while and I don't respond. Just delete delete delete (thanks Hunter!). We're here for you! Hugs! Stay strong.

I couldn't take the emotional abuse anymore. It seemed to be escalating and I couldn't deny what was obvious. I took a leap of bind faith and made a vow to myself not to break NC. At 3 months out he texted me a stupid little text to see if I would bite. Nope. At 11 months, I am thinking clearly, functioning well and resuming my life on my terms. The way your mind processes this is fascinating. Once the "addiction" is gone, you really start to understand and face what you've been through. You feel like a survivor. You can breathe again and trust yourself. Your mind tricks you. It's not always on your side. NC is 100% on your side. It protects you when you can't trust yourself.

Thank you, for making this thread. Today, I was driving to a new town, and I felt very vulnerable. I wished someone was there to say to me "it`s gonna be okay". This thread gave me HOPE. Thank You Hunter and all the others who answered here, your replyies gave me strength..and HOPE, that I am doing the right thing for myself. And that even though times go rough, I have to hang on to my healthy side. This place is like the light that is guiding to the end of the tunnel. Keep up the good work!

yes it can be done, i am 23mnths nc with exnh, and exn..when i was first told 18mnths ,i thought i cant do it?, exn lives up the road to me, and we live in a small town...so i took it day by day, he hasent stopped trying in all that time, and now exnh is at it thru our kids, i said no to my kids i am not interseted in biegn friends with him, cos we have got kids together and so much history[EXNH,S WORDS NOT MINE],and the same goes for exn, i am not interested in *our history together*, b/c that is exactly what it is HISTORY, and i wouldnt want to repeat that HISTORY ,at any price, i am happier, content, settled ,for the first time in years...i have no plans to let,2 patholigical, lying, out of work lowlife scumbags in to my life again...lol. HISTORY IS HISTORY IS HISTORY... i stayed out, and educated my self here, without this board, i believe i would be DEAD...good luck and welcome to the WE CAN DO IT GANG..xx

I started making a list of all the good things in my life now that my ex is no longer in it - everything from the peace that comes with no drama, to the not waiting with baited breath for the phone to ring, to little things I can enjoy without worrying about what he'd think about them (or about me for enjoying them). I'm up to #25 and still going. This helps reinforce to me that while I may still miss him, my life is so much better without him.

Being in a relationship with a narc is a traumatic, abusive experience. It takes time away from the narc to come out from under their FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt). In order to heal and recover, NC is very important. Lisa explains it perfectly with "No Contact" is mostly about the victim forcing "distance" into the relationship to help the victim heal; to get the "space" needed to get over the hurt; get on with their lives.. She has a really great post about NC at: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/29/no-contact I will, personally attest that NC and this site has saved me. I've been in not just one, but two marriages with an N/P. My first husband was a P. When I left him after 5.5 years, I had no idea what went wrong with my relationship, and I blamed myself. Therefore, when I met my second xnh, I had done no healing and knew absolutely nothing about personality disorders. My opinion, is that this is one of the reasons I was so vulnerable when xnh came along (I was also very lonely). I was with my second disordered husband for a total of 16 years (married him for 8 of these years). In addition to being married to a man with NPD, xnh also had a daughter that was a complete psychopath, and a mother that also has NPD. Between them all, my life was Hell. Xnh was very controlling, verbally/emotionally abusive, and occasionally he went into rages and became physically abusive. He got more and more abusive with me the longer I stayed with him. Finally, xnh cheated on me with OW at a "love nest" his narc mommy provided for them at her house, and he came home for the final D&D. I did not know about his affair at the time he dumped me, but found out about it very soon after when he posted pictures of himself and OW all cuddled up on a blanket at a family picnic with his mommy sitting right next to them. Soon after xnh dumped me, I started looking up information on cheaters which to lead to my finding pages about NPD. When I first read the description, I felt like, "Whoa!!! This is describing my ENTIRE relationship with xnh". It was a true "light bulb" moment. That is when I started realizing that the problem was not with me. Xnh and my first P husband both had personality disorders. When I found this site, it was like a godsend. Yes, NC was very hard at first, and my emotions were like I was on an evil roller coaster ride for many months. However, as time progressed the emotions began slowing, and I have discovered that each day I am happier and happier without xnh and his abuse in my life. I am now out almost 17 months since xnh D&D'd, and I've been NC for 16 months now. Comparing my life now and my life with xnh, is like comparing night and day. I'm SO much happier. To me, the difference is absolutely amazing. Hang in there and maintain NC. You can do this, and your recovery/healing is SO worth the effort. Huge hugs.

I am over 2 and 1/2 years out, it has been a long haul but spent 15 years with the narc, I no longer feel anxious as i was all the time, wondering if he would call or dump me or whatever, what a pathetic ass .

13 months NC and 18 months since D&D. So I have about 5 months to go. I remeber thinking the same thing, there is no way I cam make it 18 months...but I'm doing it! And you can too. I am only this far b/c of NC and this site. Read everyting you can on this disorder....it really helps. NC IS THE ONLY WAY!! Keep going, you're doing great.

The rule of thumb is 18 months! You are new ,very new!! If he's giving you the silent treatment get strong enough for a Hoover attempt!! This is crazy shit. If you stand firm ( most don't) you win! Any contact going forward will be a set back!! Your best option ( it's hard) is to erase him from your life ! Change emails , numbers block him at every turn! I've been given the abusive silent treatment! My last conversation about a year ago, after three D&D conversation was " Go Fuck yourself ,I will never talk to you again" I meant what I said! I saw a shrink ,popped pills, suffered PTSD., A year later here I am.. I still think about him but I know he's broken beyond repair! I stay here to remind myself of that! I function ,have fun, and live a good life! So it's a long haul, stay NC ,and remember, never let him see you sweat! Hunter