NC reveleations for those in early stages

I shared my recent "experience" (refuse to call it a failure!) of NC yesterday. After reading and responding to some of the posts, I had some revelations about what NC (close to 10 months) has done for me:

--Once I came into contact with the N this time, his selfish and manipulative actions were GLARING at me like a big flashing sign. And let me tell you, he is VERY subtle with his actions. I credit reading on this site and NC with opening my eyes.

--I removed two "friends" from my life who were toxic and encouraged my affair last year rather than steer me on the right track. This time, my support was from friends who cared about ME and not the drama. What a BIG difference this makes! Surround yourself with people who will kick you in the ass when your thoughts become irrational.

--This time, when the N sent me his classic "you're dismissed until I contact you" text, something deep inside of me froze. In an instant, sitting in my car, in the pouring rain, I ended it. It was a knee jerk reaction with very little thinking involved. I think NC brought out this primal instinct of survival in me for protection.

--I want to PROMISE all of you they do not change. Sounds like a broken record, but they don't. My N sent a lame apology card and only signed his name. He had no idea why he was apologizing, just sending out some bait since I had him blocked everywhere else. In fact, it was obvious he blamed me for his actions. Typical.

You have to stay on the path of NC. The journey to getting better is not "perfect." You will still think about him sometimes and that's okay. TIME means everything. You are NOT going to snap your fingers after 3 months and say everything is great, you understand the disorder....not true. It takes TIME.

My journey continues today. I have to process and take what I learned from my contact with the N. Every day, week, month is a step in the right direction. Use this time to heal and build up your armor to clearly see TOXIC people for who they are.

My therapist who counseled me through the worst days of this ordeal retired this summer. True to her word, she is there for me if anything comes up with the N. After I shared my recent contact with the N, she said "You made the right decision. Grief passes but his abuse will not."

An amazing quote I keep in my mind is:
"There are 3 things I cannot change.....the past, the truth, and you."

Sending strength to everyone in their recovery.