NC mistakes

I thought this might be useful to others struggling.

Quick recap: I have been mostly NC for about 18 months now, but I still had a link with the Narc on another website. I thought if I blocked him it would be enough, but his hoovering has eventually caused me to decide to leave that site.

So...my mistakes:

1. Believing blocking him would be enough. In theory it should have been, but the other website lets little things through, enough to hoover me in every so often. If you can't totally block him online, you may have to consider leaving whatever site(s) he is on.

2. Being hoovered into believing he's changed. This was the big issue. The site would inform me of his postings even though he was blocked. From the context of where he was posting it was easy to suspect that he was offering advice to me or trying to be nice. Do not be tempted by this. Every time I found that if I peeked, sooner or later I would see evidence that he was just as bad as ever. Also, there was never any apology or hint of remorse, which just hurt more.

3. Sniping. Knowing he could see my postings, I would occasionally say something aimed in his direction in an attempt to shame him into leaving me alone or make him feel bad about what he had done and the creature that he is - this just does not work. They've long perfected their magical thinking and cannot do wrong in their own eyes. Any problems are yours.

4. Believing that others would understand. Few people do. I recently told a friend (from a totally different social group who didn't know the narc at all) what had happened and he had no understanding of how bad it had been. It was impossible to get it across. Few people understand unless they have experienced it themselves. In some cases, even if they HAVE experienced it themselves, they refuse to see it anyway.

5. Believing I could handle it. After 18 months of his hoovering every few weeks I am absolutely done. I want this over. I've tried taking the attitude that a little bit of annoyance from him won't do any harm, but the fact is that I'm 90% healed...but can't get any further because of his constant reminder of all the hurt he caused. It's like he keeps knocking off a scab.

6. Thinking I could find a balance. There is no balance. You can't have a relationship of any kind with these sub-human creatures, because they won't let you. They just want one thing all the time: Their ego to be fed. On yours, if necessary.