NC & Addiction

Hi everyone,
I am posting here in need of some support and feedback.

4 weeks ago, I went what I thought was NC. I blocked his number & his profile on FB. I figured he wouldn't contact me, because he discarded me and moved on. He did leave a vm from a restricted number 2 weeks ago and I had heard nothing since Mother's Day - when I go several text messages from a number I did not know telling me, "You must be bored and trying to ruin his life, and if I was going to send people stuff I should at least put my name on it." Then another saying I hope you feel special & proud, oh happy mother's day btw". I did respond because I had no idea what was going on. I did not get upset or really react in anyway. Someone sent a letter to the OW parents exposing him and he was blaming me.

I told him I was sorry someone was trying to ruin his life, but it wasn't me. That was I happy with how things ended, no. But I have let it go. I told him I hope he figures it out, but I am done playing his games.

For the rest of the day nothing, because I blocked the number those texts came from. I assumed he would move on to the next woman trying to figure out who it was and part of me wondered if it was even true...drama

Yesterday morning, I got a vm morning I got another text from another number..."I am sorry really I am. I was a horrible person"

Of course that sent my day in a tail spin. I checked with our IT guy and I can not change my number since its through work. So in an effort to make myself much NC as I can - I blocked every possible number I could think of even the fast food resturant where he works. The gals in the front office are going to send any calls to my vm and my friend is going to delete them for me. I don't know what more I can do at this point.

But last night I sat shaking...it was like my skin was on fire. I know he is not a normal guy he is a user, liar, cheater and I deserve better. But like others here-he made me feel special in the begining and I miss that guy even though it was an act. Today I am so on edge and I am unfocused.

So my question is is this reaction I'm having like withdrawls, I took the most extreem measures I could. I don't want him to contact me because all it does is hurt me, but at the same time it would feel like he was thinking about me at least and maybe I mattered a little if he tried to contact me. Is that twisted.

Sorry, I am just so exhausted mentally I can't keep my thoughts straight. Thank you for any feedback or thoughts.