NC

Just a question.....struggling a bit this morning.
Do they know that NC is such a struggle for us and that we have to work at this so hard or do they just think that we don't care anymore and have got on with our lives? I don't want him to know that everyday is is hard, I want him to think that I don't give him a thought.
I suppose we don't know what they think , and we shouldn't care but I just don't want him to sit that I am sat here every day in pain, resisting the temptation to call him.
Do you know what I mean or am I talking rubbish today ?
Xxx