My story is probably no different to everyone else's in many ways. We all share an feeling on these forums and, after reading others stories, mine sometimes seems rather mild. But, it cut me deeply and, after discovering the whole topic of narcassism only a few months ago, I am still learning and trying to understand what happened and where I go to from here.
My relationship last just under four years and we were engaged to be married. I was devalued and discarded. Discarded with such coldness that I just didn't know what had hit me. I was reeling for weeks and even now, some 13 months later, I am still struggling to understand and believe what happened.
My question relates to NC. I know my ex has a new man and that he has moved in with my ex. And, I guess everything is as it should be for her. We shared a few friends but I have tried to pull away because I just don't want to know what is going on with my ex and her new life. I appreciate that I should be stronger and put on a brave face but it just hurts and plays on my mind if anyone mentions her and what she is doing.
Today, I got a text from one of her girl friends asking how I was doing. I don't think she was fishing as this girl has made it clear many times that my ex has moved on. However, on several past occasions her girlfreind has mentioned that I need to look at myself to understand why my ex ended the relationship and moved on quickly. It always felt like she was being critical without her actually saying so. Maybe this was valid. Maybe I was to blame in many ways. Maybe I'm being paranoid. But, today I snapped a little. I told it like it was (my version anyway) and maybe said some stuff that sounded bitter and twisted. It's the first time I've done this with anyone. I have always taken the blame quite openly. But, today I didn't feel like taking the blame and apologising for my part in the relationship. The end result? I don't think the friend liked my response and she just stopped talking and complete silence since. So, now I feel good and bad. Good that I said my piece and have, hopefully, cut this friend out of my life to ensure NC is 100%. Bad, because strangely I don't like being unpleasant (or telling the truth maybe) and feel as though I have vented at the wrong person.
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. It's a he'll of a hard road to follow. Losing an ex suddenly. Being treated with the ice cold silence. Seeing her move on at one hundred miles an hour. And, then not being able to move on myself quickly enough to avoid a lot of heartache and confusion.
NC seems the only sure way. NC from the ex and anyone associated with her.
Thanks for reading, if you got this far. And thanks for all the useful comments and information on these pages.