On Narcs & Love....

There has been some discussion on NArc's and love and some think that N's do genuinely feel love. However, I disagree.

I think it matters how disordered they are and who knows how to gauge that acurately? But depending on how bad the NPD is I don't think they do feel love like the kind of love that we know and we feel.

I think they confuse this 'thing called love' as infatuation which makes them high. They get such intense surges of adrelnaline, dopamine all those good feeling brain chemicals they are so happy and excited by us and they can't seem to get enough of us. They become addicted to those intense and good feelings to make up for the apparent deep depression / despair they feel when alone.

They have heighented senses and and they get off and become addicted and starts a life pattern that produces these strong affects in person after person over and over. This I think is the reason they can so easily switch off and dissapear and jump into another relationship with such ease.

Had they been able to really feel true love, experienced what we felt, even the pain of loving, I really think it would stop them from repeating this NPD pattern over and over. But it doesn't stop them. Because its never REAL and LASTING.

This love lesson is learned by our 1st primary care giver - our mothers. So if N never felt love as a child and never felt it from Mother, N most likely will struggle with this connection unless N gets help. Also if N's Mother never had appropriate boundaries for the N Child - that child grows up respecting no one's boundaries and has none (they have no conscience.)

And, they don't seem to ever get help from what I have read. (but I am still reading..)

Another thing is the apparent abusive traits of the N that slowly emerge or happen over night. They Jekyll/Hyde character. The punisher. The verbal abuse sinks down to a level that we can't quite believe that they are really themselves when behaving so horribly, and we make accuses for them not believing this is the REAL them , as they worked so hard to make us believe and fall for the good guy. We have a hard time letting go fo that good guy image and act, and yet they turn on us so viciously, the treatment so horrible, or the beatings so brutal or the betrayal...this happens over and again. They are not accountable for their actions and it's always our fault, our doing. They never have a learning / changing experience it seems.

This is most certainly Not Love, but the disordered love of a Narc. Maybe as we become more in tune with what we define as love - we find it more clearly to descern when it is not.

Again this is just from my personal perspective and certainly doesn't account for anyone else.