The Narc's Crisis Is Not Yours

I found this posted on another forum, and thought I'd share it here. I think it might be a good reminder for anyone tempted to rescue the N in their life. It's by Paul Davis, a life coach. The link is at:

Your Crisis--Not My Concern

Your crisis is not my concern

What is for you burning urgent

Is not necessarily for me

All that intriguing or important

If you grossly mismanage

Misappropriate and mishandle

Incompetently administrate

Deal dishonestly and deviate

Vacillate and frivolously fluctuate

Sway and trip up pathetically

Decline and change dramatically

Welcoming perpetual instability

When it arrives should I cry?

When all hell is breaking loose

Should I drop all I am doing

Mismanage my own precious life

To babysit and attend to you?

If I do, how well will that serve

What I'm endeavoring to do

It's either focusing on me

Or rescuing and fixing you.

Knowing this what than shall I do?

I know well what you want me to

However should I in the process

Allow this distraction to make me

Falter, flail, fail, and come unglued?

The attraction of a fatal distraction

Is nothing more than showing mercy

Showing myself helpful as a friend

Undoubtedly we all do need them

I am certainly no different myself

Everybody needs somebody else

Yet there is an art to balancing

Requests, demands, and wishes

Pleas for help in a time of crisis

Must sometimes wait patiently

For the ideal, appropriate time

Before applying undo pressure

Disheartening one as the lesser

For not immediately dropping all

To lend a helping hand to you

Continually troubled in all you do

Forever sinking in quicksand too

Because of countless wrong decisions

Arrogance and unwillingness to listen

Hence your crisis is to me no surprise

Get yourself together and open your eyes

Listen to instruction and begin to realize

Your lack of character causes your crises

Like a mad dog which bites giving rabies

You have reaped what you've sown

In your character you have not grown

Now in despair you moan and groan

Burden your faithful friends again

When will this nonsense ever end?

Know from now on that I've got a life

A life which I shall marvelously live

Yes, at times I will be a friend and give

However I shall not be a dirty doormat

Nor your savior on whom you can lean

It is time you stand on your own feet

Order your life, affairs, and be complete

Stop heavily dumping on everybody else

Expecting the world to revolve around you

Cater to your ever beck and cowardly call

Get a grip, sort yourself out, and stand tall

For this nonsense will no longer be tolerated

Your crisis is your personal turning point

Therefore turnaround, change your ways

Listen to what circumstances are saying

To you the hard and dull of hearing today

Your turbulent times are talking to you

To get your attention, tell you what to do

Plan, prepare, and minimize your pain

Conquer your complications and gain

Inner strength, direction, and dominion

What does not matter is your opinion

Your actions speak far louder than words

Alter, reform, and revolutionize your lifestyle

Because no longer will your crisis me beguile

I shall be about my business from now on

As for you, it's time to grow up and get on.

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Shareebles's picture

StudentOfLife's picture

"The attraction of a fatal distraction".... ...pretty much sums up the whole N experience!
Susan32's picture

And if I want soap operas, I prefer "All My Children",thankyouverymuch. The ex-Psych prof was ALWAYS complaining about his colleagues&his students. It was always POOR ME. Even his engagement was a crisis-it was supposed to be TOP SECRET (where was Julian Assange when I needed him?) Telling him I wanted him to be happy with his girlfriend was somehow a *CRISIS* worthy of a tantrum. My volunteering and writing for the college paper- crises. He saw every day as a disaster. My reading of "War and Peace" was somehow a crisis. My former Narc boss was CONSTANTLY complaining about the management, how the kitchen was falling apart. He'd complain constantly about a coworker, saying that he'd fire him... didn't follow through. He'd blame everyone else if he didn't get grocery orders right. When he gave another coworker whiplash, landing her on disability... he blamed her. The morbidly obese former Narc coworker would complain, daily, about being unappreciated. He'd talk about how he was such a virtuous guy. Apparently he sobbed when he received Employee of the Month (and his kitchen coworkers walked out en masse) He complained about his wife, calling her a b*tch, called his ex-wife a b*tch, complained about his children, yet he gladly adopted his second wife's son. It's tiring.
BadaBing's picture

thanks for posting this it was like a mirror showing me ME I am so much of this post
mystwoman's picture

It really hit home for me, too. Throughout our relationship, I had a really hard time separating the total crisis that is xnh's life from the problems that were mine. I did a whole lot of "self sacrifice" for his benefit. I was WAY too enmeshed in HIS problems for my own good. Most of his problems are self-made and they are endless. Everything with xnh was a one-way street. None of the same support, friendship, and love was coming back in my direction from him. If I ever needed real support from xnh, I was on my own. I felt like that old Shelley Winter's quote that I read awhile ago, "We had a lot in common. I loved him, and he loved him, too." Well, not for for one second more. He can go love him all by himself...without me. :) Huge hugs to you today!

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.