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Narcs abound

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#1 Jun 26 - 6AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Narcs abound

The sad thing (but actually a good thing) about being involved with the ugliest of men, the narc, is once you are out there socially, you look at all men and look for the signs. Yesterday, while at the lake, I met two very nice men that were single and with our group. They aren't strangers to my friends, they are mutual friends so they come with recommendations. But, I couldn't help but look for the signs..........it is consuming. I am not interested in meeting any man right now for a relationship, made that clear to all that know me, but sat and listened to these men in casual conversation and couldn't help but look for "the signs". One of them seemed very interested in getting to know me better and it actually made me want to puke. I was of course polite and friendly, but non the less, was not interested at all.

Maybe in time I will feel differently. But for now, I say "it will be a cold day in he'll before I involve myself with a man again".

These bastards rob us of ourselves. I always liked myself. Liked who I was. Liked being loving, caring, compassionate...........I can only be those things with my daughter, my family, my friends.......anyone new, will not know the "real" me. I wonder if she is still here, or is she gone forever?

Jun 26 - 12PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Its a very long road back to

Its a very long road back to dating . I thought i could date way befor i should have done so i had a good few months off . I have been hanging out with a guy who is a good man i think but like you i have seen some signs in him that i dont like but proabably just normal things you get with men and not narc like :)and i have seen signs in him that are really attractive , i thoguht my narc was perfect untill he turned out to be a psycopath do that in itself is a red flag as noone is perfect . We have been out for drinks and we have had a hug and a little bit of a kiss but thats all and i have told him i am not going to sleep with him for a long time and although he keeps trying its in a cute way and not threaterning .. i guess thats the key really is the non threatening aspect to it all . All in all its nice to get some possitive attention from a man but i have been out of the narc relationshipo for 18 months and hopefully i have my eyes wide open ! . Big love Scoop x
Jun 26 - 9AM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

sparrow

Hi There I promise you the REAL you will always be there. this is not about the "real you". please dont worry... its just that the 'OLD YOU" is gone and is now replaced by the "WISE YOU" you are the real you, on a new path.. I always look for the gift in everything including the awful things some call it the "lesson" I like that too and for all of the gifts I have been given I have had my share of deep and utter sorrow,believe me The Narc experience in my opinion is one of the worst soul wounds that there is yet, it does shine a giant spotight and forces us to encounter ourselves in a way that we simply cannot ignore and if we are really "wise" we will take full advantage of that "Gift" look at you you are being wise, you are taking care of yourself you are aware you will know when it is time to get involved with someone again its just not now...embrace that..listen to your "gut" I believe we know the answers to the questions in our lives We just have to really learn to respect our inner GPS system We had signs with the Narc you remember...that first time he did "THAT THING" the thing that made you go...mmmm but choose to ignore you wont ever do that again look at you already you see a sign, and you are aware of it wanting to puke is a sign...LOL we can fool our minds all day even try to disengage from our heart but the body will not and cannot lie it will always have the last word trust that "gut feeling" BTW you mentioned "self confidence" in men being an important trait perhaps this is your opportunity to develop the thing that you found so attractive in him its up to you, you choose you also mentioned something about "cant they just be confident? do they have to be overly confident...(sorry, paraphrase) well that is none of our buissness.... that is thier buissness,that is out of our control Sparrow I believe that we are invited to control one thing ourselves we choose the people pleaces and things that we find joyful we learn to reject and immediatly &detach from people places and things that hurt us you are precious be blessed\ K
Jun 26 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

Really Beautiful....

girlsinger - that was just beautiful.... What I have noticed with my daughter is what you said - its just that the 'OLD YOU" is gone and is now replaced by the "WISE YOU" you are the real you, on a new path.. That is so true - thank you for sharing your positive outlook! Be blessed ~ W
Jun 26 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Girlslinger.........nicely

Girlslinger.........nicely said, thank you for reaching out. I have confidence for sure, that part I am not concerned with too much. I am concerned more with the cynical, bitter, sometimes angry side of me that sometimes appears. I am not accustomed to that too much. Every so often, it will appear and I think, who the hell is this girl? I am usually the person that finds reason in something and can find the positive but now, every once in a while, I HATE MEN, NARC'S ESPECIALLY. LOL........and I use to LOVE men. Loved people period. It's all good.......no worries. Thanks for replying to my post. Appreciate it very much!
Jun 26 - 8AM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Not worried

I'm not afraid of a new narc, just the old one, she has the tools to take me down. Nc with her, and the rest will take care of itself. I don't think I will ignore the signs again, but I am not gonna worry about the future, I'm gonna enjoy it. I do find a few traits in women annoying that I used to find attractive however, and I will keep watching and noticing as my tastes change. Live is starting to be fun, thank God. It is nice that you were out, and that like me you have a daughter to enjoy and love, a precious gift to cherish and be grateful for.
Jun 26 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

If you think about it we have

If you think about it we have done battle with a psycopath , a normal guy with normal issues will be small fry to us now ! xx
Jun 26 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Ha! Your right Scoop! I feel

Ha! Your right Scoop! I feel like one of the soldiers in those Twilight movies when you referenced battle.! Too funny! Thanks for you input!
Jun 26 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I agree with you, I find

I agree with you, I find traits annoying in men that I use to find attractive. Self confidence was very important to me. I find that trait to be over the top now. Can't they be confident without being overly confident? Another thing I hate is the attention......I use to enjoy attentive men, now I find it to be insincere and annoying. We do change don't we?
Jun 26 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Sex comes later

If I don't get the cart before the horse, I can take my time getting to know the other person, and also more importantly take plenty of time beween dates and watch myself to see how I am really feeling without the new one being in my presence all the time. I also seem to have a habit of being an open book, and sharing all of my feelings and thoughts...I think some restraint and patience on my part wold be in order. There is no sense of urgency and rush, and that is good. I am just finding the freedom refreshing, and don't need to get carried away on another relationship right now. I am making friends and exploring what it looks like to mingle with women and share without preconceived notions or plans. It is sunday, I am with family 400 miles from home for a day or two, and life is good. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, coffee in the mug and a pack of smokes to keep me satisfied. Maybe some good food and a bookstore later will make for a perfect day!
Jun 26 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Enjoy your day and your visit

Enjoy your day and your visit with family! I would say put down the smokes, but unfortunately that is a vice of mine as well!
Jun 26 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

puff puff-cough cough

Lol, walking on water not happening here yet.
Jun 26 - 8AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I am so very fortunate to

I am so very fortunate to have my daughter! She is the love of my life! She has grown to be such an exceptional young woman. Smart, successful,strong willed, independent........all the traits I possessed my entire life and hope to again real soon. I'm getting there, but I do feel different. Hard to explain.
Jun 26 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

I think with time and

I think with time and knowledge, we will all get back to who we are. We are wiser people from this and it is a lesson. Hopefully to make a better life for ourselves in the future. Also, my children have been educated at a young age about narcs. They have something I didnt, knowledge early in life of crazies. Hopefully that will make them make wiser choices. Hi my name is Redhead and I am a smoker too! lol
Jun 26 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Hi Redhead! I think there

Hi Redhead! I think there are a lot of smokers on this forum! I could be wrong but I have a feeling........