Narc supply

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#1 Oct 31 - 6PM

Alive

Narc supply

I also read this. (alot of reading going on here! :))
A common error is to think that "narcissistic supply" consists only of admiration, adulation and positive feedback. Actually, being feared, or even derided is also narcissistic supply. The main element is attention.

The word 'derided' means If you deride someone or somthing, you say that they are stupid or have no value. (im sure you all knew this) Narc always did this, not only to me but our D. What a sick, sick person.

#2 Nov 1 - 10AM

chickon2

It's like you are damned if

It's like you are damned if you do and damned if you don't with these jokers.. Can't even hate them.. Hey like it.. ugh

#3 Nov 1 - 10AM (Reply to #15)

Susan32

Well, you're not supposed to ridicule them...

At least it's that way with the ex-P. He also said he didn't want to be respected as a human being, he wanted to be either admired/loved or hated (this was after the D&D) Treating him as another human being was "bringing him down to my level." He claimed that when people mocked him, they were "defending" themselves from him.... that it was some sort of defense mechanism. Of course, he took offense. He hated being deemed a target of ridicule. Wow... should he be told how he was the subject of masturbation/gay jokes? It might bruise his fragile ego... but I can have the friendliness of an MMA fighter...* *MMA is Mixed Martial Arts.

#4 Oct 31 - 6PM

Susan32

What seems to NOT be NS...

The ex-Psych professor CONSTANTLY derided me, even in front of my friends (they came to hate him very quickly-they're good Christians, they tend to be forgiving) he'd mock me, comparing me to Kang&Kodos from the Simpsons' "Treehouse of Horror" episodes, those wide-eyed aliens who constantly drool and dig. In fact, he said that during class. The ex-P liked being admired, the objection of affection/adoration, or the object of hatred/anger/fear. What SEEMS NOT to be NS- 1)Humor. The ex-P HATED being mocked, despite the derision he cast on others. The few times I mocked him to his face, he'd glare and react in pain. 2)Talking about YOURSELF and pretending they don't exist. Weird, the few times I've broken NC, it's like the letters I've addressed to former teachers-except they're far more gloating, with some humor (at his expense) I mean, what normal human would WANT to be compared to an immature baby? Let alone what Narc? 3)Being happy. The ex-P avoided me like poison whenever I was happy. Guess it functions like a crucifix/holy water/blessed salt. It's not like Ns are invulnerable. It's simply a matter of finding their vulnerabilities and striking with great force. No surrender, no defeat.

#5 Nov 1 - 10AM (Reply to #10)

chickon2

susan32

You have it all together with thie NS stuff.. I am at a loss.. So thank you for teaching me about this stuff.. And no matter what I read here.. I still think your EXP is one for the books.. LOCO

#6 Nov 1 - 11AM (Reply to #11)

Susan32

He's one for the books indeed...

My Narc grandmother and my former Narc boss have a sense of humor (they can even mock themselves)...oh, and they like music. They also have consciences. I'm able to have normal conversations with them. They don't mind people being happy. The ex-P is COMPLETELY crazy compared to them. I'd feel safe with my grandmother;I'd even feel safe with my former boss. But with the ex-P? No way. Narcissism tends to be less dangerous than psychopathology. At first, I diagnosed the ex-P with autism or Tourette's. Scientific American Mind recently said that psychopaths CAN be cured to a certain extent with medications and behavioral therapy... but it's got to start when they're young, and it has to be intense. The science is still trying to catch up. Thank God the ex-P didn't get to the boyfriend/lover/husband/father stage. Somehow I managed to have SOME boundaries. You bet he's loco... that's why I moved far away and didn't tell anyone...

#7 Nov 4 - 7PM (Reply to #12)

hooklineandsinker

Funny you should say that.

Funny you should say that. I did wonder quite early on whether mine had asperger's or low-level autism.

#8 Nov 4 - 7PM (Reply to #13)

Susan32

Autism/Asperger's vs. Psychopathology

There are LOTS of similarities. The ex-P's favorite philosopher was Wittgenstein, who probably had Asperger's. Neurologically, the brains of a psychopath and the autistic, animal-loving and brilliant Temple Grandin are similar. But NOT the same. The autistic for the most part have consciences. They WANT to be part of society, but don't know how. Higher-functioning autistics and Asperger's can have careers, be successful. The brother of author Augusten Burroughs makes rock n' roll guitars, was with KISS, and has Asperger's. In one of Oliver Sacks' books, a psychopath responds to music, manages to memorize a piece and play it beautifully. The therapist wrote that during the music "Autism ceases." The brains of the autistic and the psychopathic tend to be MORE unified than normal people, thus the need to compartmentalize, ritualize, make patterns. An autistic and a psychopath have problems with language and facial expressions. An autistic and a psychopath have problems with eye contact, empathy. An autistic and a psychopath can have ritualistic behaviors. An autistic tends to have a conscience. A psychopath doesn't. An autistic usually WANTS to fit in with others, learn about the world outside himself. A psychopath doesn't. An autistic is more likely to be a victim. A psychopath is more likely to be an abuser. An autistic can enjoy life (look at Temple Grandin! read her books about animals) A psychopath cannot. What's weird is that about a year after the D&D, I was tutoring a severely autistic child. Reaching him was incredibly challenging. He had his rituals about dinosaurs. It was like dealing with a much younger, much less malicious version of the ex-P. The little boy wasn't out to hurt anyone. He just found the world outside him baffling. One of my mother's friends has a severely autistic adult son. He's unable to hold down a job, so it's very difficult for them. He's in his 30s at least. His parents are getting older... and who will support him then???

#9 Oct 31 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

Alive

Yes,

Yes, and yes.lol. Humor yourself happy Everything they have not got theirselves. (even though they think they do).

#10 Oct 31 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

Susan32

Being like the Zen sensei

Zen teachers are known to whack the backs of their students' heads to induce awareness. Such are the Narc injuries I have tried to inflict, like Artemis and Apollo who shoot from afar. Telling the ex-P I'm happy provokes NO response from him, and it also fits with the Geneva Conventions. There's nothing like going to the mailbox to get some mockery. Come rain or snow, the postal service is there....

#11 Oct 31 - 6PM

blueeyes

happynow

Sometimes reading the similarities makes me so mad!! What he has done to these kids! Grrr I hate reading how messed up they are because I will never understand.

#12 Oct 31 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

Alive

Hi Blueeyes

Yes it made me MAD aswell, actually it made me quite depressed. YOU will understand and ACCEPT this. It's like watching a horror movie, the anticipation, the anxiety, the fear and the true acceptance of the situation hits us like a nail on the head. You posted a website today where you kept a printed version in your purse, this really did help so thankyou. I must say it is painfull to read all the simiarities especially when they can treat children as they do as any other supply. I qoute ' If there are children involved, it becomes painfully apparent during this stage that they too are just objects to a Cluster B. It’s a devastating realisation, and it will send you into free-fall for a while, but you MUST accept it as the truth Don’t turn the anger in on yourself. It was NOT your fault. Your Cluster B had this problem before you met, and he/she will continue to have this problem long after you’re gone' :( sad but true. I was in that free fall for over four months! I am on the other side now. I have not written my story yet, but my other children (teenagers now) went through the exact same thing with their father. So really i should be a old hand at this..but im not, im learning everyday. 'They believe no one else is fit to raise them' This is another quote that i read today and it was so real and true that i was speechless. They also believe that NO ONE is better then themselves to be with you. One big long cycle dear blueeyes.

#13 Oct 31 - 7PM (Reply to #3)

blueeyes

hpynow, atg...

The NC feels good but I don't have total NC. I've had a bad day. My daughter is texting him a lot. I saw her phone she is his supply? Sick. Hpy now, your right usung kids a NS is a hurtful revalation. I'm just devastated. ATG- I feel like you, disgust and anger.

#14 Oct 31 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

kiwi10

blueeyes

i really dont want to 'go there', but i would be really creeped out if my pubecant daughter were texting my narc. like, really creeped out.

#15 Nov 1 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

blueeyes

Fierflie

I gotcha...He texts all the kids all the time. It's just she will buy into the whole "its mommys fault thing". The other kids will not. I know what you mean tho..

#16 Oct 31 - 7PM (Reply to #4)

Alive

No

i dont have total NC aswell. Can you not get him to take the kids out on a certain day and time each week? Try and think of what it will be like when he is not living with you and the kids. Give the kids and narc boy a specific day and time, to talk..:) Think of the future..

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