Narc-speak decoded

below is the last letter I received from him, after I broke NC and wrote to him saying how angry and hurt I was by his abusive behavior. (Apparently, two dignified but defiant letters describing my pain and sense of betrayal equals a "hate-fuelled" campaign.) In one of the letters I told him that I was going into therapy to deal with the grief of how he treated and discarded me. That is the "psychiatric help" to which he is referring.

I take it as a sign of my progress that I am able to decode his bullshit. My narc is really the master of subtle gaslighting and projections. He makes himself out to sound so civil and decent, even though his prior communication was screaming "fuck you" and calling me a bitch and a cunt.

Anyway, I just thought I'd have a bit of therapeutic fun and releasing decoding his particular brand of narc-speak. Doing so helps remind me of what a con artist and a coward he is and how he will never, ever listen to anything I have to say or take responsibility for his actions.

L---,

"I am glad that you are seeking psychiatric help. There can be no pleasure or satisfaction gained from your hate-fuelled campaign, so for your own sanity please just stop."

Translation: YOU are the crazy one, not me. Never forget how fucked up in the head and fundamentally worthless you are, or that you are totally to blame for everything bad that happens to you. And, just so you know, the letters you send me are being saved as proof of your insanity and harassment. I may even alter them to make you look psychotic, if I ever feel the need.

"I never spoke one word of a lie to you. Leave me be - I tried to end it several times as you are dangerously unstable and need help greater than I can offer. You didn't listen, haven't listened. You are in a better place, and so am I."

Trans: I never lied because if I believe it, it must be true. You are a obviously a ME-obsessed stalker who understandably can't get over ME (I am, after all, God). Remember, *I* dumped *you*. Repeatedly. That power will always be mine. I have won. Forever. You are 'dangerously unstable' for daring to call me out on my b.s., for having the audacity to stick up for yourself after all the abuse I hurled at you (you did, after all, deserve it). I really want you to believe that you are so fucked up that you are beyond help. Let me repeat: you are a hopeless case. You are hopeless because you didn't comply one hundred percent with all of my needs and demands. *You* are in a better place because I, in my Royal magnanimity, have had the grace and kindness to let you go. I am in a better place because I, of course, have won and you are miserable.

"You will not hear from me again - if you want to feel better, I mean genuinely better, from whatever hurt you believe I have wilfully caused you, then just move on to better things. If you believe even one of your dark thoughts about me then you will take the advice of
those around you and just leave me alone. Quite what you think I might have to gain from 'preying' on you, I have no idea. I didn't take any money from you.... I loved you and it literally broke my heart to realise we could not be. That was you, not me."

Trans: I know that nothing destroys you more than the threat of total abandonment -- that is why I threatened to abandon you and told you that I would never talk to you again so many times. You should move on because you've found me out and it scares me shitless that you've seen behind my mask. When I tell you to leave me alone, I want you to be assured that YOU will forever be portrayed in this relationship as the crazy stalker, not me. I WANT you to think I want you to go away, even though I will always be checking to see if you come groveling back. That would really tickle my ego. Plus, I have already moved on to a new victim. So i have no need for you whatsoever. I didn't take any money from you, nothing that was tangible, so that means that I can never be accused of abusing or preying on you in any way. I loved the fantasy of your being my perfect mirror and doormat and was genuinely disappointed to find out that you are your own person whom I can't utterly control. But just to reiterate: you lost the perfect man of your dreams and it was completely YOUR fault, as everything was and is YOUR fault. I'm only saying this in the hope that it will torture you.

"I honestly and truly hope that you find some peace. If I am sorry for anything, then it is that I told you to fuck off like that; you will never know the amount of stress and pain that I was under that night."

Trans: I honestly hope you find no peace -- especially not after the way I treated you, but I want to sound the like the Prince that I know I am and send you off with what sounds like a blessing for your happiness. In reality, you are a psychotic bitch who will be forever tormented by the loss of me, but I enjoy condescending to you by sounding so high-minded and decent. If I had to pretend to be sorry for something for the sake of appearances, it was that I wounded you in the cruelest way imaginable (which I did with selfish pleasure) but, once again, you totally deserved it and I was entitled to treat you exactly as I did.