Narc Jealousy

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#1 Mar 26 - 10PM

Anonymous (not verified)

Narc Jealousy

I've spent some time reading on this site about the agony of finding out your N is cheating. Hell not only cheating, but alley-catting Tiger Woods style in some cases. And seen threads recently on the pain of being triangulated with N and new supply and being the odd one out. But I have been wondering lately about the N jealousy he has towards men who pay attention to us. If he does not have feelings per se, why does he get jealous when he thinks we have some special romantic interest (or even just attraction) other than him? I know he feels envy and tries to take the goodness from others (including us) for himself and destroy us - but why be (or at least act) jealous if we are just objects and he has no feelings for us?

Is it like the two year old when he imagines someone wants to take his toy? Even one he's already discarded as it was no longer new and shiny? It's still HIS toy? Is this the line of thinking here?

Curious to hear if others N showed jealousy towards others in your lives, even when totally random and not warranted. I didn't mention ANY other men in my life after a while as he got so jealous (but would not admit it as that would seem like he cared). He got pissy and cutting to me (and insulting add belittling any man I would discuss) and I knew after time, not to bring anyone else up. If we had an attractive waiter, or at a party an attractive guest spoke with me, he would make sure to make fun of him (frequently calling then "gay" as if that was an insult)

Your thoughts, ladies? (and the gents too - don't mean to be exclusive here!)

Thanks!

#2 Mar 27 - 4AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

jealous...

mine was all about control and demeaning and diminishing me...he was insanely jealous of anything i had or loved..he was insanely jealous of my success, so he destroyed that..he was insanely jealous of my pets, he murdered my most beloved dog...but he was not jealous of other men...or if he was, he sure hid it well..if he thought someone had an interest in me, he would say...'gosh..he could do better than you'....he rat bastard withheld sex and part of his torture and torment routine... he withheld it just a little too long, and i took my show on the road, so to speak...and one night near the end, i just unloaded on him...and started naming names of those who had come to my road show....and he just sat there...never blinked an eye...just smirked and said...'they must have been desperate'... he is full of envy and greed..and hot vodka...and not much else..if someone had sex with me..no big deal...but if someone had for instance.given me a new luxury car....well, then he'd have gone bonkers for sure........

#3 Mar 27 - 4AM

ACgirl

Narc Jealousy is just plain jea"lousy"

Well, I'm fairly new to this, but yes, it seems their jealousy is like the word jealousy, jea"lousy", very lousy. Several months ago my N hadn't called me in about 10 days, but he knew that I was going to this special event. I told my friends that I was certain he would call me the next day just to see if I went to that event. And he did. And he kept texting me that week. BTW, I said texting. That was his entire effort. Just a stupid text. He didn't ask to see me, just made flirty comments to me that week just to possibly distract me in case I met someone new. When ever he would "sense" that maybe I was pulling away, he would try to contact me to keep me on some kind of hook. Of course, I see it all now. I didn't then. All this to say that this isn't the kind of jealousy we would like to have. This is the possession kind of jealousy that is meaningless. To them, it feels real in that it is a compulsion that suddenly wears off the moment they have us. To them, its like a game. They have a sick compulsion to be in control, ironically, because they are actually out of control. Whereas the "healthier" jealousy (if there is one) is more rooted in love and the fear of losing someone you love. The difference, the way I see it now, is where it is rooted. The N just wants his toy back, that's all it is. Pretty sad. Nothing to feel flattered about. I have learned that recently, the hard way. That is why it's NC for me. Hey, that rhymes. NC for me!

#4 Mar 26 - 11PM

enoughalready

yes

Same thing-different N. He was very jealous of all men talking to me and would not listen and interrupt if I talked about my ex's or men. I feel they know their ego or true self is so ugly, their thoughts of you and another man reminds him of their true self ( ugly, evil, nothing)? Or your toy analogy works too. Or perhaps because they are master deceivers, manipulators and liars-they have mastered words and actions to show his supply the human way of caring? It's all learned behavior from trial and error for their false self? It's still amazing how well he fooled me. No wonder he was tired all the time. It's take A LOT of energy to keep the mask on.

#5 Mar 27 - 6PM (Reply to #9)

MsVulcan500

No jealousy here

Mine never showed any jealousy at all. But he also never pushed me toward anyone else either. After all, why would anyone ever be interested in me???? And also, how could I possibly find anyone better than him??? He was a god!! Apparently he was really slumming with me! LOL One time we went to a concert and sat next to a gay couple, and after, I told him how much I liked those guys and how much fun I thought they were. Well, he said he didn't like them at all. The reason he didn't like them was because they called him a cradle robber. They said they thought I was about 40 (I was 44) and they thought he was about 60 (he was 52). Hahahaha! I still get a big belly laugh out of that one. And it makes me like those guys even more! Oh! And another time, the father of a friend of his asked me, "How did someone like N attract someone like you?" And I answered, "Persistence." Oh boy, did I get the stink eye for that one! LOL

#6 Mar 27 - 12AM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

wallaby

Narcs adhere to the 'Toddler's Rules of Possession' 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it's in my hand, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in anyway. 6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. 7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If it's broken (or I've used it up), it's yours. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#7 Mar 27 - 8AM (Reply to #8)

enoughalready

Good one, Barbara! Lol!

#8 Mar 27 - 12AM (Reply to #3)

wallaby (not verified)

LOL

ya. I get it. Sort of hard to imagine this line of thinking in someone who has 10 honorary doctorates. But clearly intellectual and emotional development occur on TWO VERY DIFFERENT tracks.

#9 Mar 27 - 8AM (Reply to #4)

enoughalready

wallaby

I never could understanf why most of his friends were 10 yrs younger. He was so emotionally inept.

#10 Mar 27 - 11AM (Reply to #5)

wallaby (not verified)

Enoughalready

Sounds like they are too mature for him too. Our N's should be visiting pre-schools to find their "pals".

#11 Mar 27 - 6PM (Reply to #6)

Amazed

The narc jealousy

I was at a business funtion with my exN, he left abruptly when some man said I had pretty hair. He was furious,,he said " I don't want anyone else talking to you like that except me" The man who said this to me (I didn't even hear him say it) was about 20 years older than me. My ex N left abruptly (we were suppose to leave together) and I drove to his place where he was very angry. It is like he was mad but it didn't make sense. Also, he would tell me "tell your other boyfriend you are with me" I had no other boyfriend,,,,as far as I knew I was in a committed relationship with this guy.

#12 Mar 27 - 6PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

narc jealousy - an act

this is part of a bonding/brainwashing move called PUTTING YOU ON THE DEFENSIVE http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-attack.html it's ridiculous and not a show of how much they "love" you but HOW MUCH they need to CONTROL you. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

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