Narc dichotomy

21 posts / 0 new

#1 May 21 - 10PM

mynewlife2011

Narc dichotomy

Oh yes, he has always been a fish swimmimg in two directions and I told him this countless times while married to my exNH. It didn't help any that his astrological sign is pisces (the two fish swimming in two directions.) Today I was able to experience his contradictory approach to life, and this is while we are NC mind you.

At 10am this morning I received an email from him saying he doesn't know why any guy would ever be interested in me, and that he feels sorry for the guy. I did not respond to it. I was then served court paperwork that he has a new attorney. Oh Goodie!

This evening he picked up our children for a 2 hour visit while I hid in my bedroom during the pick up. I met a friend out for an adult beverage and returned home just as he was pulling up with the kids. He had about a 5 second glance at me while I slipped through the front door. Within 30 minutes I received the following email:

Damn Girl,

You were looking so damn delicious tonight! Almost looked like you've lost 30 pounds, guess new old dude is working you out/pounding you good.

Seriously, keep the workouts with old dude going, looking real good.

Mind you, I am not dating anyone- this is something he created in his head. If I was dating someone it would be none of his business. I also find it interesting that he pays me a compliment (yes I have lost weight since I kicked him out) while putting me down...(must be an old dude she's dating.)

I am not going to analyze this too much because I already know..the guy is a whack job. But, I would like to hear from you. The contradictory things they do within hours of each other. The mixed messages were tough to deal with while married- my emotions never knew which way to go. I am thankful for all of you helping me see the light, because he no longer has a grip on my emotions.

So, here it is..Saturday night..I am going to spend it with you guys!

Hugs!

#2 May 26 - 5PM

onwithmylife

mynewlife

what a backhanded, half ass compliment to you and didn't you know he is always RIGHT, so you must be' dating some old dude' and pounding him',Always has to add the sex line in there, wimpy ,lecherous guy, UGH what a horror if you were dating a young dude! Its just like the wacko Narc i went with swore the ad on Craigslist he saw was mine,even sent me a copy and underlined in red all the lies, the whole thing was NOT mine, what a moron, there was no photo with it, but he swore it was mine!!! It shows you they never know who we are, just objects to play with.

#3 May 26 - 5PM

Susan32

The teacher/student relationship

After the final D&D, the ex-Psych prof bluntly said that he doesn't respect students as people. I told him that was HIS PROBLEM. For once, I was finally shoving the blame where it belonged--ON HIM (and he could've lightened my load by taking some of mine) He thought I wasn't entitled to an apology for my hurt feelings because he was the teacher and I was the student. I had violated him by telling him I loved him- I had made him feel so immensely discomfited- but I had "acted inappropriately" (he repeated this like an automaton to the end), so I was undeserving of an apology. The last words I heard form him were "YOU acted inappropriately." Towards the end, I'd tell him I was *SICK* of apologizing, and that he needed to take responsibility. I even taunted him with "How manly! Not taking responsibility for your actions!" He thought teachers were entitled to their students' respect... but that teachers owed their students NOTHING. Not even respect. He'd bawl&complain about how he wasn't respected (sheesh, I could still tell him how he was the subject of masturbation jokes)... and I'd be like, maybe if you didn't trash your students, if you HELPED them, RESPECTED them, they wouldn't hate your guts. And if you ever saw the letter I sent the ex-P back in '09... one would think of me "Wow, she has Donald Trump-sized sense of ENTITLEMENT." Students are more Narc-y these days. It's a mixed blessing. He might be happy more students are self-centered Narcs, more of his own kind. Or they're totally trashing him.

#4 May 25 - 10AM

Deidre40

There were no compliments. He

There were no compliments. He did two things...a) imply that you're a slut and b) fishing to see if you're getting ''pounded'' by someone He was being sarcastic when he said delicious. My Narc radar is up this morning, me thinks. lol I just think this was his intent. No compliments. No compliment and then insult. The whole thing was designed to insult.

#5 May 24 - 7PM

Amazed

It is called "Splitting"

They tend to hold two opposing views, or rather "express" two opposing views, and usually make this public. For example, the psychopath may date you, profess his love for you, then tells another coworker how horrible you are, then in the very next minute sweeps you off your feet, takes you to lunch, tells you how amazing and sexy you are and that he wants to build a life with you, then moves in with another woman, doesn't tell her about you, lies to you about where he is spending his time. It is really insane, they are evil.

#6 May 24 - 8PM (Reply to #17)

Arwen

Amazed...you have just

Amazed...you have just described my relationship with the narc to a "T". Especially the bit about not telling either woman about the other's existence but professing love and committment to one but living with the other.

#7 May 24 - 1PM

Susan32

The "I'm a feminist" Narc

Worst types. The ex-Psych prof was incredibly misogynistic, he'd eye men in my presence instead of women (I kinda envy the ladies whose Narcs ogled other women, because the playing field was in a sense even) He'd talk about how the men in "War and Peace" are handsome (Tolstoy describes them that way), and how the good women in "W&P" are plain (the good girls, Maria&Natasha, are described as plain, but the evil Helene is a beauty) One moment he'd be saying vile things about women, he had a sick fascination with pregnancy... then he'd be saying he was a feminist. One of his favorite Leo Tolstoy quotes is that women are generally stupid, but the Devil makes them smart. He'd tell me the Devil had made me intelligent. He pretended to be a feminist. He took on his girlfriend's last name when he married her, so it was a hyphenate. With her surname first. His girlfriend was VERY masculine. She was his "equal", in a sense because she looked like him, acted like him. She had a crew cut, like him. They dressed alike. When he accused me of being a lesbian&being a Narc... I think those were the qualities he was looking for in a mate. He was disappointed-visibly-when I said I wasn't a lesbian. One of my friends speculated that he wanted a lesbian because she wouldn't seek emotional&sexual fulfillment in him. My massively obese former Narc coworker called himself a feminist. He'd proudly proclaim how he believed in the equality of men&women. Yet he called his wife a b*tch, had no problems with ordering me around, and hitting on female nurses. The Narc coworker would talk about how he was a feminist-that's why he refused to go to a fundamentalist Christian church for premarital counseling-yet he did everything to dodge paying child support. He bawled like a baby when he got caught.

#8 May 24 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

mynewlife2011

susan32

your exN Psych Prof probably married a transgender or transexual, and you just don't know it. My ExNH has zero respect for women which is why he enjoys using, and getting off on the lie (the getting away with it is very high on his list of priorities and i believe gives him a euphoric rush.) Although he holds a high position in the govt (the highest actually), and that gives him a lot of power and control, and ego strokes- he works with primarily males (who I have come to realize are mostly male chauvinists and N's) he also displays much passive aggressive behavior in his career and has been called on the carpet for it several times. So, I don't think it is all about hating women either- He is more a sociopath who has "gotten away" with too much already and I am just wondering when he will be made accountable for his actions...I wonder when

#9 May 24 - 3PM (Reply to #15)

Susan32

She's having my baby

"Probably married a transgender or transsexual"- The woman who was his girlfriend, eventually his wife, was DEFINITELY female. She gave birth to his twins... then he married her. She struck me as a very butch woman... she had such a lesbian vibe people assumed she was a lesbian. Some people thought *I* was a lesbian because I hung out with the ex-Psych prof(!) When the ex-P taught a class on Shakespeare's Sonnets, it was a small class, most of it male druggies, and a young woman with a shaved head&a bizarre nose ring. MTFs don't have uteruses; they don't have fallopian tubes; they are INCAPABLE of pregnancy because science hasn't gone that far. When the ex-P accused me of being a man-hating lesbian and being a narcissist... I assumed he WANTED those qualities in me. THAT was his concept of an ideal mate. His girlfriend didn't seem remotely attracted to him;I don't think she minded that he went after other men&I doubt he minded that she'd go after other women. The ex-P was JEALOUS when I dated men... but if I dated women, it would've been a non-issue. It was that HE wished HE was dating handsome young men. And an openly gay prof, an ex-boyfriend of his, warned me against getting physically/romantically involved with the ex-P. Advice I actually followed. Some ladies here were warned by ex-girlfriends... I was warned by an ex-boyfriend, go figure. IMHO, I think the ex-P wouldn't have minded a threesome of his girlfriend&I. His girlfriend looked like the sort of woman who would be at the Russian River Women's Festival.* "He works primarily with males"-The ex-P preferred males. He'd tell me he felt more comfortable with men than with women. "I don't think it's all about hating women"-Hating humanity would be more like it. I think the ex-P might've victimized men WORSE because people tend to see men as Ns, rather than victims of Ns. The concept of "man as victim" is not something society easily handles. The ex-P would make crass jokes about pedophile priests, so I think it was a projection of him preying on males. He had his circle of younger male disciples. *The Russian River Women's Festival is a lesbian gathering in Guerneville every summer.

#10 May 22 - 7PM

Hunter

More Scrambled

More Scrambled Eggs! Hunter SICKO!

#11 May 22 - 7PM

Steph

What an ass! What he said to

What an ass! What he said to you is NOT a compliment. At all. He is speaking to you like you are an object and saying you have lost weight because someone is "pounding you". Sexually objectifying you. Narcs/abusers always relate everything to sex. if you lose weight - you must be having lots of sex with someone if you don't answer a text - you must have been having sex with someone. If you are 5 minutes late - you must have been having sex with someone If you buy a new dress or get a new hairdo - you must be having sex with someone. If you order eggs for breakfast instead of pancakes - you must be having sex with someone. There little minds can't really hold any other thought. Your ex sounds disgusting. yuck. Glad you are not with him and that you are ignoring him. Good for you! xoxo

#12 May 22 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

mynewlife2011

thank you for clarifying

it is crystal clear now, you have windex'd my windshield..and you are totally correct. God bless you and your infinite wisdom

#13 May 22 - 5PM

StillHurting

Even Lied About The Weather

When I met N, I told him I hated hot and humid summer weather, and he said he felt the same. We agreed for a few years, and then one year he started mentioning in his conversations on said hot days how nice the weather is and how much he is glad it is summer. When I brought up the fact that he told me he hated heat and humidity, he said he never said that to me, and I am thinking of someone else. Yeah, right!

#14 May 22 - 9AM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Mine contradicted himself all

Mine contradicted himself all the time, sometimes in the same sentence or conversation. He would often FINALLY admit to something I had been saying all along and then later retract it. Like, I guess you were right. Susie Q does appear to be interested in being more than just friends. She sent me a text telling me how handsome I am. Then later.... no, I don't think she's interested in me, she just thinks of me as a friend. It was maddening.

#15 May 22 - 6AM

sickandtiredofit

say what?

At the end I finally felt I could say what I was feeling to him... I no longer cared what he thought of me. I rehashed old conversations which he denied ever saying like:sex with youis like going through the motions. He said, "why would I say that?"Dunno - because you want to hurt me? Then he would tell me how awesome I was in bed. He claimed he couldn"t remember his former cruel self because he had a head injury and lost all of those bad memories. Said he was sorry for all of that and he would change. SO crazy.

#16 May 22 - 8AM (Reply to #7)

Arwen

Yeah I'll give him a head

Yeah I'll give him a head injury.

#17 May 21 - 10PM

Done sourcing

A new name for a narc

How about "assclown", a real Bozo. I love that name for my ex Narc, assclown. Like a clown, never real can take anything they do or say seriously, cause it always changes. Will wear anything, or behave any way necessary to get attention, just like a clown. It really fits well, adios assclown!

#18 May 21 - 10PM (Reply to #4)

Arwen

Done Sourcing I was JUST

Done Sourcing I was JUST writing on another thread about the term ass clown! It is just SO perfect isn't it?

#19 May 22 - 8AM (Reply to #5)

Done sourcing

Yes

Assclown is perfect

#20 May 21 - 10PM

Jannie In the Sun

Narc Dichotomy

Narc's are desperate for supply so they will say and do whatever gets them off. I made a list of his contradictions on my post The Violent Affection of Toxic N. He advertised himself on a dating website the day after he told me he needed to be alone. He contradicted himself in the same sentence several times. He was trying to be EVERYTHING - that way he could morph into the person the next 'supplier' would want as a partner. Narcs are great actors. It's all bullS#$t.

#21 May 21 - 10PM

Arwen

Wow what a story. Last year

Wow what a story. Last year my ex N was at a professional convention with me and was taking my clothes off five minutes after telling me what a whore I was for flirting with all of the other men at the convention (I hid in a corner the entire convention!). Yeah, this is the crazymaking that really, really never has a resolution. They devalue, they idealize, they devalue, they idealize, etc., etc.

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