Narc 50yrs +

39 posts / 0 new

#1 Aug 24 - 2PM

needing2know

Narc 50yrs +

Do guys in their 50's still find their NS easily? I am 44 he is 51, what are the chances he will return, he has never made the attempt to contact me after he dumped me, I always went to him, I am not doing it this time, I have been in NC for 30 days, he threw me out like yesterday's trash a month ago, said he was flushing 7 yrs of his life down the toilet because he had to. I will not contact him , I am done with this nightmare, I think I am gonna be one of the lucky ones and never hear from him again. Since he is in his 50's and has an addiction to pain killers and has knee problems I wonder if he will contact me, I know I put up with alot of crap, and I really don't think someone else will put up with everything I did. His ex wife hates his guts and she don't even talk to him , when she has something to say she does it through the kids which is sad for them.

#2 Aug 26 - 7PM

Sunafterrain

My ex

just got married after meeting some rich young thing off of a dating site. He'll be fifty at the end of this year. Yea, they can still get supply.

#3 Aug 26 - 11AM

LuckySpurs

60yr Narc

My 60 year old stepdad is a narc. He and my mother's marriage is a sham, as they rarely ever even say two words to each other on a daily basis, but you have to be in the family to know that, otherwise, they are the "perfect couple" to outsiders. My stepdad spends the majority of his days driving from convienence store to convienence store to talk to the ladies behind the counter. So I guess that's how he's getting his N supply these days. It's their drug of choice and they will ALWAYS find a way to get it no matter what they have to do.

#4 Aug 25 - 11PM

ifinallygotit

mine is 55

Not handsome, just cute boyish grin, but tall, charming (in a goofy superficial way) and is still kind of famous from his youth - women line up for him - also he is quiet and sweet until you want something and he goes silent and disappears...mine will always have women until he is very old - he is a stud who just sits back and let the ladies chase him (he is not aggressive or violent) and at first you think that sweet quiet nature means a kind soul...I adored him even though he was such a limited, weird ass.

#5 Aug 25 - 11PM (Reply to #36)

ifinallygotit

ps mine contacted me after a year

Even though he has plenty of supply. He was in town for a week so I guess he did it for sport. He visited his dog once and me once - he abandoned us both a year ago when he moved..

#6 Aug 25 - 3AM

Journey

Congrats on 30 days NC! Your

Congrats on 30 days NC! Your ex sounds like he will get worse with age, most of them do and whether that means he will try to contact or hoover depends solely on his supply and if he needs to try to get some from you. Narcs are sad creatures as they age... pathetic, lonely souls. I'd feel sorry for them if they weren't such cruel ass wipes for the majority of their adult lives. Best to keep moving forward and hope he DOESN'T try to contact you! xo

Journey on...

#7 Aug 24 - 5PM

Deidre40

soapergirl!

oh, that is sad, though, soapergirl. HEY...WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I've missed you here. {{hugs}} Seriously...I was just thinking of starting a call out thread with your name on it today. haha! I was like...where has she been? I hope you are living life to the fullest and happiest. :=)

#8 Aug 24 - 9PM (Reply to #32)

SoaperGirl

Why we can't get closure from a narc - My Take

Hi Dee, I had no idea I had been missed - Thank you! Not with all the newbies coming on line. I've been doing quite well actually. Seems like everyday although I am now retired I still have tons of stuff to do. Today was laundry day and I was out running errands. I've got a load of dishes calling my name and my carpets are begging for a good vacuuming. Oh yeah, my cable TV was on the fritz so I had to have a repairman come by to fix it. In terms of the narc..I was looking at his online photos today, and a strange thing began happening...his photos started getting out of focus, foggy looking. So much about him now seems like a distant memory, bad dream, faded memories, like none of it was important or mattered. My feelings were pretty neutral like I just didn't care. I have a hard time remembering not just the good stuff but the bad as well. It's like he's dead to me now. I'm glad because I have finally accepted the situation and let him go! I've done a lot of online reading about narcissism, especially in regard to getting closure from a narc. Lots of opinions on this ranging from he just doesn't care as there's nothing in it for him, to keeping us on board as his fallback supply should new supply become scarce. I have no idea myself. Your guess is as good as mine. I can tell you what my narc told me at one point about closure: "There's no point in discussing it." He seemed to have seen no need for it. He also suggested we could remain friends. I'm guessing he wanted to keep me as his fall back supply girl in case he ever decided to come back and quite possibly to frustrate in not having closure. I didn't press the issue has I think I know why. I noticed he began backing away from once I'd had my mastectomy - I could no longer be his idealized perfect lover, a trophy on his arm to make him look good! My body had been mutilated and was no longer whole. Funny thing, thanks to skilled reconstruction surgery, I now have two very beautiful breasts that would seem more befitting to a 25 year old woman than a 62 year old woman. Gone are my formerly saggy, baggy breasts as they have been replaced by two high round, firm ones just about any woman would be pleased to have. Life is good. My healing is complete now, physically, emotionally, mentally...well, I suppose I still have few self-esteem issues that need some work, but I'm getting there! I'm working on it. Thanks! Hugs, SoaperGirl

#9 Aug 24 - 9PM (Reply to #33)

Deidre40

soapergirl

{{{soapergirl}}} yes...you were missed. :=) I like your sentiments, when I've run across them on here. Congrats regarding your boob job...that's awesome! Equally awesome is reading that you are 100% over the ex!!! woohoo! I longed to read you write that, I remember when you and I wondered if we'd ever get past the nightmare of being with those men. I think that time is our friend, when we put NC to GOOD USE. If we use NC unwisely, by spying on them online...etc...I have learned. NC will fel like a horrible chore. But, when you let go and let God...you do become free again. I am so happy to read that you looked at old pics of your ex, and they illicited nothing. That's called indifference, I do believe. Blissful indifference. ALMOST, like it never happened. I thought today of something. That the past few months for me have been the most painful I've suffered in a long time in my life. But, also the most joyous, because I've healed from my childhood through having gone through this whole thing. Life's a wild ride, no? :=) We should text/talk by phone sometime...I'd like that. I'll pm you. Glad to see you're doing well. Sorry this thread went off on a tangent!!!

#10 Aug 24 - 5PM

onwithmylife

needing2know

My exnarc is now in his 60's, ED problems, which is why he is probably doing cybersex, no need to get it up to get off on the computer women, was always grumpy, angry at everything, everyone, not an ounce of joy in his life now that I am gone, am pretty sure he is a hermit and nobody really knows him in the small town he moved to, maybe sees some old geezers at the senior center, pathetic, when I brought such joy to his life, his loss............

#11 Aug 24 - 5PM

Avid

50 yr. old narc.

My exnbf just turned 50 on August 12, and I don't think he will have any trouble getting supply, he has supply now but he is tall and handsome works out daily, running, lifting weight etc. He looks like he is maybe 40. I did not find out until after we had been dating for a while that he had dentures upper and lower, and a receding hairline so he just keeps his head shaved. I guess he will always have women going crazy over him because he is a cop and he looks good, but you can't judge a book by the cover. I thought I read somewhere that by age 50 they cease to be a narc well from I am reading here they do not get better after age 50.

#12 Aug 25 - 2AM (Reply to #29)

Journey

They NEVER cease to be a narc

They NEVER cease to be a narc cause they have a birthday... age usually makes them worse, at least that is what I've heard and it seems to be true.

Journey on...

#13 Aug 24 - 7PM (Reply to #25)

needing2know

I heard the actually get

I heard the actually get worse with age.

#14 Aug 25 - 7AM (Reply to #26)

Susan32

They get worse!

My Narc grandmother has moved back here to California, and her behavior has gotten STRANGER. She's made odd phone calls to my sister, been crazy-making with my brother in-law (which has thrown him for a loop).... and even weirder with my mother. Apparently, my Narc grandmother has alienated A LOT of people back in Paso Robles, so she's dumping on my mother. Her behavior has gotten worse, because Alzheimer's has aggravated it. It's a combination of her own bad behavior with a deteriorating brain. Not good. So, there's living proof that NPD gets WORSE with age.

#15 Aug 25 - 8AM (Reply to #27)

SoaperGirl

Winning by Losing an old narc opens up your options!

I've heard age makes it worse unless conditions become unbearable and they are forced to change which is highly unlikely. I know that my ugly old narc couldn't face me telling him that he doesn't look like a dashing young man anymore. People who have seen his pictures have confirmed he's no beauty to put it mildly. At 66 years of age, how could he? The guy is pushing 70 now and looks it. But I have found there's lots of younger guys out there who aren't so hard on the eyes! I see the good things that losing an old narc does for you! Now I am free to explore a whole world of men out there and they can't all be narcs! I'm going to come out ahead a winner on this. Prior to hooking up with the narc, I was content to be a stay at home hermit, very insular and introverted. I didn't want to reach out to people. Now I do! I am gradually developing a social life to go along with my social networks. Everyday, I talk to and meet new people. After I do some gardening this morning, I have plans later on to go to the gym to work out swimming, walking track and lifting some weights. I have developed a rapport with the regulars who work out when I do. Life is good and I know that one day, there will be a wonderful man in it for me who I can love and who will love me back!

#16 Aug 25 - 6PM (Reply to #28)

Susan32

Becoming worse with age

My Narc grandmother in her 80s is exhibiting the same strange behaviors the ex-Psych prof did... in his late 30s. In other words, the ex-Psych prof was MUCH worse at a considerably younger age. He also aged fast. He once told me I was MAKING him old. I wasn't force feeding him doughnuts (like one of his favorite "Simpsons" episodes) or making him guzzle beer... I don't think. My Narc grandmother claims that men are constantly making sexual advances on her... which sounds like the smear campaign the ex-P launched on me during the final D&D. A combination of histrionics¶noia. I think the ex-P fattened himself up&let himself go ON PURPOSE. He had his own personal Madonna/whore complex. He thought a teacher/father figure couldn't be sexy&be a teacher AT THE SAME TIME. He knew that I had had crushes on teachers, but I KNEW they were unavailable, I knew their boundaries&they respected mine... and he took advantage of that. Once, my freshman year, he said,"I WANT to be fat." This was during class, and everybody was baffled. In 4 years, he did end up fat. Still is. NORMAL Narcs work out, make themselves look good for new supply (he didn't lose weight for his girlfriend, now wife);Somatic Narcs worship their bodies. He didn't. He'd compare himself to the gluttonous Pierre in "War and Peace",who still hits the bottle big time despite the fact his doctors tell him otherwise. When the ex-P said "You don't want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life"-he was being prophetic, and for once, compassionate. If I had married him a decade ago, would I EVEN BE HERE? WOULD I BE SANE AND/OR ALIVE? In re:being social- It was weird. As the ex-P became more of a hermit, he stopped going to concerts/lectures, I still went to Bible studies, Lenten soup suppers, Sunday Mass. One of my friends (whom he wanted to alienate me from) learned, after the final D&D, that he had wanted me to give up on Bible study&Mass. I told her that if he had had his way, she wouldn't have seen me there. A conversation- My friend: He was very controlling. He was leading you into idolatry. Me: Did you see me at Sunday Mass? My friend: Yes. Me: He WANTED me to give that up. -Stunned silence-

#17 Aug 24 - 4PM

jen79

I fear mine has found this site too lool!

Last conversation we had, he mentioned, yes I know you write about it all in forum. I dont care anymore, but sort of funny!

#18 Aug 25 - 7PM (Reply to #20)

Caligirl

how do they find out?

I don't get it. It would be like finding a needle in a haystack. First, how do they find the site? Two, how could they figure out who you were, course if you used your real name, but still, how do they know?

#19 Aug 25 - 7PM (Reply to #21)

SoaperGirl

I would guess they found this site much like we did!

As far as recognizing us, well, perhaps they recognize the circumstances/our stories clue them in. Probably has nothing to do with any security breeches. Just a thought.

#20 Aug 25 - 7PM (Reply to #22)

needing2know

why would a narcissist read

why would a narcissist read up on themselves? lol Maybe to learn something?

#21 Aug 26 - 5PM (Reply to #23)

Caligirl

yes, how wud they know about NPD, by googling

abuse maybe, but why would they start googling it unless maybe THEY felt abused? I just don't see why they'd spend time searching after we're gone, and they see themselves as perfect and that we are the ones to blame. I don't see them googling "abuse" and then "narcissism" as much as I see them googling "crazy b!tch." Hahaha!

#22 Aug 25 - 9AM (Reply to #19)

SoaperGirl

Think your narc found you on this site? Another POV

Yes, I see where you might feel somewhat alarmed, concerned and worried that your privacy has been compromised if it seems the narc has found you here. To perhaps help you feel better, here is my POV. I hope this helps! It need not be the problem you think it is. You have the most amazing opportunity now to turn the tables on your narc and assert your own personality, identity and control over your situation. YOU ARE NOW IN CONTROL IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT! What the narc thinks about it doesn't matter. Now me, I'd just laugh at him, because that means he's lost his control, and what he thinks doesn't matter. IT'S ALL ABUT YOU NOW! You are now the winner and he is the loser. You've started to take control of your life, make your own decisions, assert yourself. You are in the process of recovering from your narc, growing stronger and healthier everyday - now the narc can know he no longer controls you. THIS MEANS YOU ARE THE WINNER - NOT HIM!

#23 Aug 24 - 4PM (Reply to #18)

needing2know

Poor thing lol

Well what does he care oh that's right people might figure out who he really is Don't you hate it when that happens lol And beside what the heck made hi check out this site anyway . What an idiot, is he hoping to maybe learn something about himself? oh that's right they know all about themselves don't they lol

#24 Aug 24 - 3PM

Goldie

Most likely he will and congrats on 30 DAYS NC, Good job!!!

I had an old narc several years ago. His wife also thought he was dog shit and actually told me to get out, that he had no clue how to love a woman. He would come over a few times a week and after I ended it, he still hoovered me every few months for several years. I think some of the old ones lose their steam and the hoovering is less often than the young bucks who still are full of energy to maintain more supply at once. He stopped bothering me once I had the young narc which I suppose was a blow to his fragile ego and he most likely felt that he was no competion for my new young supply, lol. Last time I ran into him he ran away like a scared puppy dog. I would imagine he feared I would say something negative to him because that is all I had to say when he would hoover for those several years. I pretty much told him to piss off and he still kept it up. They are even more pathetic losers as they age. There is nothing more disgusting than an old narc out on the prowl looking for new supply. Kind of reminds me of an old Ringo Starr song: it don't come easy. Oh well, not our headache anymore. God bless, Goldie

#25 Aug 24 - 4PM (Reply to #15)

Deidre40

Hugh Hefner comes to mind, as

Hugh Hefner comes to mind, as one helluva old narc who is still prowling around looking for new supply. Guess, some men never give up!

#26 Aug 24 - 5PM (Reply to #16)

SoaperGirl

Good point Dee! I never really thought of him as a narc

I never really thought of him as a narc, but you are absolutely right - he is a narc! They say he can only watch and play with himself anymore. So sad huh? lol.

#27 Aug 24 - 4PM (Reply to #14)

needing2know

And...

he use to always make the remark to me "you will trade me in for a younger guy" lol He has never made an attempt in the past after dumping me to contact me I always did that, we were usually back together after 3 weeks, But this is the longest I have ever gone without saying a word to him or apologizing!I'm not saying sorry for something I didn't do! NO MORE!

#28 Aug 24 - 4PM (Reply to #11)

needing2know

Most likely?

How long did your ex stay away before he contacted you?, My ex is 51 and he moves like he is in his 60's, falling apart fast. And thank you for the support on the 30days NC, There are times I just want to go off on him and tell him what a worthless piece of S..t he is. I know I would feel better , but it would just feed his ego. So I will sit here quietly and let things get the better of him.An it is disgusting that they are older and think they are all that. He put on allot of weight while he was with me, he got really comfy!he really let imself go,he wasn't fat but he did get those man boobs lol

#29 Aug 24 - 6PM (Reply to #13)

Susan32

Letting himself go...

The ex-Psych prof will be turning 50 in 2013 (the Mayan apocalypse next year notwithstanding) When I first met him, I was 18 and he was 32... my final D&D was when I was 22 and he was 36, and his 31 year old girlfriend had moved in with him (now his wife of a decade) "He put on a lot of weight while he was with me"-Same here! Over 4 short years, the ex-P went from model thin, he had a natural tan, to having paunch. My friends even noticed because in my freshman&sophomore years, he was the health nut, played tennis, actually took care of himself. NORMAL Narcs groom themselves&shape up for new supply. Not the ex-P. By the time his girlfriend moved in, he had packed on the pounds. He had love handles. His teeth were ALWAYS in a bad state of decay&merely got worse. He got a beer belly. And there was his junk food addiction. One of the posters here saw a pic of the ex-P, and said he looked like a fat grandpa. He looked old for a man in his 30s. He had crows' feet. Now he looks old for a man pushing 50. Let's put it this way... Colin Firth is only 3 years older than the ex-P, and Colin Firth is HOT and he IS nifty for 50!

#30 Aug 24 - 5PM (Reply to #12)

venuslovedpluto

Man boobs

Rofl!!!!!!!!

#31 Aug 24 - 3PM

Hunter

My shrink said " he's a

My shrink said " he's a narcissist they never go away always be prepared for him to come back" Mine has been silent for 1 yr! He called once in that time because he found this site, kind of my fault! And in a way I got in the last word! That's another story! I haven't heard a peep.. But we never know! Hunter

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