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My version of D & D, please use it too! :)

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#1 May 27 - 9AM
Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture

My version of D & D, please use it too! :)

Deflect and Don't Validate

This morning I deflected "good luck in your sporting event this weekend, I know how much it means to you" from my exhn in an email exchange that was about our kids.

I SMH when he slips in one of these lines like he actually cares, and even if he did, which I know better to believe, its just way to late. He didn't care then, why would he care now. Like somehow he needed to be apart of my support of GREAT FRIENDS that have left me FB messages of wishes for success this weekend. On the out come, it meant nothing to me.

I did not respond to this comment, rather I made a statement about our son and hit send. When we validate its like a small image of Bart Simpson dancing and singing "I am so great, I am so great!"
Don't Validate, it gets them all puffed up.

Its going to be a great day and weekend!

May 27 - 9AM
mynewlife2011
mynewlife2011's picture

Good on you..I am in the same

Good on you..I am in the same position- ExNH with kids..It makes the NC thing impossible, but this is a good method and NO they deserve no attention in any way shape or form. Also, good for you that you are still particiapting in your sporting events and that you didn't completely lose yourslef to ExNH, as I did. It is a royal struggle to get me back...I know she is here underneath all this anger and hurt somewhere.. Good luck this weekend, and thank you for the inspiration Love xxoo
May 27 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture

Granted, NC is hard to do.

I ended up telling him I had no capacity to be friends or anything with him, and that was just over a month ago. We will be separated 1 year, next week! I don't feel like I can have total NC with him, but I scale it down to as minimal as possible. If its just kids or support I consider it NC but when emotions or setbacks come through, I blame myself for breaking NC.

Playedwithfire

May 27 - 9AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Hi, Played, my sweet!

It is so good to hear you so happy and strong!!!! I am happy for you and so glad you didn't acknowledge. He does not deserve any of that from you! This isn't very nice, but it tickles me! I wish you great things this weekend for your event and for the entire holiday weekend! Again, it's great to see this strong post from you. Love and hugs from (not) spinning (I refuse to! The sick MF'er tried, but he DIDN'T TAKE ME DOWN!!!)

spinning

May 27 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture

Thanks Spinning!

I felt like I should have responded to the personal note, but then thought, "hmm now how's THAT going to make you feel after, cause you know it's engaging and I dont want to engage, feed or be supply". I hope you have been doing ok! :)

Playedwithfire

May 27 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

So happy for your growth. My

So happy for your growth. My last split and D&D will be Monday. It is amazing how much a year can change things. For all the new members, you will get there. I know a year seems like a long time. But when you look back and see your growth it is a drop in the bucket. MyNewLife, you will find yourself and you will like her. You have to be a special person to put up with a monster like you had. XOXO