My thinking is cloudy again.

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 17 - 4PM

JordansMom

My thinking is cloudy again.

I'm so angry and hurt at being tossed away so cruely and abruptly. That's the worst part. I've been through the entire circle now; the honeymoon phase, the middle, D&D and now complete ignoring and indifference. He will not acknowledge me in the same room and is disgusted to even say my name. His wrath towards me is unbelievable. I can't even pinpoint one mistake I have made to warrant this kind of hatred towards me. Do normal x's treat their child's mother with this must disdain after a divorce?

What am I missing? My xN who I was with 10 years (son's father, violent, cheater(30women), liar)is hounding me relentlessly to sell the house we lived in together. I can't afford it aways. He married someone 6 months after we split. Anyhow just found out from our son he wants to buy a huge house in the same neighborhood, just down the street, with new wife that's why they are hounding me. So my question is: If he is truly a N, why would he buy this new one a car, a new house, and start a new family. Why would he be trying to take permanent steps if he will not stay with her? If it's an just an illusion, why is he putting her as co- on everything? It doesn't make any sense to me.

#2 Jan 18 - 11AM

quietude (not verified)

jordansmom

"Why would he be trying to take permanent steps if he will not stay with her?" Girl, my ex was taking a lot of permanent steps to be with me, spent shi*loads of money to go through the immigration process. It's a HUGE pain in the butt for anyone who is not familiar. I was D&D'd before the wedding, and I thank the DEAR LORD that he didn't get co-ownership of the house. The point is, they DO go to extremes and 'appear' to be serious about the relationship, but can stop it all with a snap of a finger. Why? Because they're just that disturbed. It doesn't make sense to you?? GOOD, it doesn't make sense to anyone with a normal brain. If you're to survive financially and not be taken to the cleaners, you'll have to step up your therapy, and/or prioritize what you need to DO, rather than letting the sadness overtake you. You have a RIGHT to feel sad, angry, betrayed, but try to focus on NOT letting him get the upper hand here, legally. I hope you have a good attorney who is going to fight this ridiculous notion he has that you owe him rent, etc. You have SO MUCH dirt on him, I don't see how he can possibly step away with much at all if anything if the judge in your case has a human bone in his body. Don't let him intimidate you, and the best way to do that is put on your armor and take firm action. (*If he plans on moving down the street, that's enough reason to 'sell your half' in my opinion. That's just way to close for comfort and healing. But that's your call.)

#3 Jan 18 - 10AM

Carolyn

He is hounding you for

He is hounding you for money. What he is doing with her is getting him deeply into a legal mess if she wants to stop being a signatory on his property and assetts. Maybe it is her money and he wants the money from you and the sale of the house to put up his part? It lasted with you for a long time because you had the endurance and patience to wait it out. You don't know how long it will last with the present one. They go through women like a hot knife through butter. You mentioned 30 affairs plus a wife. that is a lot of relationship betrayal and abuse for all 31 women. If you can get a good price for the house it might be better to cut all ties. You don't say if he is still a legal owner. If you get a lawyer and battle the money goes to the legal fees. this is a tough situation. Do you or any friends have a lawyer friend who just might give you some legal advice. If his name is on the title he has a right to sell his part of it and then you would own the house with a stranger. You have a child, he is trying to scare and intimidate you of course your thinking would be cloudy.

#4 Jan 18 - 11AM (Reply to #13)

JordansMom

Regarding the house

The mortgage was based off his salary and it's way to much for me to handle. Even refinancing it would not bring it down enough to afford. The house needs significant repairs; was supposed to be a fixer-up. BAD IDEA! So either I find 15k to fix it up or try and sell as is for what I can, since it's a buyer's market, who knows what will be demanded from potential buyers. No win situation here. I had no idea he could sell his half. I do know since he walked out last year (08), he is suing me for all that money he could have been making if a renter was living here; about 12k. Now how shitty is that. I told him how badly it would affect us, his son and I, if I was forced to repay all of that and he says, "that's not my problem, is it!" "You mentioned 30 affairs plus a wife. that is a lot of relationship betrayal and abuse for all 31 women." He had been married twice before being with me, cheated on me with at least 30, and is now married to a new person after knowing her for 6 months. Wow, just writing that brings me to reality and makes me cringe for new wife #3, YIKES! OMG, the writing is on the wall for this new one. People don't change and certainly not ones with personality disorders. He can't just stop doing that because he signed a piece of paper, what was I thinking getting all depressed?

#5 Jan 19 - 8AM (Reply to #14)

AnotherPath

did the same with my house,

did the same with my house, I put the deposit down and we had a big mortgage due to his salary. He had to leave 14 months later and wanted half the house (we have 2 small children). Couldn't sue me for rent as he was the one that left, well he got arrested. House not worth much due to market, mortgage too high for me. But there was no way I was going to get beaten and battered by him then pay him half my deposit. Fought him like a possessed bitch....... you know what he signed on christmas eve? The separation agreement that says I pay him Â£5k and let him off Â£16k child maintenance. He has lost his job and has no money, no house, a criminal record and new gf and child. Let him rot. Try not to concern yourself with what he wants, go for what you want. Of course he's going to say "not my problem" he doesn't care he's bullying you into selling quickly so he can get his bucks. Fight it now or you'll regret it. I wouldn't have thought he could sue you for rent as he was the one that walked out, just more bullying. He could make you sell but if there's not much equity then there's no point also your child needs a roof over his head and your exN cannot just ignore this. Were you married? This makes SO much difference, unfortunately it sound like you weren't but neither was I. Don't see it as him calling the shots go for what you want not what he thinks he can get. Can you get a lodger and stay in the house?

Ending the dance

#6 Jan 18 - 9AM

angie

don't do it!

My exN friend told me that the only way he would marry his new gf was if she would buy a house and put him as co-owner. Her having his baby isn't enough to commit, but the opportunity to possibly get a home out of what he knows is a doomed relationship is. he does not care about her at all, and he does not see it as permanent steps, he sees it as a way to get something, because that is all they think about. twisted.

#7 Jan 17 - 4PM

AnotherPath

because in some way it

because in some way it serves him to do so. This may be financially, she may have more money to put down so when he leaves her he can get half, same with the car. He's sorted out in his head already how he's gong to fleece her. He's not in it for the long term, that sort of thinking doesn't exist, he's thinking in terms of how it will serve him. Fight for the house!!! They are parasites....

Ending the dance

#8 Jan 17 - 4PM (Reply to #2)

JordansMom

you really think he's

you really think he's already thought about how he is going to leave her? That's insane!

#9 Jan 17 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

agnesmurphy17

They do not think

Part of the problem of a pathological is that they do not think of the future consequences of today's manipulations for the gratification of their needs. It's all NOW & all about him. Mine married me to help him raise capital to buy a house. Within six months of the marriage he was demanding a divorce & he was telling me . . . "I get the house." Even told me that I would live in an apartment until his Green Card come though (related to work, not me). My money would be safe in the house as an investment until he could go to a US bank and get the capital to buy me out. It's planned that the woman can stay as long as she is useful & fulfills his needs. Once she starts being non-compliant . . . he starts D&D. Anything makes the woman non-compliant. Either she stays on as a doormat . . . or ultimately he leaves her after he's squeezed the life out of. If she leaves him . . . threatens his almighty control & possession of his woman-object . . . he HATES her. Mine asked for a divorce at least 24 times, if not more, in our 2 1/2 year marriage. When I finally agreed & walked out. Oh man! He hates me this dude I married. And, believe me, I waited on him hand & foot. Pandered to his every whim to avoid blow ups. It was never enough. DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE! DO NOT LET HIM INTIMIDATE YOU! That's what he's doing with that whole "evil eye" routine they have. It's intimidation. They always get their way by intimidation & threats of violence. He wants the money from the sale of the house. Doesn't give a rat's a** about you, his son, or your 10 years together. Whatever he's doing out there with other woman. Trust me. It's all about him & his image. Making him look good to get whatever it is that he wants. Does not necessarily have to make sense to you. DOn't waste your time trying to understand him. That's the job of new woman. You're free & in the house. Yippee!

#10 Jan 17 - 6PM (Reply to #10)

baddream

Agnesmurphy

You have described it perfectly. As long as we were useful and compliant we were playing our roles. Once we confront them we are no longer idealizing them. The cat is out of the bag. That stage of the relationship is gone and over forever. We must be devalued and discarded.

#11 Jan 17 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

Amazed

Great advice Agnesmurphy

Good point about the intimidation tactic. Geeeezz, they pull that one all the time! My exN couldn't even open a door without 'fluffing himself out' They do this to seem bigger than everyone,,in their minds they are,,so sad. They destroy people to try and prove themselves right.

#12 Jan 17 - 4PM (Reply to #3)

JordansMom

I don't mean you're insane,

I don't mean you're insane, I just mean if that is what he's thinking, that's just pure insanity!

#13 Jan 17 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

That's insane!

Exactly. NON-HUMAN DELUSIONAL INCURABLY DISORDERED got it????? getting it???? see it now???? do not try to make sense out of a morally insane 'thing'!

#14 Jan 17 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

AnotherPath

All he will be thinking

All he will be thinking about is how it will better him. He's incapable of having a relationship that works, so he's only thinking about what he can gain from it and probably how it will hurt you. He's using everyone. He wants his situation to upset you so it looks like he's moved on to a whole new great life.......sicko....Right now he needs someone to think he's great and can have that great life with him, it makes his empty life feel good for a short time. It's all going to go wrong and his new gf will pay in all sorts of ways just like all us women who write on this site. Make sure you fight for as much of the house as you can. In the uk we have the children's act, so your son needs to have a roof over his head until he's 18 or left further education. Get as much money as you can from the relationship, why should he and his new gf benefit.

Ending the dance

#15 Jan 17 - 11PM (Reply to #5)

rache

Insanity is as insanity does

my ex N has pulled out all stops in the time since i divorced him.Trying everything to get me back(asked me to marry him again at least a dozen times)offering to let me have all his settlement money for a ring(engagement),all,the while visiting the good ol dating sites for cyber crap! And,he's even went as far as phoning ex gal friends of mine to USE! Has been married 3-4(it may be 5th,at least 4th)who knows how many others,as,his own 9 year old granddaughter said AGAIN?looking exasperated.Now,he is looking for a FREE nurse.Someone who will take care of him and do a little sightseeing to places HE wants to see,then,will be his caretaker to keep him OUT of nursing home(66 with health probs big time).The same week he poured out his undying love he got pissed at me for making an observation and told me he was going to the MALL to find a good woman! I told him to go on,and,that he was a poor investment,as,you have to be married to someone 10 years to draw social security from spouse(dead),and,he hasn't go enough money to leave anyone.Sheesh!!!!!!!!!!None of his marriages lasted longer than 6 years.I can see why,but,#3 is in his life! And,shesv possibly a psyhcopath

#16 Jan 18 - 1AM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

rache

#3 is probably COMPLETELY brainwashed by him and completely in his grip. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

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