My NPD Library

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#1 Feb 11 - 10AM

Maggster

My NPD Library

Here is my list of books I've read in trying to learn about this personality disorder and what happened to me. The list is in no particular order:

1. The Path Forward
2. The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists
3. The Gaslight Effect
4. Narcissistic Lovers
5. The Emotionally Abused Woman
6. Encouragements for The Emotionally Abused Woman
7. Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
8. Help! I'm in Love with a Narcissist ( Still reading this )
9. Men Who Hate Women and the Women who Love Them

Each of the above have all well defined either NPD and the grievances that go along with this disorder. The description of the narcissist in Narcisstic Lovers hit closet to home for me. I get what it is, no denying that anymore, but still struggling with my desire for him. No worries though, I am committed to getting off his ride and starting my own journey. It is so hard & scary but I know the alternative is far worse.

#2 Feb 11 - 3PM

Journey

Educating ourselves is

Educating ourselves is critical for understanding, but education alone does not stop us from needing what we must fill in ourselves from within. Desiring your N. I understand that completely because a part of me still desires mine after 2+ years AND knowing all about narcs, how he relates to the behavior AND how toxic that is to me. Bridging the knowledge within ourselves to the place that still 'desires' him, is getting to the point where we no longer allow any remaining desire to take over our thoughts and actions as if we can get what we 'need' from the narc - but that is only up to us, no one else can give us that wholeness - nor any book, no matter how relevant. I think it is about trust - trusting in ourselves to be just fine without the narc (truly better than we can imagine!) and allowing ourselves to do what is necessary (remain NC) to cross that bridge of acceptance in order to let it go. Any remaining desire I still feel for my exN is just the lingering fantasy. I loved him believing he was 'the one', so the desire to recapture THAT feeling is hard to shake, but it isn't about HIM anymore. Journey on...

Journey on...

#3 Feb 12 - 5PM (Reply to #14)

shock and awe.some (not verified)

Journey

Your post really struck a cord in me. I too thought my NBF was the one and was with his almost 2 years. thank god that I had the courage to confront him about his dismissive behavior towards me or i may still be strung along. It's only been about a month and I remain NC. But most of my learning so far has been about Him and his sickness. I do still long for him even though I will not ever take him back. Fantasy. In reality, I have my list of unloving things he did to me or failed to do for me to make me see that I would not choose someone like him...he is cowardly con man. What I really need to concentrate on is ME. Working on myself and my boundaries and avoidance issues. Only when I fix myself will I be able to recognize a healthy relationship in my future. Your post let me see this. Thank u o wise one!

#4 Feb 12 - 8AM (Reply to #9)

Maggster

Processing Information

You are right, and I know that no matter how much I read, the pain from being with and the pain of wanting him wouldn't ever magically go away. I have learned there never really was and never will be any magic in this situation. It took me months to accept that he was indeed a malignant narcissist and in all honesty, I still wonder what if I'm making a mistake. My whole world became his for 15 years, I trusted him with my heart & soul. I believed him, his supposed love, his decisions, his actions, everything. I thought I was his "soul mate" etc ... Now I need to learn to trust myself and re-learn who the hell I really am. The more I read the easier it is to keep that committment to myself. So many of the vignettes portrayed in some of my readings are nearly identical to my story including the words and language the n's use. I'm getting through one day at a time trying so hard to make the transition from him to me!

#5 Feb 12 - 5PM (Reply to #13)

shock and awe.some (not verified)

Magster

Hugs to you gf. I feel your heartache. It is difficult for me only having been in a "relationship" for 2 years. I need to think of another word for that because i was the only one investing anything into it. I call my XNBF tick dick which gives me a lil chuckle considering how they take themselves SO seriously. Hang in!

#6 Feb 12 - 10AM (Reply to #11)

phantom adoration

Just when you think...

you have read it all, seen it all, understand the directions found in the books, the forum, a moment of clarity will reveal itself. For me that happened this morning. While trying to navigate an impending legal action I also have to navigate the emotional roadblocks, sadness, crying, aching, and yes questioning the diagnosis of narcissism. Any doubt I may have had or still cling to fades everyday and my resolve and acceptance grows stronger. It occured to me I will have plenty of time for that AFTER I win in court and secrue what is mine. I simply have no time for it now. He will never change but I can change how I react and control my joys, happiness and yes, feelings of sorrow. I am focusing now on standing tall, holding my head up and when I am past fighting for what is rightfully mine I will begain to fight the demons. After all I am woman, hear me roar! Headin outside to cut some limbs with the chainsaw I taught myself to use. With each cut I will think of my N!

#7 Feb 12 - 5PM (Reply to #12)

shock and awe.some (not verified)

phantom..

wackamole time!!!

#8 Feb 12 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

Journey

That is how I processed it

That is how I processed it too, from reading and learning. It is one day at a time, how could it not be after investing so much? The transition of which you speak needs to be a conscious one. Not saying it isn't for you, only that it must be. Like forming boundaries, they don't just form because we know they are needed, we must decide what they are and 'actively' enforce that decision. You will get there in time. There is no easy route, there are many bumps along the way. You say you are accepting he is a narc, yet wondering if you are making a mistake is an indication of still doubting. If you recognize him in many of these books you've listed, then there is obviously something very toxic about him and that doubt needs to be erased. That is when the transition will become more natural and actual acceptance will push you forward in recovery.

Journey on...

#9 Feb 11 - 11AM

shock and awe.some (not verified)

As always

I am in the company of brilliant and loving girlfriends every time I enter this site. Thanks for all the reading material ideas. I live in a rural area and don't have access to book stores. How long does it usually take for Amazon to send a hard cover.

#10 Feb 11 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

midnight7

If in stock with Amazon,

If in stock with Amazon, rather than through their secondhand marketplace, they deliver to me within 24 hours with their Prime option. Many books are available to read for free in snippet/major preview versions through Google Books.

#11 Feb 11 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

Snowflake

Amazon are great

I am UK based and even with free delivery its usually 3 days..in fact I recommend the free delivery as I have found its no quicker via the postage paid option. All the books listed here are on Amazon. I liked Help I am in love with a Narcissist. x

#12 Feb 11 - 10AM

miranda

"toads and the women who kiss

"toads and the women who kiss them" is a very funny and refreshing book. helps you to laugh at these ridiculous so called men. (i think i got mine from amazon, onto kindle) http://alexandranouri.wordpress.com/2011/08/23/book-section-from-toads-and-the-women-who-kiss-them/

#13 Feb 11 - 10AM

Sparrow

The alternative is so much

The alternative is so much more worse. I am glad you know that. Life is short, you found out early enough to escape, and you did. Your journey has begun and you will se it through. The books you listed are all very good. The book that absolutely saved my life, outside of Lisa's of course, is titled "Toxic Men" by Lillian Glas, PhD. I called it my "bible" and read it from front to back, probably 10 times or more. All of these books are informative. Each of us will find that one particular one that sets itself apart from th others, that we relate to the best. As long as we educate ourselves and do the steps that Lisa's book put's in place, we will all get there. Enjoy your journey, embrace it...........it is one of the most important journeys of your life!

#14 Feb 11 - 10AM

phantom adoration

What snowfalke said,

What snowfalke said, especially HE DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE! Nor can he recognize the need for change. We are the damages, no doubt, but WE CAN change. Hang in there

#15 Feb 11 - 10AM

Snowflake

Maggster

Keep reading, recognise YOUR N in the books you read..so many lightbulb moments. He cant change, wont change, doesnt want to change and you dont want to settle for what he is..you will get there hon.. Have you made any moves to declutter him out of your house yet? Those reminders will not be helping you x

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