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My new Mantra

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#1 Dec 20 - 6AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

My new Mantra

Really LISTEN to what people are saying to you. That is it short and simple, if I had done that little thing I would have not spent so many years of my life thinking I could fix/change,whatever, him. I will be now more of an OBSERVER first of the next man I get involved with, make sense?

Dec 20 - 6PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Great idea to listen, to select

Listen with intent observation. What is this person really about. Am I okay with sizing them up, and judging them for actually who they are, where they are coming from. I am not a judgemental person, however I care enough about myself to tune into this person, and see if any red flags go off. If they do, I know how to deal with it. I am no longer a victim of an abuser. I no longer want to be manipulated by someone who does not care about me, and is only into power. I want a level playing field when it comes to relationships. I have courage enough to listen to how I feel, and have courage to stand up to someone who is just trying to string me along with lies. I know how to deal with these people now, and cut them off.
Dec 20 - 2PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

My Narc had all my friends

My Narc had all my friends fooled. They really liked him. They even spoke on the phone with him,laughed and joked. They too couldn't believe the D & D. You just never know. In my gut I did sense somthing was off. He is just simply a "TURD" Idealk
Dec 20 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Makes perfect sense

Makes perfect sense :P Really listening, to me, means getting mySELF out of the way and paying attention to the other person. Without my own wants and needs contaminating the scene.
Dec 20 - 6AM
Used
Used's picture

new mantra

so so true, i thought i paid attention to things, things were said, i would get a little gut reaction and ignore it. not any more....WHEN SOMEONE SPEAKS NOW MAN OR WOMAN I LISTEN AND LEARN WHAT NOT TO IGNORE.... WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU WHO THEY ARE BELIEVEBELIEVE BELIEVE. when a "FREIND" tells you what they did or done to someone else ,then they will do it to you!!!!
Dec 20 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Used

you hit the hammer on the nail, for I remember the time we were driving somewhere and he told me all about the "mind games' one of his ex-wives use to play on him, well guess what, it was his projection , way before i knew what that meant, and it was all about him, to use Lisa's book name!!! and he wound up doing the exact same thing to me...case closed
Dec 20 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
Used
Used's picture

LISTENING

this also reminded me of, beign on my landline one day, talking to a FREIND, and i got atext from another friend asking me to phone when i was off my landline, the FRIEND i was talking to said to me, oh just tell her you are out and must of left landline off hook, i text back and said i will phone you when i am off landline.. months later, i texted the FRIEND and said ime phoning your home phone as you asked....SHE SAID OH SORRY I AM OUT I MUST HAVE LEFT PHONE OFF THE HOOK.. that incident was about 2 1/2 years ago ,i have only just fell in..delayed action or what? and no i dont see that FREIND any more, she was a user bigtime...lol
Dec 20 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Exactly!

That's what we're all learning. When we hear something now that sounds like BS or projection, we will take it for what it is. We will no longer ignore it or push it to the back of our minds. We will listen. And we will hear.
Dec 20 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

I remember my Exn saying to me some years ago,

"you need to find someone else and I need to live by myself", all I said was you hurt my feelings saying that, and then he said "this is the truth", but I did not LISTEN to him really and spent more years with him until he left.He KNEW there was something wrong with him, deep inside on an unconscience level, I am convinced but did not have the insight to do anything about it.