My final goodbye

I need to finally let go. Let go of you and the emotional turmoil that I am dragging with me along the way. Goodbye!!! Goodbye to you, the physical you, the emotional you and to all of the memories I have of you the good and the bad. I want to say my final goodbye before I move on to the next chapter of my life. I have to be honest this is hard being as though I truly loved you and really believed that we would be together forever but that didn’t happen and now you quickly moved on to the OW. Am I happy for you?? NO!!! Am I jealous?? NO!!! I hope that your relationship doesn’t work because you do not deserve true happiness.
You went from relationship to relationship to marriage to relationship hurting everyone you were in contact with and your response to that was “GET OVER IT’. I hate you and I hate you with all my heart because I did not deserve to be treated this way neither did my children. You are nothing but toxic. You are a disease a cancerous diseased person. You come into people’s lives and lay dormant and wait and observe and grow with your manipulation and then it grows and spreads into anger, betrayal, hurting others, pity parties blaming others, fake suicide attempts and the list goes on and on and you finally blow up to make it known that you are here, but only when it’s too late get you out of my system. So now I have to nurse myself and try to get better but I keep having relapses because my mind is saying that you were wrong, you don’t deserve me, and I deserve better but my heart is still holding on for hope. You came to use and destroy me. You constantly put me down and called me names talked and laughed about my place of employment because I work in corporate but you have not been able to keep a steady job the three years we were together. How many jobs did you have during that time? Um… let’s see FOUR and you were fired from all of them.
You talked about my kids, said they were nothing and that you see no good in them. You also said that your children were properly raised by you and your ex, but you allow your older children to throw tantrums and hit their mom when they get mad. You put yourself on this pedestal wanting me to move into your place come to find out only for me to pay the bills because you were on the verge of losing your place because you could not afford to pay your own bills. I do not forgive you. I forgive myself for making the BIGGEST mistake of my life by being with you in the first place. Now that I look back yes I see the many signs that I ignored. You tried to destroy me and make me your puppet. As long as I was the YES person and didn’t question you or have a mind of my own you were fine with that, but as soon as I started to speak up for myself and question your motives that’s when all hell broke loose. You punching yourself in the head, punching the walls and doors, threatening to kill yourself, blaming me for ALL of your problems, throwing things, putting your fist up to my face, and again the list goes on and on. I want you to feel the pain that you inflicted on so many other people. I hope that you will never be truly happy and that you will have no inner peace. Now that you are out of my life, with the help of the legal system giving me a PTO, I can finally say I’m at peace. My children won’t have to be picked on all the time and they can actually be kids at heart without having the fear that Mr. N is going to holler at them or try to punish them. They are at peace as well. You are out of my life for right now. THANK GOD!!! I no longer care about your feelings at all. You are a non -factor to me. You are a fuck up you’ve said it yourself. “Everything I touch I destroy, I’m a fuck up”. Why didn’t I listen to those words and run as fast as I could have??? I didn’t I decided to stick around and stay and help you see that you are or could have been a better person and me being nice backfired on me. You are a nightmare that became a reality that I wish to NEVER have again. Even though unfortunately we have to co-parent if and when you decide to be in our child’s life one day you will have no hold on me. Your harsh and nasty words mean nothing to me anymore and I take what you say with a grain of salt. When I see you I see signs saying DANGER, BE AWARE, TOXIC, PROCEED WITH CAUTION and etc. I’m letting go, letting go of everything. I have to lift these weights off of my shoulders as they are keeping a stronghold on me not allowing me to get up and start walking forward. I'm letting go of the pain, the hurt and the toxic you brought into my life is getting detoxed out of my system now. GOODBYE!!!!