My Escape-

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#1 Oct 20 - 12PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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My Escape-

i did it. A week ago he cornered me and told me i need to make a decision, so i did. i filed last Thursday. and in an effort to be kind, i sat him down (took kids somewhere else safe first-btw-had overnite clothes for the kids and I and my makeup, had already slowly shipped my things of value -pics and stuff-out over the past few months, been saving money since Feb this year, had my own PO box none of this he knew)and tell him gently and offer-yes im stupid-to do the latest "trend" in Divorces, the stay at home divorce at least for a month, so we can get our finances straightened out.told him its no one's fault, we just are in a slump in our marraige that we just cant pull out of. um....yeah, that didnt go over well at all.
he said: (VERY paraphrased!!) i wont keep you from the kids, i want the house, i will assume all the dept of the house except this one and this one, lets make sure to keep it civil, easy on the kids, i wont change the locks or sestroy any of your things, i wont fight you on anything, i still love you, i didnt think youd choose this way, im totally shocked, and (this is good) i am just sad you wont make it to heaven....IM NOT WORRIED. i told him i will let you be alone today, to absorb this. i will be back after our daughter's last volley ball game tomorrow. he tried to say things to start a fight, i kept calm level voice, i only answered with well, that will be worked out with the lawyers. that was all i could say and it kept him from going off.
KEEP IN MIND a few things i did:
1-car packed, full of gas, doors unlocked, purse inside, keys in ignition
2-unlocked all the doors in the house
3-had a freind on the phone, listening, she couldnt hear much but if i screamd she was to hang up and dial 911
4-sat in a way i could escape easily
5-had a place to go, had some cash

this was at 10am. rec'd a text at 4pm that he had changed all the deadbolts and that i need to call or text before retreiving my property. before you say-he cant do that-i know. and HE KNOWS-hes a police officer.
so i called the Sherriff, he went with me to get my stuff. and my dad.
OK SO he had my parents and sister, completely fooled with hsi religion makeover. he was winning the propaganda war. i just stuck to my guns. My dad got there first-had words with him, SAW THE FLASH THAT ONLY WE SEE IN HIS EYES and dad stepped back thinking oh wow, what did i do-then said he went back to normal speaking like you could see it go away.
i knocked on the door-he didnt know the Sherriff was with me, he let the kids in (was not in the plan but he didnt go to kids volley ball game) and stood in my way saying your stuff is in the garage, then the sherriff came into view, OH (SHERRIFF) i already have a witness coming you can go, S said i am here at her request, i think i will stay.
he hovered, kept saying we can be civil, it doesnt have to get ugly, ect. it was insane, he also had religios programming on tv. he protested everything i touched even food. but i think because the S was there, it could have been WAAAYYY worse, and because of all of that, i am staying at my parent's house. and the lawyer-unleashed hell on him. i have FULL PHYSICAL custody, he has to pay the attourney fees that are associated with any fight we have, and i get back in the house. the S witnessed this behavior and that was brilliant of me...i have to say...
the kids took the news (do your research know your kids, break it gently do not say anything bad about him, one looked at a fam pic and was like i like that pic and i said (cant beleive i was sooo quick!!) that was an awesoem day wasnt it? we had fun that day remmeber? but now we get to make new ones and you get to make new ones with him!! The oldest-releived i think, she was under alot of pressure with him..ive been on a few times...
POST MORTUM: he gets served officially today, i have change life ins beneficiary, cell phone, bank, po box, everything yesterday

GOD and Life finds a way girls. Just do it-plan ahead, do it. HAVE A PLAN. This site helped SOO much, i know i have a battle in front of me. but i am sooo happy already....

Oct 20 - 5PM
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

Good for you!

Congratulations. I hope the process goes relatively smoothly. Divorcing a narcissist so far for me has been very challenging. It has been 3 months since filing and 6 months since leaving with the kids and still it is an ongoing day-to-day struggle. He is doing everything he can to make me suffer emotionally, financially, career-wise. Unfortunately this also impacts the kids. Some advice from down the line which may or may not totally apply to you since all narccissists are not created equal: Take really, really, careful records around what he does, especially with the kids and visits. Set up clear expectations regarding visits with the kids (via e-mail and phone texts ONLY) and as many safety checks as you can. That way when he has boundary issues and tramples all over you by doing passive aggressive things around the visits, you have an agreement to point to, however informal, to illustrate that he is doing this. The time between filing and when there is an official visitation order should be minimized. That gray area is a terrible place to be with a narcissist; you'll want to have enforceable orders, even if they are temporary, with the court. For me the biggest challenge in all of this is trying to allow himself to be transparent to the system so that they "get" who he is and can help set things up to minimize his impact on the kids. The courts need to see that flash in his eyes for themselves, and as we know they do not like to show that to just anyone.
Oct 20 - 1PM
Hangman11
Hangman11's picture

You GO GIRL!! Brilliant

You GO GIRL!! Brilliant Exit! You make me so Proud! The Sherriff is a nice touch! Mine changed the locks on me (while I was there, back in June and I went back in August (given a new key, idiot that he is wanted me back or so he said) got the rest of my stuff and I am now at my dad's and sleep peacefully at night. I have gone back and forth over the decison to divorce, but I filed, had him served and now I should be rid of his dumb a-- (divorce final)for good on Christmas Eve! MERRY CHRISTMAS M----F---R!!!
Oct 20 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

shocked

I wish you and your children every good thing, especially peace. Yes, there is a ways to go, but you took a very hard first step.
Oct 20 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

wow

This WAS brilliant planning, indeed! Good for you for getting away. Please keep us posted!