moving_on's story

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#1 Jul 20 - 6PM
moving_on
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moving_on's story

Too Good To Be True

Like all other “love stories” with a narcissist, mine is not different. It involves a lot of pain and despair.
Everything started while I was attending a conference at a very prestigious university in the USA. I’m a foreigner who was going to attend a course at that institution during summer time.
The conference was about leadership. One of the speakers attending the event was a worldwide known personal strategist/coaching. During the question and answer session, a guy in a nice suit stood up and started telling his life story to the speaker and the big crowd. He starts out by saying that he is from a very poor family, that he came from nothing, and now he is a graduate student at that top university. The “official story” impacted the crowd and of course impacted me. I almost cried when he said he had to drop out high school to work in order to support family and help his single mom. That his brother was in jail, etc, etc, etc. He continued his speech, saying that the speaker’s lessons had changed his life. He concluded his speech by inviting him to dinner.
Obviously this guy was the sensation of the conference. When the event was over everybody wanted to congratulate him for his strength, capacity, and inspiring story. He kept telling people that he was a motivational speaker himself, that he was a tutor, and that he had helped many students around the USA. I was so moved by the “official story”. Most of the story was true, but he deleted all the bad parts and emphasized the good ones. I won’t go into details, for my own security. All that I can say (I found out later on) is that the real story involves some very bad stuff and the guy is an amazing actor.
Anyway, before finding out that my prince charming had a NPD, everything sounded like a dream. It was like he was putting a spell on me while we were talking for the first time. He took down my contact information and promised to take me for a tour around the city. I couldn’t stop thinking about that perfect boy. I thought of him every single day for 2 weeks. RED FLAG: He sent me an email with some articles. The internet articles were about HIM : his academic success, how he overcame the odds and got accepted into that prestigious university, how he got so many scholarships, about his volunteer work with kids and elderly, etc. He even asked me for feedback on the articles. I thought that was extremely showy, but at the same time, I felt special. In my naïve thoughts, he was trying to impress me.
After his final exams we started hanging out. He was so charming, smart, and seductive. While he was talking to me he kept looking deeply into my eyes and I knew it was already too late. I fell in love with that boy the first time we went out for dinner. He was TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. He fascinated me with his stories of adventure. I couldn’t get enough of him.
Of course, the subject of our conversations was always him. He told me that he was meeting the most important and powerful people in the area. He claimed that he had been invited to many important conferences as a motivational speaker all over the USA, and so on. Yes, that was all true. However, the way he made himself the center of attention ALL THE TIME was making me sick. He was obsessed with power, money, and success. Whenever it came to my needs or personal achievements, it was like talking to a wall. I was invisible to him and had no voice. He would never ask me how I was feeling. He even said I wasn’t his type of girl, but he found me interesting for some reason. Minutes later he was asking me if I had worked as a model.
And the chaos continued in the next days. He started calling me after midnight saying he needed to hear my voice and see me as soon as possible. But when I called him, he never answered the phone. Speaking on the phone and meeting up was his decision. We would meet whenever and wherever he wanted to. He vanished for days. I had no voice. He was in charge of everything.
After one week of hanging out I was EXHAUSTED and depressed. Everything for him was a competition. He told me he had connections with the CIA, that his ancestors were part of the Mexican and French Government. He was driving me crazy with his stories.
He had to be the center of attention at all times. I told him we couldn’t be together anymore because of his superego. He apologized and said he was going to change. What a big mistake. I let him back into my life and he continued driving me nuts.
He used to wake up and sing to me in the morning. He used to say: What a beautiful day. He was always late for his internship because he had to work out first. Every single phrase he said contained the words: I, I’M, ME, MYSELF, MINE. And I’m not kidding.
He didn’t sleep. He barely ate. The guy was using some medication for “something he had in his brain”. He said it was ADHD, but he didn’t want to show me what medication he was taking. I was slowly seeing his true colors but I was madly in love.
In the next few days we were hanging out, a very interesting episode happened. We went out for dinner and I got some attention while we were walking on the streets. Some people were looking at me. I didn’t even realize it, but he pointed that out. An old gentleman (around 75 yrs old) was staring at me while we were waiting for the train. Of course my date was very upset that he wasn’t the center of attention and asked me:
DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL THEM TO STOP LOOKING AT YOU?? BECAUSE IF IT BOTHERS YOU, I CAN TALK TO THEM. JUST LET ME KNOW.
Of course it did not bother me. It bothered him. If he could talk to those people and be honest with them, he would say something like: Stop looking at her and start looking at me. I’m the big shot here.
My narcissist date kept surprising me with his crazy behavior. After 2 weeks, he said HE LOVED ME and GAVE ME FLOWERS. He knocked on my door at 3 am (yes, 3am). That was another RED FLAG. He said he needed me and that he couldn’t remember the last time he felt happier in his life. He wanted me to meet his mother. He was having some issues with her and wanted to use me to bring them closer. She would fly over the country to meet her son. He wanted me to be her tour guide while he was doing an internship at a local firm. Accordingly to him, I was his mother and grandmother’s dream woman. I said I wanted to be his dream woman. He replied saying that he was very peculiar in that subject. It was clear that I wasn’t.
I was so blind. I was so much in love. I couldn’t see he was using me as an adventure for the summer…. a toy to play with. HE WAS THE SUBJECT AND I WAS THE OBJECT during the whole time.
Things he said to me (and I’m not exaggerating) :
- I’m just good at being a genius. Just like Einstein.
- I know I’m always the big shot wherever I go.
- You can notice as we walk on the streets that women are “dogging” you because you are with me.
- I’m always the different one. If people go in one direction, I go to the opposite one. I’m unique.
- God gave me the gift of communication and I use it in a way to impact people (and fool them).
- I know I’m in a very successful moment of my life and you seem to be a little bit lost. But it’s ok to be lost sometimes. (He told me that when I said I couldn’t deal with his superego anymore).
- I’m always in charge of everything and everybody. I’m even in charge of my boss.
- I can see that you are becoming a better person because you are spending time with me. I’m transforming you.
- I’m in contact with these Hollywood producers because they want to make a movie about my life.
- The journalist who wrote the articles about me on the internet wants to write my biography in 15 years from now.
- I want a statue of myself.
- This is going to be the best summer of your life because I’ll be part of it.

Needless to say, I decided to leave the USA before the summer was over and before I got nuts. I needed to get out of that toxic situation. I was desperate, depressed, and suffocated. When I told him I was leaving, he went to my house and ordered some food over the phone. He talked for 15 minutes about his “broken heart” to the delivery guy. He needed to twist the situation. After all, I was the one who was in charge at the moment. I decided to leave the country and to leave him earlier than expected. So he had to twist the attention back to him again. What a sad guy!
After a long conversation, he finally said he “had some issues with his health” and was seeing 3 doctors at the same time. He confessed he was taking anti depressants after “some sh** happened” in his life. He didn’t want to say the name of his mental illness nor did he want to open up about the “issues that made him that way”.
Another interesting fact is that he never asked me to stay, but got mad when I left. He was even stupid and ironic in the last day we saw each other. I was crying my eyes out and he was being sarcastic and even making fun of my pain.
Leaving him was the second most painful experience of my life but, at the same time, a huge lesson. I have learned I needed to find out WHY I was been attracted to that kind of sick personality.
The first thing I did when I got to my home country was to look for professional help. My therapist was the one who diagnosed him as a narcissist (and having other psychosis). How on earth could it be any more obvious? I was so blind I couldn’t see it.
Of course I’m still very hurt, but at least I can do something about it now. Needless to say that I’m not in touch with the guy anymore because I want TO HEAL MYSELF. I just want to make sure more women don’t ruin their lives by becoming involved with these sick men. It takes a lot of courage and determination to leave this kind of unhealthy relationship, but we need TO LOVE OURSELVES ABOVE ALL. It isn’t worth all the pain and frustration. Remember he will never appreciate you. MOVE ON for better and brighter things. I know it is very hard at first, but once you make up your mind you want to heal your heart, you will. It is just a question of time. No more vampires!

Jul 29 - 2PM
no more an echo
no more an echo's picture

gang leaders and preachers...

Jul 30 - 9AM (Reply to #17)
moving_on
moving_on's picture

They are very dangerous,

Jul 29 - 1PM
evergreen
evergreen's picture

too good to be true

Jul 30 - 9AM (Reply to #15)
moving_on
moving_on's picture

Dear evergreen. I know it's

Jul 24 - 11AM
Janie53
Janie53's picture

Moving On

Jul 24 - 5PM (Reply to #13)
moving_on
moving_on's picture

Thanks for your kind words,

Jul 23 - 1PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

charismatic

Jul 23 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
moving_on
moving_on's picture

Despite the fact I have

Jul 23 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
1stnarcexp11
1stnarcexp11's picture

Once we were "back together",

Jul 24 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
moving_on
moving_on's picture

How is the healing process

Jul 24 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
1stnarcexp11
1stnarcexp11's picture

The process of healing is up

Jul 25 - 4PM (Reply to #10)
moving_on
moving_on's picture

I read this somewhere and would like to share!

Jul 25 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
1stnarcexp11
1stnarcexp11's picture

You're right. It is the

Jul 22 - 10AM
Canada
Canada's picture

I noticed how he started the

Jul 23 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
moving_on
moving_on's picture

Thanks for your kind words,

Jul 21 - 9PM
1stnarcexp11
1stnarcexp11's picture

Sorry for the LONG reply but I relate to several points....

Jul 22 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
moving_on
moving_on's picture

Thanks for sharing your story