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moving into love

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#1 Oct 3 - 6PM
calamity-g
calamity-g's picture

moving into love

There must be a way out of all this pain and misery. The only thing I can think of is what I have learned here, which is no contact and then to move on.
I think I must need to move into love. Love is real. I know this is true. I have been loved and have loved and it is awesome.
For me it is physical sickness that keeps me isolated and I think as a result, keeps me continuing to think about this man. I think anger is good, especially when it tells you that something is wrong. I may always feel anger towards the man I had this horrible time with, but I hope to forgive myself for knowing in my heart that he had traits that I recognized as being unhealthy and I still went with the flow out of loneliness.
So, I am going to try and get out a bit. There are so many nice people, and nice men too.
I want my life full of love and some happiness too.
What about love and happiness? Maybe there could be another kind of forum on this site; one where people could talk about ways to move into love and out of the cycle of mental torture of trying to figure the narcissist out. A forum to discuss ways out of constantly reliving the trauma and feeling the damage that has been done to our minds, hearts and ability to trust.
I want to be happy again. I also want to love again.
calamity gina.

Oct 3 - 8PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I want my life full of love and some happiness too.

we have to have faith and strength that we will all reach that, I know by talking to others here and reading their inspiring journey of what they lived through helps me. It tells me I CAN DO THIS TOO, look how strong we are, if we lived through this horrible betrayal we can overcome almost anything.
Oct 3 - 6PM
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

CJ...it takes TIME

Oh I completely understand your desire to escape the pain, move onto someone worthy of your love and get back into life. I'm all for going out with friends and beginning to feel comfortable with socializing (in the aftermath of pathological devastation). I even understand how it seems like finding a new love would make the pain go away quicker. I went straight from my 1st N and into the arms of another N, and it did feel SOOOO much better...at first. I thought 2nd N was what I had always longed for...turned out he was yet another N nightmare. An even worse nightmare, in fact. I don't want that to happen to you. And you might think...what are the chances I'll find another N? well, I think it's high, frankly. Especially if you haven't really given yourself enough time to process and rediscover yourself. I think you're too vulnerable...and you haven't given it enough time alone (without a man). It's Hell, what you're going through...I KNOW!! Male friends are fine. In fact, I met a nice male friend this past summer socially and it's done wonders to help me feel safe again around a man. but that's it...just friends. I'm 9 monthhs out of the N nightmare and I really feel i'm only halfway to relief. 18 months I think is accurate. Bottom line, yes, we should move into love. But love through solid friendships...and most importantly, self love. YES...self love, the very thing the N has too much of (on the surface). And we likely have too little of . Fall in love with yourself (through self examination, therapty and meds, if needed)! That will help you make good decisions moving forward and hopefully keep the Ns at bay. They don't go for people who have healthy self love and assert their boundaries, etc. Become N repellant through love!!
Oct 3 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

calamity gina

it takes a lot of TIME. you aren't different there's no magic get in counseling STAY IN COUNSELING. PATIENCE http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/01/healthy-love-what-world ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 3 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

That's the goal. Happiness.

That's the goal. Happiness. Maybe love. For me, I've chosen to love me for a little while. I need it after what I've been through. Then I choose to love people in need like those I visit in hospital. You said you kept the first one around because you didnt want to be alone. Tread lightly here. It could happen again very easily. I hear ya! We do a lot of bitching around here, lets be honest. But we are venting all this crap out of our systems. All the garbage in our minds and bodies that the N planted there. So on with the griping, thats fine with me. But yeah. We have to move forward from there too. And we will. But dont cut your healing short. If you are lonely,volunteer somewhere and meet people there. Just light friendships and such. Go slow with friendships. See who people are before getting too wrapped up. That's my penny's worth. Good luck :)
Oct 4 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
laura (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amen

Everything you said is true. Good advice.