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Moving on...

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#1 Oct 30 - 9PM
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Moving on...

Is harder than I thought. Some days are good, hell some weeks are good, but then you find an old video, or you just get pissed in general for loving an illusion.

My battle is far from over...not backing down for one minute. Just because I won a judgment in court doesn't mean I have my money. Round two...

Please know that the cognitive dissonance does start to
diminish after time and you really get it. It doesn't mean you stop loving the illusion, but you know it is an illusion.

Unlike a lot of women on this site, mine was no contact for both of us since the D&D except for one ugly email I sent...just had to let him know that I knew all the lies, and there was some legal communication on my part...he ignored it.

I got lucky, but the pain does linger. And it is a decision to fill a void that he once completely dominated 24/7.
It's been almost 8 months since the D&D.

For everyone who is dealing with a narcissist, spath, whatever...it's a mind f*cking experience. There is hope and an other side, but for some it is easier to get to than others. I backslide a lot.

It's spooky to think that everyone considers him the nicest person in the world. He knows I know the truth...so I had to be removed. Lucky me : )

They suck...literally!

I don't get sick as often and have more energy since I am no longer in his presence.

Keep the faith and much love to you all.

Oct 30 - 9PM
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

hitandrun

good to hear you again, hitandrun. My memory is so terrible these days, but I am thinking it has been a while since I remember seeing you here. Forgive me if my memory is just in overload and I am mistaken. Aside from the court stuff, your words could be mine. I feel you and it has been almost 9 mos. since I have seen the bastard. It is the same with me, I have good days, godd weeks, and then there is the time like now where people from that past bring it all back to the present. Ten yrs, for me, is a long history to get over but I will because it is necessary. The damage however cannot be underestimated. They suck and what that did to us really sucks. But we're still standing, aren't we girl? almostlydia

almostlydia

Oct 31 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

almostlydia and hitandrun

hi there, make mine 15 years and close to 2 years jsut to rcover but thank god i am moving on, this board and reading as much as possible, the nasty letter he sent me, accusing me of being a slut, whore, free sex on the internet, plus the wonderful help of the EXN's first wife, have given me strength to move on, when for me too, i did not think it was ever going to end, the loneliness, sadness, anger, all the emotions you could think o, have finally slowed down. i still think of him but no where near as often and now it is with pity and horror that a person is so diseased and they do not realize it.He carries alot of guilt around, he told me once and i hope that chains him down forever after how he treated me and the other women in his life.I also definitely blame his mother for somewhere along the line she never let him separate from her by smothering and doting on him.
Oct 31 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

almostlydia and hitandrun

hi there, make mine 15 years and close to 2 years jsut to rcover but thank god i am moving on, this board and reading as much as possible, the nasty letter he sent me, accusing me of being a slut, whore, free sex on the internet, plus the wonderful help of the EXN's first wife, have given me strength to move on, when for me too, i did not think it was ever going to end, the loneliness, sadness, anger, all the emotions you could think o, have finally slowed down. i still think of him but no where near as often and now it is with pity and horror that a person is so diseased and they do not realize it.he carries alot of guilt around, he told me once and i hope that chains him down forever after how he treated me and the other women in his life.I also definitely blame his mother for somewhere along the line she never let him separate from her by smothering and doting on him.
Oct 30 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Yes we are!

Oh, your memory is correct...probably haven't posted since my day in court. It is hard to describe to people who have never been through it, though I have been fortunate to have supportive friends and family. My focus for work waxes and wanes. But we are still standing. And with these freak shows, that's a miracle. I now most definitely consider myself a force of nature. He has no idea who he decided to mind f*ck. I was down for the count, but eventually got back up. They expect us to just roll over and die, and damn if I almost didn't. But he isn't worth taking my life. And he's gotten away with so many things, and probably has pulled his crap on many women who never knew what hit them and are still thinking they did something wrong. For those women I cannot give up. I could walk away, but that's not me. Forgiveness will come after this is settled, if only for my peace of mind. almostlydia, pat yourself on the back because being able to still stand after these mindf*ckers is an accomplishment. It has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life because it was all a lie. But we have lived to tell the tale! And for those who are at the beginning of this journey, it does get better. I cannot say it will go away completely because I don't know yet. To not be crying ALL day. To be able to get out of bed and take a shower, to be able to speak about subjects besides him...major strides. And I am thankful. It wasn't very long ago when completing a load of laundry was a big win. The thoughtful and intelligent people on this forum helped me through it. If not for you all, who knows?
Oct 31 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

I have come to the

I have come to the conclusion that sometimes we represented the greatest challenge for them. they think they are so superior to 'normal' humans, so trying to beat us was a challenge. I know I became quite the challenge, once I finally started to see, because I could predict his every move and every lie. So, kudos to us ladies! I am still standing, able to tell the tale, damaged as hell, but not done in. I was down, but not out. I used to tell the exN, 'you have met your match, I can go toe to toe with you.' You may have been a force to be reckoned with but, thank God, so am I. almostlydia

almostlydia

Oct 31 - 3AM (Reply to #3)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

We know, dear, we know. And

We know, dear, we know. And you are not alone. We are all behind you, helping you to go on. Like almostlydia says :-) tomorrow is another day to try again. And yes , we are forces of nature. They tried to suck from us all our overflowing energies and left us drained. But we are still whole. They have never been whole and never will. Continue your legal battle. For you, for your self esteem. It does not matter how it ends, I mean, it does matter but in the end you will be able to tell yourself: I reacted to his abuse. I did not remain passive. This is already a great thing. He will have a grudging respect for you, believe me, he already has it. Bullies cannot stand who react. Chin up girl. Tomorrow is another day to try again. ((hugs))