Major Hoover!

For the past 2 months I've been NC. He initiated it, what started as a silent treatment on his part became a chance for me to deprogram. I really thought he would NEVER try to contact me again, that he was done with me. We both worked in the same school abroad and for the summer holidays we went back to our home country (the same one).
We were supposed to spend it together but he ignored me all summer.
After 10 months of emotional abuse, I really needed out of this relationship.
I am now back in my host country and I got 2 emails from him after 2 months of not hearing from him despite all the shallow promises he made.
In a nutshell, he's upset that "I made him believe that things could work between us". He has loved me deeply (says it 4 times). I created a fantasy in my head when he was realistic.
he tried to please me so many times, tried to understand me but all I did was guilt tripping him, criticizing him and making him feel inadequate.
He says I create "peace/conflict, cat/mice, sadistic/masochistic, victim/victimizer" relationships. He has to protect himself from me because he's suffered too much.
He also tells me he dreams about us making love or us dangerously driving a car at high speed on a highway...
He added that he rented a car this summer to visit my region, that he had to do it alone when all he wanted was to do it with me (it was our initial plan and I suspect he came to my hometown to see where my parents work and live, he used to say my dad was the origin of evil in me and that he wanted to come observe him).
He said he wasn't ready to move on or to fall in love again because he didn't feel he could.
The whole time I was reading this email I was thinking to myself "Why is he telling me all these things? Why now?" He went on: I am writing to you because you are back at school now and I'm coming back very soon and it's a strange moment that triggered so many emotions in me....WTF? What he really means to say is that the whole summer, he thought I was going to beg him to spend time with me and I didn't, he knew I was with my family and my friends who, he knows, are very supportive and he knew he didn't stand a chance. Now, I am away from them and back in the place where it all started between us, he thinks I'm vulnerable and it's the ideal time to try to destabilize me.
His last line" Despite all this, I hope you're ok". Again, what makes him think I'm not??
His email truly is all about him, his pain, his love, his hatred, his dreams, his life, his holidays. Not a line about me and how I must feel except that lame line at the end. Nothing. Zero. Nada. How can he think I want to have a conversation with someone who so obviously cares very little about me? He should know me better, he knows how my mind works, he should have been a bit more empathetic to have a chance of reeling me in. He did say " I made some mistakes, don't worry I know". I was blown away. It's all about how toxic the relationship is for HIM. Anyone slightly normal would say "We're not good for EACH OTHER, I wish you the best. Also, it's probably best for the BOTH OF US to not keep contact. Full stop"

I didn't get back to him. I ignored. It didn't last 2 days. He wrote back.
"(insert name) I'm going to be frank and direct. No game, no calculation. Would you accept to see me when I come back to T.?"
That just nailed it. He sent me a long email telling me how crazy and dysfunctional I am and how he needs to protect himself from me and now he wants to see me??? Who is playing the "peace/conflict, cat/mice, sadistic/masochistic, victim/victimizer" game? I didn't get back. I'm not going to. I'm hurt and I still have feelings for him for some fucked up reasons. I dream about him too and long for him sometimes but I will not give in. I know he doesn't love me or respect me. He wants to play but this time I'm not game.