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major crash

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#1 Nov 9 - 6PM
darkspark
darkspark's picture

major crash

I posted about this a few nights ago but think I forgot to choose a forum.

I was contacted the other day by the Narcs primary supply. She is SO VERY in love with him (on her business site, who he is supposed to be 'partners' with her in but contributes nothing) she describes him in the most affectionate and loving terms. "No one appreciates or understands him more than I do", or some similar yuck.

Well she called me to demand to know who I am and how I think I had a claim to him. I thought she was calling me to commiserate, but she was completely stuck in denial still. She SAID she didn't want to embarrass or hurt me but she really really did.

Good GOD I have gone from feeling strong and calm to being a mess in 24 hours. I have been poisoned by the Narc insanity even though I never talked to him. She was STILL fawning over him, even though the STRANGENESS and CONFUSION had been enough that she called the crazy woman to confirm that I actually exist!

She and he together treated me like a lab rat. He lied, she believed and together they ganged up against me to gaslight and mock. And now she has the nerve to tell me I can contact her ANYTIME to talk about my 'problems?'.

He's YOUR problem now chica, not MINE!!! I am so angry that my peace has been shattered. I truly feel like I've taken a million steps backwards.

I'm ANGRY! I get why people who are subjected to constant contact and even proxy contact and F*CKING FURIOUS!!!

Leave me ALONE. I'm sorry that you have been snookered by a con-man, but this is NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE.

Sorry, but I just had to get that out.

Nov 10 - 2PM
darkspark
darkspark's picture

Thanks everyone

I had a permanent scowl on my face up until about an hour ago. Now I'm feeling much more in control. I do have compassion for her, loads of it actually but it was just so insulting. I was just laughing about this - she said "well, I must say that you don't SOUND psychotic. At least you obviously aren't having a psychotic episode RIGHT NOW." Gee thanks for the validation :) It was a very important lesson for me, the sickness that even ambient contact can cause. Simply not worth it. She's going to figure it out. Right now, she's just trying to salvage her pride. Too bad they couldn't have left me with any of mine :P Peace out, sisters.
Nov 10 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Excuse me?

LOL what is this about "not leaving you any of yours"? You never lost a drop of it. Maybe temporarily in your own eyes, but that was before you saw things clearly. The indignity is truly when you were still with him and believing that he loved you. Getting rid of him (howEVER it came about) was the BEGINNING of your true dignity. You just didn't know it yet :) Admit it. You pity her, don't you?
Nov 10 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
darkspark
darkspark's picture

Yeah but

...Admit it. You pity her, don't you... Yes I do pity her - 100% because I would never go back into that hell hole. I know how painful it is to wake up and how difficult it is to claw your way back up to the surface world. BUT, when I was getting D&D'd the first time, Narc got her involved so she could 'protect' him. She admitted that she had participated in some of the head games as she was convinced that I was just some random stalker person. Honestly, I think part of her incredulity came from the realization that I was in actual mental distress and that she had played a part in it. When she wakes up, part of the horror will be knowing that she had been manipulated to do something so cruel. Crap, the scowl is back. :) oooohm. Thanks for the reminder B that my dignity is still intact, and that I am proud of the person I am becoming :)
Nov 9 - 7PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

For anyone that believes

For anyone that believes that all is good with the OW or in Narcland please listen... If all was good, she would have never contacted you. You would not be of any concern nor a threat to her. But she reached out. Those who reach out are in fear. They see a red flag and react in attempts to fix or control a situation. If she is approaching you she sees a red flag. This flag is coming from the Narc not you. If she felt she could trust him then she would have no fear or threatening feelings towards you. But the facts are that she does not trust him. The facts are, the reason she doesn't trust him is because she sees something in him that throws this flag up. And the fact that she has to openly air her gloating feelings of adoration for him on a web site speaks volumes. Those who are content are quiet. There is no need to share with the world what a special life they have with Mr. Wonderful. It just doesn't enter the mind unless they are asked for this information. Be very careful if you see someone acting in this manner. Its a show and a front. Underlying insecurities are at play. Look at the actions not the words. She is attempting to convince him of her loyalty and convince herself that he is not the self-centered, egotistical, cheating narc that he really is. She like all other OWs will get the full picture in the end just the same as you. Step back, avoid contact and let time and karma work it out. This is no longer your life, your problem nor your business. And thank god daily that its not. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?) only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Nov 10 - 7PM (Reply to #5)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Betty is absolutely right.

Betty is absolutely right. You must remember OW has been filled with lies about you that she is only beginning to see within her life of fiction. By contacting you, you can bet her happy life of fiction is having a rude awakening. You have just been given the gift of knowledge that all is not perfect in narc land. Enjoy it, after the shock wears off. almostlydia

almostlydia

Nov 9 - 6PM
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Wow, you have a lot of

Wow, you have a lot of patience, politeness or Christian understanding! I would have hung up on her immediately.
Nov 9 - 6PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

LOL

"My biggest problem is yours, now. Call me when YOU need some validation, you're going to need it." Alas, but she does have a long way to fall. It's so sick, and sad, that "winning" this asswipe away from you gives her such a sense of entitlement. Maybe Narcs exist to teach women that they don't have to have a man to be a "real woman". That must be why they haven't gone extinct yet, there's still too many women out there who have to become Mrs Him.
Nov 10 - 3AM (Reply to #2)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

lol@

My biggest problem is yours, now. Call me when YOU need some validation, you're going to need it." ha! Truth to the highest power, I remember when Ns mom said those same words to me, minus the validation part, I lol@her as I had no CLUE why she said it at the time, I know now...in the worst way. Sounds like OW is as insecure as Narcbot that won't last long, ultimately she will "need" him, he won't be there, going to be a rude awakening, I would have pity on her but since she's being immature about the situation not looking to see that the horrible things he has said and done about one woman will repeat itself with her, she will become just another "bipolar" throw away.

stay~strong