Made it a week NC!

And about the only good thing is I get to say "week" and not another single digit number.

But truthfully, I am amazed. This time was bad. I had to change all of my behaviors almost instantly and it was scarey and hard.

Here's my confession of the day: in the past, when people would say block him block him, i would agree and cry and tell my sob oh woez me story, and not block him. Or block him but leave some things open. Or block him and unblock him. Or block him and unblock him and egg him on a bit. So... I needed that contact. I don't know why. The ST would kill me. It was like I needed to be able to explain or make him understand, all the while people tellng me - he doesn't understand, he will never understand, he does not think the way you think!

I lived in the "what I wished it would be" for so so long. I am very sad I did that.

I lived in the "no way, that is not REALLY happening so I am just not going to think about it or talk about it" for so so long. I am very sad I did that.

He took alot from me, some of it I willing handed over, thinking....always thinking... it will be different and better NOW.

I sometimes think it's cheating if I have all this stuff blocked, cuz I'm not giving him a means to get at me... I forget.. that's the point.. duh... to protect ME and take care of ME!

one week, starting on day 8
round3