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Mad as Hell

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#1 May 10 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Mad as Hell

I don't know guys, Today Im mad as Hell. Even more angry than usual,:)I think Never Look Back has hit a sore spot in regards to the love of a father.

I have an amazing dad, He's 80 this year so he wont be around forever. He has always been an example of what a man and father should be. Even my friends remember what a great guy he was to put up with us as kids to teenagers. (he put up with a lot). We can still laugh about it today.

He was there for round one with my Narc, He gave me a shoulder to cry on, a man who would always fix things, he couldn't fix this. I remember him telling me "pretend he is dead" Wise words, He's not a scientist, a doctor, a lawyer, he's just my dad.

When I got back with Narc he used my love for my father and exploited it. How dare he?

As for D40 (love you D) and her forgiveness, Screw him, He has tortured me for many years and God knows how many others.

NLB is such a kind wonderful woman you all are. NLB her pain is so familiar, WTF? WHy do we have to go NC and suck this shit up?

Charles Mason (my new avatar) is a reminder to all of us what a head is, What a sick minds our Narcs have. To all new members mourn the dead, but never forget the pain they have put us through.

May we one day be blessed with a man like my dad, whether a lover or a friend, amazing men are out there. Let this be a lesson to all of us and Never fall for a Man In the Mirror again.

I hope I made my point. I suck and writing and typing :)

Love you Guys,
Hunter

May 11 - 9AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Hunter, you don't

suck at ANYTHING. This is a great post. You help all of us. The disordered one I was involved with feared my relationship with my family--especially my OUTSTANDING FATHER--because he knew they made me strong. He tried to keep me from them, but in the end could not. My family always comes first...thus the D & D. WHATEVER. I kept the disordered one from my family mostly. Only took him to functions twice in the six years. I did not want them to know what I had gotten into. What I had become: confused, cowering, weak, scared, insecure, a shadow of my former self. Only my sister knew the truth and tried her best in many ways to help and encourage me to get out. I am now beginning to realize the gift my dad gave me through his suffering and dying. It got me out of hell and on the path to health and happiness. I hope he knows this. Hunter, love your new avatar. Love your outlook and your honesty and you! This is a great day and there are many more to follow for all of us. Love and light to all from (not) spinning!!!! AND IT FEELS GREAT!!

spinning

May 10 - 10PM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

Hi

Mine also exploited and capitalized on the relationship I had with my father, he knew I ADORED my father and quite often would call me MY DEAR as my father did, Really Hunter stop for a minute and compare the two men, are you laughing now? Need I say more? Our father were REAL MEN, men of character, worth, wisdom, truth, I tell myself to imagine my father going around doing what this man did and I cant even imagine it because my dad was such a kind soul my father was soooo kind he would say, Geez so and so can I help you find a good psychiatrist to help you and he would mean it too with sincerity. Let us remember and think of the good men that are in the world whether its our fathers, or whoever, its high time we were in the company of men that are worthy of us.
May 10 - 10PM
kgirl
kgirl's picture

You made your point Hunter

You made your point Hunter :) Your Dad sounds amazing...I always wished I had a father like that! I too get overwhelmed by the pain and sadness of such beautiful people on this board. I just want to hug everyone, pick them up, dust them off and wrap them in peace! I guess we can do that here verbally :) Love you right back girl! ~KG
May 10 - 9PM
Steph
Steph's picture

Your dad sounds like a real

Your dad sounds like a real class act:) "May we one day be blessed with a man like my dad, whether a lover or a friend, amazing men are out there. Let this be a lesson to all of us and Never fall for a Man In the Mirror again." Very well said:) you certainly do not suck at writing.
May 10 - 8PM
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

My Dad was amazing

Amazing Dad too. he was so kind, generous, loving and was a wonderful husband to my Mom. He adored her and he told her everyday she was beautiful and he loved her. Passed away 1 year before I met ex N. Why oh why did i marry a verbally abusive man, divorced him after 16 years and then get into a relationship with a N? of course I thought he was the best man ever, i compared him to my Dad in the beginning..ugh..thought I was the luckiest woman to have found my soulmate....until the mask came off. i just hope the next serious relationship will be with a normal, loving, kind generous man. If there are any out there..i do believe there are some?? somewhere???
May 10 - 8PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I had an amazing Dad too. It

I had an amazing Dad too. It seems alot of us have. My Dad became terminally ill about about 18 months after the final split and only 4 months after the last time I saw Narc. My Dad too knew how much I loved him and had a few conversations with him about all of the drama in our relationship. All of it was so traumatic for me. In the middle of all of that I met my husaband and married him. No wonder Im wacked out all of that happening in about a 2 year time frame.
May 10 - 7PM
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

thanks hunter for the

thanks hunter for the encouragement just like you i've been pissed too. something happened today that made me feel like we need to really let this go though. i ran into an old friend's mom today. i asked how was she and she is doing okay now but after being with a narc suffered a mental breakdown, has to take medication for schizophrenia, and hasn't been the same since. when i heard this it touched my heart because she was nothing but a nice girl in the past. her mother says she is functional but she hears things and sees things smh . how cruel for a emotional soul sucker to take someone's spirit like that. thats when i realized its no need to feel jealousy of this OW, its no need to hold this anger towards this guy because me losing my mind is not worth this. i'm meaning what i say and saying what i mean NC forever as far as i'm concerned.
May 10 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Findngmeagain

I cant believe these freaks hurt so many people. Im a tuff little cookie, Some of us here are not as strong. They wear their heart on their sleeve. It breaks my heart.There are so many things to be happy about, This sadness, I agree is not worth it. I think the first experience with my turd had made me Hard.Sometimes I cant believe that guy from so long ago turned into a monster. Hunter
May 11 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
dabussard
dabussard's picture

Hunter

I am one of those girls that wears her heart on her sleeve. I told my n this too and he asked me what does that mean. I mean really, i should have ran that very day. When I explained it to him, he smiled. I then said please don't hurt me. He said I will try not to..Four months later I am D&D by him. I am working on being a tuff little cookie. Hunter, you are wonderful, hope to keep learning from you.
May 10 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

yeah i consider myself strong

yeah i consider myself strong too but i'm the type that if you push certain buttons with me i will break down. using another woman is one of them. the first time i was with my narc he had treated me so bad that i didn't want him anymore. now that i look back he tried several times to get me back. but he used another woman to push certain buttons and hence he knows my "secret". so he knew that cheating on me , dumping me , and using another woman was my weakness and he did it out of spite. my main objective now is how to stop having this weakness for future relationships. as for him its over , done , he doesn't exist to me anymore and we've got children together oh well whatever. my lips are sealed when it comes to him i have no words , no stares, glances , nothing. he disgusts me .