Lying

I am very glad I found a place I can come to and bare all. I never felt so free to with him. Anyway, that being said...

I know we've heard all narcs are pathological liars. I know it's true for most, but my ex was not much of a liar, in fact he was so proud of being honest about things (aside from things dealing with other women) that he often used it against me because nflrtunately I picked up a bad habit of compulsively lying to avoid his rage and hatred :(

I don't feel proud to admit that, but it's true. I would lie about going out with friends even some times because if he knew I chose to be with them over him on days when he wanted all my time, he'd be angry. I lied about taking a nap because he said I slept too much. I did take frequent naps because I worked full time and kept the house and then he wanted all my time on top of it and that mixed with the kid's therapy was becoming exhausting.

I want a relationship where there can be honesty and we don't have to tip toe around each other, or lie out of fear. I have been so riddled with guilt over feeling like I had to lie to hm sometimes just to catch a break. I know it was wrong, but his honesty made it even harder. It made me question if I wasn't the narc.

Anyone else feel this way?