LUCK2012's Story

I'm stuck in an obsessive mind about him and its killing me, any support would help.

Will he be the same in his next relationship?

Its 5 months on from my Ex of 3.5 years finishing our relationship… I still have mornings where I wake up and feel sick that its over and that someone else gets to be with him? Why is this?

We moved down to the coast in April – to try living/working there for 3 months- then he had landed a job in America – that we were both able to go to. Suddenly in May this job offer fell through…. Ive never seen him so deflated… he started reading business success books and bioghraphy’s of rich famous people…. I felt so empty that he just showed nothing towards us- it was all based on how to make money.

He then landed a job in a hotel – where the money was high – I started to see him less and less- to the point of spending days on my own and getting into bed on my own – I slowly heard less and less from him…

I had to be honest and tell him I was finding it really hard- I think most girls would? He sympathised and said u know I wanna bring us in money – if we were to have a family etc we would need money, this is my job..

Anyhow about 3 weeks of working at this hotel – I noticed a massive change in that he had become very aware of the way he looked, he started to buy new clothes and completely pulled away from me? I started to feel so so insecure it was driving me crazy – I did everything I could to please him – I started doing his dinner for when he got home, I made sure I did all his washing,,, sometimes he even just asked wheres my shirt….
One night we were out and he was just so distant with me- he went off and started talking to some random guy and just left me standing there… he then comes over and I explained how it was unfair that he just left me there-some how it got onto he doesn’t like the way I talk to my family?

He then said ‘ I OFFER SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO EVERY GUY IN THIS ROOM’
Well that line totally threw me and feel like I believe it? Is this something a Narcisst would say?

It was then he said he felt we were drifting apart – he said maybe I wasn’t independent enough – this made me choke as I have always been so independent. He said he feels like I’m so uptight and hes not? These things really hurt to hear.
He was like lets give it a bit of time and hopefully we can make things work but something needs to change. At this point I felt so physically sick I didn’t want to put a foot wrong – I was stepping back and then showing how I cared with a card saying hope we can sail through this together… but his response was dead.

He started to become very distant – to the point I was becoming really paranoid- he wouldn’t let me see things he was looking up online… he wouldn’t commit to anything I suggested for down the line??

The bomb came- about 3 weeks after he said all this, also once my parents and brother had visited – he drove me to a car park in MY CAR– crying – he said I don’t see us having a future together, I felt like I had been stabbed. I just went numb,,, I cant describe the feeling,,, I said I have never ever put u under pressure and I feel like I have bought u out as a person… he agreed and said he didn’t feel he could commit to a relationship and maybe he was being selfish but there are lots of things he wants to do… I really didn’t know how to react. I said I need to speak to Becca who was a mutual friend we had made down there through his work – he jumped on defence and said NO I don’t want u talkin to her? So I refrained from doing so at the time. I got out the car and felt so so so sick.

I returned home to see him sitting there with a beer in his hand – completely normal,,,, he said shal we get a pizza/dvd/- I didn’t know how to react so I agreed and he was like well ive been drinking so I cant get it… so he said if I go and he’d pay… god wat was I thinking I went!! Balling my eyes out – came back with the pizza- he demolished all of it. ..
I felt so sick- to the point of not feeling like I could move….
He text me while he was at work saying – I think u may have a stomach bug as one of the girls at work is off with it too!!!???? ERRRRRR HELLOOOO---- u have just broken my heart. I couldn’t bring myself to react at all – I think shock came into play.
I begged him so much to see if we could have a break and try properly again – he said ok but we go 2 weeks without putting any pressure on one another and do whatever we wanna do….
About two days later he didn’t return till about 5am – I felt so so sick – he came in just normal.
I expressed how I couldn’t live like this anymore it was killing me.
He suggested that I could stay in the flat (that I found) as long as I like!!! I took about 3 days out staying in a B and B to try and clear my head – at this point I actually felt suicidal – he sent the odd text saying hope u are ok!
I found some strength and came back to the flat to tell him he would need to move out. It killed me but why should I have to find new accommodation.
He was shocked – and then just left to go to beers with his friend. He started to become very rude through text – telling me when he’d be coming to the flat etc.
Sometimes he came when I wasn’t there and just took what he needed but left other stuff there.
It was heart breaking.
We weren’t meant to do a ski season together this winter – which I organised 100% - I decided to tell them that I wouldn’t be going anymore- thinking he would also have the decency to not as we were meant to do it together. Turns out he commits to doing it – I said to him don’t u think that’s a little unfair – they are my contacts and we were meant to go together- he said I didn’t really look at it like that.
I saw him out a couple of times in the town we both were – the first time he said to me – don’t u think this is weird to see each other only now (few months in)
………he then goes on to say – I miss your mum but I don’t miss you…!? This broke my heart. He also quite patronisingly said ‘do u actually go out!? And I hope you’re actually happy…. Then I was talking to another guy before he came over and he looked at him and laughed and says to me ‘who’s that’ …
I felt so numb… the other occasions I saw him- I just had to walk away he was always surrounded by a girl from his work and his friends wife which I also heard they all stay together a lot. I felt so so sick..
I was going through patches of being ok but then recently I feel sick/dead because he is now on that ski season and it kills me – he is doing it with two chalet girls that I feel sick about as I can imagine he being with one of them…
Before he left he text me about a week ago now) (having not heard anything from him in about a month) he text saying I hope all goes well for u – I hope u know I think your an amazing person. All the best.

This killed me – I keep asking why did he send this?
I want to erase images of him living happily ever after – why do I keep thinking hes gonna have the best life and I’m not?
………………….Will he be the same with the next person?
Why am I still obsessed with him?

He never used to do any activities and then I took him to so many different places and now he gets everything from it?
If anyone can help me or feel they need more information on our relationship or break up… it would be much appreciated… I feel so empty like he is the winner?