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At a low..

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#1 Dec 18 - 5PM
anquilla
anquilla's picture

At a low..

I'm into 3 weeks NC. The last few days I've been feeling strange and just upset.

The first two weeks on NC he contacted me a few times. The very last bit of contact I got from him was a message saying he really missed me.

His mate tried calling me for a few days and I picked up his call. Long story short, there was nothing to the call except him telling me how upset the exN is currently and I told him that it's not on my business, and OW should be the one there for him now. His friend told me he would have a talk to exN about things as exN seems to be talking about me only and not about OW (a case of wants what he hasn't currently got?) and he would give me a call later in the week.

As soon as I speak to the friend, exN stops all forms of communication with me. His friend called me back on Friday and I ignored it and msged me on Saturday asking when I am free to talk. I have not responded to the friend.

After exN stopped contacting me, I felt like he was only contacting me till he got a response or maybe he is comfortable knowing that the friend will contact me anyway so he doesn't need to? Either way, this has just been eating at me for a few days.

Is he really ''happy'' with the OW now and thats why he's stopped contacting me ? or is this some other game to get me thinking about him?

argh!

Dec 18 - 6PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Triangle City, and the Narcs

Triangle City, and the Narcs love the attenion opportunities in a triange, two for one. It's all about him times two. And he has the ow and his buddy, all about him times two again. And if you stay around this shit it might become you and him and the ow, and then it is all about him times two again. Thats like 2x2x2. Or if you go nc right now, cut him, his friend, and the ow off immediately...you will be a winner times 8. No more trauma. No more drama. No more bullshit from a professional bullshitter. The benefits are endless. Ask any member who finally went and stayed nc...I think we all agree if we had done it sooner the healing would have come sooner. Hindsight says contact equals wasting time that could be spent learning how to have a valuable life post narc. Hindsight says your relationship is over except for any dancing of death that you may need to do. I have heard of no cases of any of us going back and it being great, good, ok, or even barely acceptable. They don't stop reporting here because life gets good with the narc, they stop posting out of embarrassment and shame. And those of us (me included), in the class who tried again to reconcile know of the shame and embarrassment. It gets shitty in about half an hour. And stays that way. Long story short for you...pray he stays happy with her long enough for you to find yourself, get unlost, and realize fully that him being gone for good is the best thing that ever happened to you. ds
Dec 18 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
Layla
Layla's picture

Amen ds, Amen.

I am at 6 months NC now.....I will be one of the forum members that never, ever allow the disordered one back into my life because before I found this amazing place, I took the clown back 5 separate times, and it NEVER got better, he NEVER changed and in fact, things GOT WORSE. I am so thankful for this forum, and the mods, and all who enter this safe place of learning, sharing and understanding. love~ Layla
Dec 18 - 6PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Triangulation................

Triangulation...................... Read as much as you can on this topic. Steer clear of both of them. They do not have your best interest at heart here. Only their own. Both of them............seriously, think about it, why would this "friend" spend a mintue getting involved unless there was something in it for him? Stay away from BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!
Dec 18 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
anquilla
anquilla's picture

Okay, I shall read more on

Okay, I shall read more on triangulation.I'm trying to physically steer clear of it all. Emotionally, its so much harder. I thought the only logical reason for his friend to get involved was because exN helped the friend when he had immigration issues. Repaying the favour? Whatever it is, yeah, I need to stay away from them.. sometimes its not not knowing what he wanted to say that makes me want to dial the number. Need to keep myself busy today.
Dec 18 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

If he's happy with OW .. Why

If he's happy with OW .. Why is his friend bothering you? He's using his friend as well. You are doing great don't contact any of them.. They all deserve one another .. He's a head case. Hunter
Dec 18 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
faith_
faith_'s picture

yes, anquilla, you're doing

yes, anquilla, you're doing great. keep moving forward with this knowledge...obviously his friend is reporting to him, and it's all about him.
Dec 18 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
anquilla
anquilla's picture

Thanks Hunter. To be honest

Thanks Hunter. To be honest I thought maybe the friend was getting back to me cause he said he would call me in a few days. Sometimes I feel like its better for me to not have that confirmation call from his friend saying yeah he (narc) loves her. I also think maybe my healing would be better and easier if I knew for sure? I am going to resist calling the friend back. If the mate really has something to say to me, that I might want to hear, he'd call me again. You're right. He probably is using the friend too.
Dec 18 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
lana22
lana22's picture

He is not happy with the OW.

He is not happy with the OW. If they are so happy then why is your name even coming out of his mouth? Don't talk to his or your so called mutual friends. Once you cut them all off and go NC completely, he is once again trying to find out what is going on with your life. It's about control! Once he is bored with OW and has heard nothing about you, he's back to trying to fuck with you again. So predictable these assholes. It's a game so let him play it alone! You deserve better. We all do!
Dec 18 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
anquilla
anquilla's picture

Probably looking for some

Probably looking for some supply. That's true. If a man is truly happy in a relationship, they work on that relationship. People dont waste time on others if they are happy. It is a game. Every move seems to be so calculated. It's chess. Actually, he is a good chess player.