Love to fly
Love to fly
Thank you for taking several minutes to read my story. I apologize for its length, but I hope it sets the stage for you. I’ve had difficulty at times completing it because it brings back so many memories. I am learning so much on this web site and forum about her behavior and my path forward.
I saw her incredible smile on match.com. She only had one photo and that was all I needed! She met all my got-to-have particulars that I am looking for in a long term relationship leading to marriage. The most important was her Christian faith. I could tell it was as important to her as it was me in her profile story. I was 55 when I met her and she was 45. Most people would say we look like we’re 45 and 35. In fact in some photos with her 27 year old daughter they look like they’re sisters!
She agreed to meet me a few days later after work for a coffee or tea at a local cafe. She was even more lovely in person than her photo. We had a great conversation for about an hour an a half. She was up front with me that one of her boys that was living at home had been diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was a teenager in high school. She told me the incredible story about how long it took to determine his diagnosis and the savings her and her now ex husband had to spend to find out what was wrong. He’s 21 now and they’ve found the medication it takes for his sickness. After we started dating I met and interacted with him numerous times. He’s a fine young man that acts like about a 16 year old because of the medication. It makes him kind of lethargic, but he’s a fine young man and we got along great.
I had to fly a trip the next day and was gone for not quite a week. During that time W (her name starts with W so I’ll use that in my story) and I exchanged numerous texts and all kinds of things. She wanted to know about my family, how I would raise and discipline kids, and how I was raised.
I was 55 when I met her and she was 45. Most people would say we look like we’re 45 and 35 (I thank my folks and I try and take care of myself). In fact in some photos with W and her 27 year old daughter they look like they’re sisters!
I must say I am blessed with the greatest parents ever. Mom and Dad will celebrate their 62nd anniversary this month! My sister and my brother-in-law sill celebrate their 30th anniversary in December. Well, then there’s me. I was married for about 4 and a half years near the end of my Air Force career. We didn’t have any kids and when I wanted to leave the Air Force and continuing flying as an airline pilot that didn’t sit well with my ex wife. I’ve been divorced since 1994. I took quite a few years off before getting into any relationships. I had a few long term relationships, but they didn’t pan out. Some they ended with me and I ended some. Nothing, and I mean nothing what I experienced with W though.
I’ve been able to fly ever since I graduated with a BS in Mechanical Engineering and was commissioned in the USAF. I managed to earn a MS in Mechanical Engineering when I was in the service. I got to fly fighters and now I fly all over the world for one of the largest US airlines. W graduated with honors here where we live and she’s a pediatric dental hygienist. She’s got three kids, 27 year old married daughter, 21 year old with the illness, and a 14 year old boy. Their great boys. I never met her daughter, because she live out of town, but we exchanged texts this last time W and I were dating.
Here’s W’s background because I think it is very important. She’s from a large city in the midwest. She moved from project to project. Her Mom was married 5 or 6 times. W is not sure. Sometimes she would divorce the men and sometimes the men would just abandon them. They were beyond poor. Several of the men her Mom was married to sexually abused her. None of them were ever brought to justice for their despicable acts. W and her brother were eventually given up for adoption when she was a young teen. She told me she had older foster parents take her and they moved to the southwest where we both live. She was separated from her brother. The last three years of high school had these foster parents. She said they were very good to her. W said she only had one boyfriend before she met her ex husband. That was back in the midwest city and he was shot and murdered by his brother.
i feel like I want to cry while I’m writing this. I still miss her very much. I can’t help it, but I still love her.
Anyway, W said that she was working with her foster father after she had graduated from high school and a young man kept asking her out at the store. She finally said yes and they were married four months later. W said she always wanted a large family. She had her daughter when she was 19. She graduated with honors and became a dental hygienist, while also raising a baby. As far as I know her ex husband worked hard and always provided for them.
On our second date we went hiking on a popular mountain here in our city. W told me that the last ten years or so of her marriage she lived in her daughter’s bedroom. She said that when they went on a vacation as a family her and him did separate things. She said the last child was an accident and a blessing of course. She said they weren’t even really having relations, but that it happened on a vacation when they were both a little tipsy.
W and I had a wonderful time. This was the spring of 2012. She had introduced me to her boys at her home. She was a great Mom, good finances, and we enjoyed worshipping at my church and sometimes at hers. Our chemistry was off the charts. In fact it was always off the charts! I cooked dinner at my house a few weeks after we started dating and that was the first time we had sex. I know, we probably shouldn’t of done that since we both are Christians, but it happened. Then, it continued quite a bit after that. Every time was more incredible than the previous. It was that way the entire time I knew W.
I believe W had been divorced maybe two years before I met her. She told me early on in our dating that she had been engaged before I met her. We met at the end of Mar 2012. Her ex fiancé and her were shacking up in the house she was living in now for about six months and engaged. She said now she knew it was wrong and even her daughter was saying “Mom, what are you doing? You wouldn’t approve of that if it was me?” Anyway she said about six months into their engagement they were praying at the dinner table and she looked up and saw her ex fiancé was not praying. When she asked him about it he said he didn’t believe in God. W said that she thought about it and soon thereafter she said she needed to break up with him.
She said he dragged his heels about leaving and it took about 3 months before he left around Dec 2011. He also had a 14 year old son that lived with him part time and her son and him became good friends during that time. The two boys continued to see each other after their break up. She said that each of them took turns driving their sons to the other’s place for play dates.
I remember on a early weekend date on time she replied on her phone. She told me my ex still wants to get back with me as she shook her head in disgust. I said “your ex fiancé?” She said yes. It didn’t bother me at all. I was with her.
We had plans for a weekend getaway coming up and then out of nowhere W said she was too busy for a relationship. She told me this via a text. I was very confused, but I played it cool. I said I was disappointed, but that if that’s her decision then I respect that. I said you know how I feel about you so you know how to get hold of me if you change your mind.
I left her alone and in no contact for a month. Her birthday was about a month since she broke it off so I texted her. She replied with a photo of her by a new used SUV she got. I sent her a photo of her and I together from an earlier dinner date. She loved that photo and said so. Over the next few months we exchanged texts and photos and met a few times for lunches during her lunch break from work. I always wanted more, but that was all she was allowing. Early in the fall one lunch she told me she bought a new bigger house very close to her ex husband so the logistics of exchanging the boys each week would be much easier.
During the summer and fall of 2012 whenever we would meet she would greet me with a big smile and a kiss like we were dating. When we would say good bye she would let me kiss her and every time the kisses were passionate. We each could feel the electricity between us and she would just melt. I was always confused about what was happening. If we had that much attraction for each other why weren’t we really dating again?
During that fall on several occasions I got her to agree to come over to my house for dinner and to talk. I wanted to reestablish our dating relationship. Every time she came over before the front door was even shut she would start tearing my clothes off and we would start going at it on the floor and then end up in the bedroom. It was incredible passionate sex. I’d cook us dinner and she’d leave without us ever talking. During the summer and fall of 2012 she would meet me at my church to worship also. We both love the non denominational contemporary praise and worship style that my and her church offers. She likes our services better though, but it’s a drive for her.
We would continue to exchange texts and photos every so often during this time even though we weren’t really a couple. Sometimes initiated by me and sometimes by her. She’d always say how handsome I was.
She had agreed to go with me for a day and a half to a nearby city where there was a large century ride bike race. I’ve been into road cycling for about 9 years now and just love it. She was going to watch me race. She said she had to cancel about two weeks prior because she was too busy with selling her home and all. Once again when we had plans to do something she would back out. In late Nov 2012 we had a dinner out planned and hopefully we would talk. She said she would have to cancel because she is reestablishing her relationship with her ex. She said he lent her some money and she would feel uncomfortable going out to dinner with me. I once again let her know I was disappointed, but played it cool and didn’t beg for her not to leave. I did ask which ex are you talking about? She said her ex fiancé.
Well, I left her alone again and didn’t chase. I had already gotten her a spa day gift and the boys something. I sent them to her home for Christmas. She thanked me. We exchanged Christmas greeting texts. We got together for a nice New Years dinner. She spent the night at my house and of course we had over the top sex. I didn’t ask, but it seemed she was not with her ex fiancé again.
She let me see her a little bit more as 2013 started for lunches and some meet ups at church for worshipping together. Still we had never really talked about our relationship. I suppose that was my fault for not saying, stop, we need to talk before we head for the bedroom. I remember one time in early 2013 she was running a chore during a week day after work near where I live. She asked what I was doing and if she could come over. She came over and you guessed it dragged me to the bedroom. I didn’t argue. She had to head back home, and of course we didn’t talk. It was always fantastic. All we had to do was start to kiss and it would be game over!
From early April 2013 through July 2013 I didn’t get to see W as much as I wanted. She became more busy and when we would have lunches planned she would become too busy. We did exchange texts and photos though, but not as much. Then out of no where in mid July 2013 when I was cleaning up from a previous Sunday service at my church I looked up and their she was looking drop dead gorgeous. She said she texted me earlier and asked if I was going to be there for the 1155 service. I had my phone in airplane mode because I was DVRing the Open Championship and didn’t want to know the outcome until I got home and watched it.
She kissed me. We worshipped together and she squeezed my hand tightly during the service. She rested her head on my shoulder and we put our arms around each other. It was like we had been a loving couple the whole time. I ate it up and felt like the luckiest man on the earth. She was returning to me! Hopefully for real after leaving her alone to miss me! I walked her to her SUV and we engaged in small talk. She was now in her new home and was excited. She had been living in a little apartment for most of the Spring and it was hard with two boys and a crazy dog. I kissed her and it was magical like it was every time. She sighed and said “oh, I miss your kisses so much.” I said well let’s not be strangers again for 2 to 3 months. She had to run an errand. I texted her later that afternoon and said it was great to worship with her. I didn’t hear from her.
In fact the rest of the summer the texts were a little more infrequent. After Labor Day weekend I received some forwarded email from W. It was some advertisement. I texted her about it and she laughed. Suddenly we started exchanging texts and many photos. She sent me photos from a beach visit she took with her 21 year old son. She had a lovely figure before, but she had lost some weight and looked fantastic!! She sent me several bikini photos and some selfie close ups. They were very sexy photos. She agreed to meet me to finally talk. We were going to set it up after the next weekend. I texted her on a Monday to set up out time to get together to talk. She took her time to respond and then said she was going to take her life in a different direction. She said we never got started on the right track and wished me luck again.
I was devastated. I sent her text saying I was disappointed. I told her I really care for her and that I’m going to heal and move on and wish her the best.
Three weeks later I received a lengthy text from W saying it was wrong for her to meet with me. I was sleeping because I had been night flying. 3 hours later she sent me another text saying she had strong feelings for me and that it was all her fault for the way things ended. She indicated she really wanted to get together. So later that evening I said it sounds like you want to get together for a dinner and talk. She responded back immediately “yes, I would love that!” So I said I said we could set something up when she’s free the next week when I return from my trip.
We got together. This was near the end of September. She did a lot of talking about her previous actions, and we actually started dating like a real couple!! She invited me over to her home and showed me her new large home. I felt like she was really letting me into her life for the first time in almost a year and a half! We went to the zoo, the movies, we went to my church with her boys and brunch afterward. I was so happy. We took lots of couple photos together. It was nice.
We went to her church with her boys. She got up early in the morning to meet me halve way during a local cycling race. Wow. She really was my girlfriend! I’d meet her for lunches during her work day lunch hour when I could. We made plans for her to join me in the century ride in a nearby city the third Sat of Nov 2013. The same race she backed out of the year prior.
After the ride where she got up early to meet me with fresh water bottles she actually talked to my folks on the phone. I was putting my bike in her car and handed the phone to her since I was talking to my Dad and said talk to my Dad. She loved talking with him and my folks were so impressed.
When we started dating this time she told me I could call or text whenever I wanted!!
Now, I was over at her home quite often to pick her for real dates. When we talked about vacations she let me know she wanted a destination wedding to Hawaii since she had never been there when that arrived
I don’t think we even had sex during this period. I wanted to emphasize building a real relationship not based on just our physical chemistry. Of course we had that. I think it’s because when I was over at her home her boys where there or something like that. We always made out like teenagers, but I think we both wanted to build on something really different.
Then, out of nowhere. Six to seven weeks into us really dating like a couple again she texted that she needs to spend more time with her family and friends. She said she didn’t know when we would have time to get together in the near future. I was very, very confused! I texted that I suggested when she’s off work that we should talk in person this time. If she needs more time for things I can understand that.
I drove over to her home. It was just after dinner time. Her 21 year old son was in the courtyard. I asked if his Mom was home. He said no. He said she told him she would be gone for the night, and to not expect her home until after work the next day. I asked if he knew where she went. He replied no. So, W told me I could call or text anytime. So I called. She answered the phone and then must of realized it was me and hung up. So I called again and it went to voicemail. I said that I came over to talk and it appears you are gone for the evening.
She texted and said she was on the phone with her daughter and she called as soon as she could. Well, 45 minutes went by and no return phone call. So I called again and left a pretty scathing message. I just knew she was over at some guy’s house. I texted and said I find it interesting you need to spend more time with friends and family and don’t have any time for us, but you have time to have sex with some guy and spend the night with him. I didn’t know for sure, but my guy told me.
Sure enough I got some texts from her saying to stop being all crazy. She said she is at her ex’s (ex fiancé) and that they were praying. I’m supposed to believe that? Well, what about no time for us? She said she wasn’t with him while she was dating me. Which is probably true since I was with her most of the time. I guess she figured she ended with me in the afternoon then it was ok to go over to his house that evening. What? She texted that we are not a match. I texted that she’s going to need praying for all her lying. I texted that I did not appreciate being lied to, I’m moving on, and good luck.
I was furious. I didn’t want anything to do with W anymore. Well about a month a half later I received a text from her that said, “You probably don’t want to hear from me and I don’t blame you if you do, but I am praying for you, your father, and your family.” She knew my Dad is battling an illness. I replied that evening, “Thank you for the prayers, W.”
I was on a long layover over Christmas and I received a text from W that wished me Merry Christmas. I was overseas and a half a day ahead. I didn’t receive the message for a while until I hooked my iPhone up to wi-fi. I replied back about a day later, “Merry Christmas from down under. It’s the 26th here and I just spent the day at the beach.” She replied back that I deserved that and to have a great time. I thanked her.
I might have heard from her again, but I know I sent a Mickey and Minnie Mouse Valentine’s Day cartoon text like I had the previous year. She replied back right away wishing me the same. A few days later I sent a text saying it would be a shame to throw away our friendship so I suggested we maybe get together for a lunch. She replied back instantly they she would love that! So I said when I get back from an upcoming trip we’d set something up.
Well, shortly thereafter she started sending pages and pages of texts. She asked if it was ok for her to share all this that was on her chest with me before we meet for lunch. She said her ex was involved in some Chinese soul healing thing. It was called Master and Dr Sha’s Healing. She said it definitely wasn’t Christian and it was kind of like witchcraft and all. She went on and on. She said she she felt so bad moving away from Christianity. She said she wasn’t even going to church and all. She said she finally ran away from him and that cult like spiritual healing stuff. Well, I just let her spill out everything. I said thanks for sharing that with me.
We met for a Sat lunch about a week later. She came up to me and greeted me with a smile and a kiss like she always did no matter if we were dating or not. We sat next to each other, we held hands, and she started talking. She said it was all her fault. She said it was her that never allowed our relationship to really grow except for the sexual part. She said she thought how I was always the gentleman no matter how poorly she treated me. She said that I was so amazing in that regard, and that most men that had been put in the situations she had me would not even agree to meet her. She was right, but I continued to listen! She was basically asking me if I would like to try to start a real relationship not just based on our sexual exploits.
I said ok, but we are starting a brand new relationship right here and now. Only moving forward, and not based on the past. We had such a wonderful afternoon! Well, she really started with the “love-bombing.” I only know of that now because of my research. You know. Texts every 2 hours telling me how much she misses me. She would text me and say to come over now because she misses me. Within the first 2 days she gave me her garage door opener and key to her house! She said you are welcome to come over whenever you like!
Even before we met for our Saturday lunch she sent me a couple of selfies of her. In one of them she was wearing a very racy lingerie outfit on her bed. Whoa! Hot! She knew what I liked!
She texted me saying she was having problems hanging a picture. I said I’d help. She knew exactly what to do and say. She knows I love to fix things around the house and I’m good at it. I brought my tools and I was off and running. Her water softener had been put in wrong and I fixed that the next day. She had me stay the night since the boys were with their Dad’s and we picked up right where we left off with the sex. Yes, better every time. We were like gasoline and a match. I worked on projects the next morning around her house while she went to work. I enjoyed making her morning coffee when she got ready for work. I walked the dog.
I was so in love with W. I could easily see myself getting engaged to her in about 6 months and then married with in another 6 months. I’d sell my house and we would be a happy loving family. Things could not have been better!! This was the beginning of Mar 2014 now. She told me of all her vacation days in the spring and summer. I was at her house every night to either take her to dinner after she fed the boys, or to spend the night.
I also remember very early in March W said that there was a weekend contemporary Christian music festival in Prescott on June 20-22, and for me to keep that weekend open! I said you got it. Sounds like fun!
I wanted to take her to a Cactus League Spring Training game here were we live. She drove over late in the morning since they’re all afternoon games. She brought me a present! I think the first since I’d know her. It was one of those old style radios on the outside that could play CDs and the radio. Very nice of her. She dressed up in our team’s hat and jersey which is not like her, but I could tell she was doing it for me. Nice. We had a great time! She grabbed my iPhone at the ballgame and started taking selfies of her and I and we had people take our photos with her and mine iPhones.
She asked if do anything on my Facebook. I said I had signed up a couple of years ago for info on a cycling race, but that was it. Well, she started putting the photos of us together on my Facebook page. She put a pic of us together as my cover photo. I didn’t know anything about Facebook, but she was an expert. She put photos of us together up on her page also. She said you know, “you are the first man that I have ever put on my Facebook.”
I was having so much fun and just eating this up. She showed me how to do Facebook stuff when we got back to the car. Early she had sent me a friend request, and of course I replied. I really didn’t even know what that was but I knew I wanted to say yes to my W. Then she says you better watch out, or you’ll end up changing your Facebook relationship status. I wasn’t really sure what that was.
We then went shopping for some bikini stuff for her. She told me that earlier around Christmas she decided to get a breast lift. She had a great figure before, but if that was what she wanted to make her feel good I said that was fine babe. She had complications because she wasn’t eating right before and was down on her nutrition. She got an infection back in Jan I think and was admitted to the hospital. I didn’t know about it. She was still healing from the muscle surgery around her breasts in Mar when we started dating again. She wasn’t supposed to do any lifting. She looked fantastic by the way. Anyway, she said could wear different tops now so we were doing a little shopping.
Just a day or two earlier I mentioned to her I had a long layover in San Francisco for two and a half days starting on a Sat night. I said she should join me. W had never traveled a lot. She would need to take Mon and Tues off. I got her the round trip ticket to join me since I was flying the flights to and from SF from different cities. Anyway during our swim suit shopping she came across a lovely dress. She tried it on and she loved it. I bought it for her and said she should bring it with her to SF when we go out for a fancy dinner. She really was thankful.
At the shopping mall we passed Victoria Secret’s and she pulled me inside and then asked me which kind of lingerie I liked. I showed her. Over the next week I ordered several lingerie outfits for her to try on when she came to my house on her next visit. Very soon I cooked a meal and she tried on several outfits. She tried one on and we proceeded to mess up the blankets, sheets, and you name it. She looked much hotter in the outfits than the models!!
When I ordered her SF tickets she asked me, “are you sure you want me to join you in San Francisco for two and a half days? BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET RID OF ME!” I said of course! She said that more than once. We continued to have so much fun as a couple. Playful texts throughout the day. I let her start most of the texts. She ALWAYS wished me good morning if we weren’t spending the night with each other either because her boys were home, or I was on a short trip. She was always texting me that she missed me and she wished I was snuggling with her.
A couple of weeks after we were a couple again I told her while we were driving that I forgave her for the hurt she had done to me the 2 previous years. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly during the rest of the drive. We smiled at each other.
We went to each other’s Sunday church services with her boys also. Lunch usually followed. So much fun! She got me on the Groupon app. She saw a getaway to Cabo, Mexico in May. I checked it out and I found another all inclusive Cabo getaway at a great price because of my airline pilot discount. I showed her the resort and she was so excited. Finally we were going to have a week to ourselves just relaxing and building intimate love. Wow! She mentioned she had a girl friend who worked at a scuba shop and she’d like to get certified. She said it would be fun to go diving. I learned to dive when I was stationed in the Philippines so I agreed. W mentioned she was also looking forward to seeing my sister and her family this summer when we traveled East for a family beach get together!
The SF weekend arrived and it was incredible! I picked her up after we landed in OAK and we traveled over to the hotel in Fisherman’s Wharf where we were laying over. Amazing! The extra curricular activity in the hotel room was the best yet!! I had the weekend all planned. We picked up our rental bikes and rode across the Golden Gate Bridge to Sausalito the next day, and did a lot of sight seeing along the way. What an afternoon! Lots of pics that we added to Facebook. She added them mostly, and would tag them to me. By now my relatives and friends wanted to know about W! They wanted to know when I was bringing her back to VA and MD for everyone to meet. We always got numerous likes and comments with our photos on Facebook.
We rode the ferry across San Francisco Bay back to Fisherman’s Wharf where we started. We hurriedly got ready and dressed to the nines for our fabulous dinner. There was a great photo taken that W put on her Facebook cover photo. She received lots of likes and comments. All her girl friends at work said that we were the cutest couple! They were right! The next day we did a bus tour of SF and after lunch did an Alcatraz tour. We enjoyed crabs for dinner that night. I kissed her goodbye in the morning as I had to leave to go fly early. She flew back home later that morning. I caught up with W a few days later after my trip finished. That was one of the best weekends of my entire life! What utter joy we had in everything we did!
We had so much fun going to see the movies Noah and Son of God while we were dating this time. We went to a weekend wine and art festival at a nearby town. You name it. We did it. We were a real couple! What I had hoped for since the first time I laid eyes on this lovely woman!
A couple of weeks later I snagged a couple of suite tickets to a Thunder vs the Suns NBA game in an important matchup leading up to the playoffs. We had a great time at the game. It was a Sunday game so after church we went downtown before the game to eat. We ended up finding a swimsuit shop before we ate. W found a fabulous bikini. She found a great hat also. I smiled and got those for her for our upcoming Cabo trip the next month. Man did she look hot, and she knew it! It is about Apr 6th now.
The bikini I got her needed to be hand washed before she wore it. I asked her a few days later if she’d washed it and tried it on yet. She said no, but you’ll be the first to see me in it and the first to take it off of me! Yea baby!
Also near the end of March I texted her that I had got my teeth cleaned during my normal checkup. She said well that is the last time you go to that dentist because I’ll be cleaning your teeth from now on luv! I just felt so good inside when she would say these things!
Everything was going great! W would send out texts every time we went out to dinner. We always had several people liking her texts. On one date night she said I may forget how to cook. One of my cousins said well that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Cool. Friday, Apr 11 we went to dinner. The next day she was going on an all day Mexico volunteer trip to help kids with medical and dental issues. She was gone all day and she was excited when she returned. She wanted to get her own chair for down there and carry dental equipment down with her about every 3 months when the group went. I encouraged her and said she should start a donation drive. The medical and dental was called Project Mexico. I remember that Friday night as we were kissing good night she said maybe she could come over and do a sleepover on Sunday since we hadn’t had any alone time in a while.
W and I had never told each other we loved each other yet. I was waiting for the right time, when I could feel it in her, or maybe when it would just naturally come out. I wanted our intimacy and commitment to really build. I think we were really getting there finally.
Friday and Saturday evening good night texts were just as playful as any time. When she returned Saturday evening from her trip she said she was tired. Sunday she said she wasn’t feeling good probably because of something she ate in Mexico. I know how that is since I layover there quite a bit. She said she would see how she felt after she took an afternoon nap to see if she felt like coming over for dinner and her playful sleepover. Later than evening she said she wasn’t feeling good and that she needed to help her 14 year old with his homework project. I said go ahead get some rest and help him. She said we’ll get together next weekend when you get home from your upcoming trip. I was leaving Monday afternoon and returning early Saturday morning. She sent me little kisses via text goodnight and I said I wish I was there to tuck you in. She said I wish you were here also luv!!
The next morning she greeted me hello again via text like every morning and I prepared for my trip. I was just positioning, and not actually flying the plane that afternoon. She was already at work. She asked me what I was doing, and said I was getting out of the shower. She says hmmmm!! She then wished me a great trip. When I got to Charlotte for a layover before I flew the next night she had a text message saying she was at a meeting until 9pm. W always had to do continuation training as a dental hygienist, or maybe it was a bible class. Whatever. I wished her good night via text.
The next morning I didn’t get any hellos from her. It was kind of strange, but I didn’t let it bother me. Later in the day I texted her and said, “Guess what?” She replied with just a, “what?” Kind of strange I thought. I told her I forgot to pack some jeans so I went to the Lucky store and got another pair. She said too bad. Normally she would have said good for you or something. About the previous 2 weeks she was planning on painting some of the rooms that weren’t painted when she moved in. I made some suggestions to help her when I was at her place either sleeping over or just to pick her up.
I asked her via text if I was maybe imposing on her decisions on her home. Was that concerning her? I let her know I was just trying to help. Later that afternoon she asked when I was coming home. Strange because she knew I was coming home Saturday morning. She said she didn’t want to do this when I was gone. I said can you call after your work and let me know what is on your mind? She said she would. I’m 3 hours ahead of her now time zone wise. I was all dressed and it approached well after her work and 30 minutes before our hotel pickup time to go to the airport. I texted and said I only have 30 minutes. She called and proceeded to say she felt uncomfortable in our relationship and needed to breakup! Just like that! Here we go again. Six to seven weeks into a fantastic time she breaks up, again! It was April 15th.
I suspected this ahead of time so I was ready. I played it cool and didn’t get upset. I said well if you think that’s what you need to do then go ahead. I said I know how both of us feel about each other. I told her I was disappointed. Then I had to go a fly a 300 ton jet. Nice. She did it again!
After thinking about it, two days later I texted and said our relationship ending deserves to meet in person. To sit down together so we can get our truth and I can get some closure. She agreed, and in her reply she said she had told her boys about her decision. She said they were at peace with it. She said her and I were incompatible in a relationship. I thought huh? It was perfectly fine the day before I left to go fly.
Finally that Saturday afternoon we arranged to get together at the same cafe we had originally met at a little more than 2 years earlier. She walks up to me smiling and plants a kiss right on my lips like she always did! I am thinking are we broke up? We got some tea and found a quiet table. I played it cool because after that kiss I though maybe she was going to change her mind. We did small talk for a while. I said I know you like a man around to be the spiritual, emotional, and physical leader of the family. She agreed. I said I thought I was projecting that. I apologize if I was infringing on some of your future home improvement projects. She said that we are just not compatible I think. I should of asked her what she meant, but I didn’t. Funny, she let me hold her hands and we looked at each other’s eyes the whole time. I didn’t see any regret, empathy, or sorrow in her eyes. If someone looked at us they would have thought we were a couple on a date.
She asked about her garage door opener and key. I only had opener, since the key was on my other car key ring. I walked her to her SUV. She got in and I stood by the door. I know I should not have, but I brushed the hair out of her eyes and kissed her. She kissed me back. So I kissed her tenderly on the lips again and she started kissing me back. I said I didn’t want to walk away. I started walking to my SUV and she followed. I went back to her open window and gave her the opener and we said goodbye. We both smiled at each other. This was April 19th.
I had noticed that within the last couple of days she changed her Facebook cover photo to one of her kids and not the couple photo of her and I. I think she also changed the relationship status thing. A few days later I just made my relationship status private. About a week later I changed my FB cover photo to a sunset photo I had taken a couple of years earlier and got about half a dozen comments and likes.
Monday I mailed her house key, part of her lingerie outfit she left, and a ceiling fan light kit portion that I had taken home and repaired for the 21 year boy’s room. I let her know in a note that it was repaired and the screws should fit it now. I thought about our Saturday meeting, and realized I left some open questions. I texted her and thanked her for meeting me and that it meant a lot. I said I have two questions that were what did she mean by being uncomfortable in our relationship and what about the mixed signals. I said I hope she could find it in her heart to answer these questions I had so I could get some closure, heal, and move on. I never heard from her on this. I did get a text from her a couple of days later saying she got the mail and thank you.
So I left her alone and in no contact. Over the last 2 years experience had showed me that if I left her alone I would her from her in 3 to 4 weeks via a text. As a month approached I noticed W wasn’t on my FB friend list anymore. She had unfriended me. Oh well. So I checked her FB page and she had posted a new cover photo on May 13. It was her and a guy in Scuba gear in a swimming pool in waste deep water. She was wearing her mask, but he wasn’t. I thought, ok W you are dating someone already. The photo had one like from a former co-worker on hers. Hmm. Her relationship status wasn’t public. It was easy to see who this guy was because he was a newly added friend of hers.
I clicked on his FB page and noticed he was new to FB since about the third week of February. He only had two photos. HIs cover photo was on him and W embracing outside. A similar photo like she had of her and I taken in SF. He was in a suit without a tie and she was in a dress with her left arm reaching across his front just like she had in my photo with her. This photo has one like and it is W’s daughter. Hmmm. This guy did have his relationship status up and it said ENGAGED TO W!! Wow. That was like a punch in the gut. He didn’t have much else on his page, but he had to things he liked. He liked the two books by Master and Dr Sha’s Soul Healing. This was that Chinese soul healing guy that W had said was not Christian and ran away from back in November 2013 had told me all about it. She said it was like witchcraft. This was her ex fiancé!!
So once again when she broke up with me she ran back to him. Except this time she got engaged in 3 weeks! Maybe sooner because this picture was posted on May 12th. It could of been sooner. She broke up with me on April 15th. Everything up until that day with was fantastic!
This guy’s appearance surprised me. I’m 5’11” and slender/athletic build. I’m white/caucasian and clean shaven and keep a very, very short haircut since my hair thinned out 15 years ago. This guy is hispanic, several inches shorter than me, very stocky build, and has a goatee. He’s probably younger than me. His hair is cut short also. Just saying that we are very different looking men in appearance. I didn’t know she went for that type. She’s got long dark red hair, green eyes, and a pale complexion.
So I tried to stay away from her FB page. Around the middle of June I checked her FB page and she had changed her cover photo again. This photo made me want to check his FB page. His cover photo was the same, however he had changed his relationship status to MARRIED TO W! Her cover photo was of her in a white wedding dress with a vail down to her waist. He was over on the right side of the photo in a black tux. Both of their backs are showing and no faces. The woman marrying them is facing the photo and is the center. It isn’t a chapel. It looks like a VFW hall or something with inexpensive white Christmas tree lights strung up along the ceiling frame with some flowers. What? What is with the white gown and long vail I thought? Oh, and the photo has ZERO likes! Any thoughts on that?
W always told me she wanted a destination wedding to Hawaii since she had never been there. So much for that huh?
So W got married to this guy in 51 days since she broke up with me! 51 days! We were in a serious committed relationship and everything was going great until she breaks up with me. This is the same guy she had broken up with 3 times before that I knew of. This is the same guy she broke up with the first time because he didn’t believe in God and back in November 2013 because he was into some Chinese soul healing anti-Christian stuff! What? We were supposed to go to the contemporary Christian music festival on June 20-22 and she got married to someone else 2 weeks before that date even arrived! What?
I have spent money talking to relationship coaches. I have had three meetings with my church ministers and relationship experts. One gentleman at our church is a PhD in dealing with relationships and human behavior. After explaining my story with him he said that W is mentally unstable. He said she is a narcissist and doesn’t know how to love. He said her trauma as a young girl definitely has defined her.
I was wrestling with being the loser and her new husband the winner last month. He said I should consider myself the winner because I am not married to her. He said I would be devastated later if I was married to her. He said she would leave you eventually and it would be crushing. He said I was doing the right thing by leaving her alone and not to answer when she contacts you again. I thought that was strange because she’s married now. Why would she contact me I thought?
I’ve been doing lots and lots of praying to get through this. I’ve had a one-on-one with Goldie also that was helpful.
Ok. I have numerous questions. I know these are probably preventing me from healing but here goes.
If this woman is mentally unstable, a narcissist, and can not love, then why would this guy agree to marry her in just over six and a half weeks. She was just in a serious relationship with me? Even if she isn’t disordered why would a normal healthy man in his late forties get married so quickly? She had broken up with him in about a month and a half the previous two times as far as I can figure. I estimate this by when W started reaching out to me with texts to return to me. She has broken up with him in 2011 when they were engaged and shacking up together for 6 months.
Wouldn’t you want to see at least if she is going to stay with you a couple of months before you jeopardize your finances and all? I have a very hard time wrapping my brain around this. Anybody have any thoughts?
Another question. Ok, if she is a female narcissist why get married? I thought they can’t do intimacy and commitment in relationships. It sure seems she had what she wanted the last 2 and a half years going back and forth between us getting her addiction fixes and filling her narcissistic supply. She’d get her fix and then discard us when she was done.
Did she need to up the stakes with him in order to feel really alive and get her narcissistic supply? But now she’s married. What is she going to do if and when she gets bored and needs a new source of narcissistic supply?
I didn’t feel like she was in love with some other guy when she was with me. I could tell if she did. If she was in love with this guy why did she start our relationship back up? Why didn’t she marry him 3 or 2 years earlier? I don’t get it!
I’m trying to heal. I cry myself to sleep every night holding a pillow and he gets to make love to her and hold her in his arms as she falls asleep like I used to. When I wake up I realize she has broken up with me and now is married. Another nightmare day starts all over again!
What about all those future plans she had for us? Was that a lie? How can she look so together on the outside? Great job, nice kids, Christian faith (always wears a cross, sticker on the car window, plays contemporary Christian music in the car, attends bible study classes), volunteer worker, nice home, and financially disciplined is what you see with W. I guess the only thing friends and family might have said was that she was having trouble picking the right husband.
What did I do wrong? Everyone says I am a great catch.
I know I’m not supposed to look but I noticed last week that now this guy has three contemporary Christian artists and groups on his likes and musics on his FB just like W. Funny. I thought it seems like he is trying to appease her and make her happy showing her he’s into Christianity now. He still has that Chinese soul healing guy on there though. Crazy!
This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.
Thanks so much for enduring this long story. I’d appreciate any thoughts you might have.