a little trigger.

I just wanted to post at a little thing that just happened now.

I am now at the point where I have to think about how long it has been since ex narc left, how many days NC, etc because it has been so long. It is my 30th birthday next week and I am just gathering photos as I'm having a big party with all my family and friends.

As I was going through my photos I could see how much in photo evidence he physically drained me during our "relationship". At the start when I lived on my own and before I met him, my skin was clear, I was full of life, my hair was lovely and shiny. Then as time went on through the photos I could see spots on my face, gained weight, my hair was limp, I stopped making an effort and tbh there were far less photos of me in them! It has shocked me a bit as I always knew how much it affected me but getting to this stage now and looking at them in the frame of mind I am now has shocked me a little bit.

There were also a few in there of him still and I'm quite glad that I must have bypassed them in my deleting phase as when I looked at them, I felt nothing!!!!! nothing at all! no anger, resentment, sadness, just nothing! I have just sat and thought about it and I'm feeling a lil bit weird as I never thought I would fell like that when I saw him. It has also given me the kick up the bum to lose the excess weight I gained through comfort eating which has not shifted due to me being a bit lazy in that department, so hopefully I am also gaining a positive out of my decline in my photos as well! lol!

I don't post a lot but I do come back and read now and again as I find this helps sometimes. It really is a recovery in every sense that probably lasts a lifetime but doing the work definitely lessens the crappy bits. BUT lets just be thankful we don't have them losers in our lives anymore.

Im going to celebrate my birthday next week with my fantastic family and my friends that have loved me and supported me through all this (and am planning on getting v tipsy and dancing lots! lol!).

Love and hugs to all of you on this site, we r free. :) xxxx